Christopher Hudspeth

4. Whenever there’s a bug in my personal bubble.

1. Shorter restroom lines.

1. Ramen 2.0

As seen on 16 and Pregnant & Teen Mom.

2. Duck tape your mind’s mouth shut.

4. Share this article on a social network in the hopes that they’ll see it and recognize that it’s in regards to them.

You are a person, not a product – if it feels like you’re constantly giving an infomercial type sales pitch to somebody so they’ll understand your worth, there’s a problem with that connection.

5. Settling significant decisions via Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Clearly you’re not delivery, DiGiorno, who did you think you had fooled?

If the lighting is bad, we might have to pass on being in a picture (because even if we’re in it, we might not be in it).

“…I have this history of wanting to work things out on my own and protect people from what’s going on with me.” – Kerry Washington

Your thoughts will be reflected in behaviors, so try to limit the pessimistic ones.

4. Self-deprecating humor.

4. Your Instagram and social network photo albums are littered with more pictures of your lunches and dinners than friends and family.

We search for true love and instead find false hope.

Belated brunch is better than no brunch at all, so make sure she knows that she might not have anything to show for giving you birth right now, but some bagels and lox are rapidly approaching.

When you meet, will there be a handshake or a hug? If it’s a hug, will it be like a full on bring it in chest smush, or a side shoulder, one arm type deal?

If Jesus and Debbi Fields had a prodigy baker child, it would be responsible for creating these heavenly (get it?) morsels.