Chrissy Stockton

Pro tip: have some tissues at the ready.

Say “is it okay if I take my pants off” before taking their pants off and remarking about how cute their underwear is and where they bought it.

A down comforter. It’s a gift that feels decadent, and one your girlfriend will use every day, all year.

Bacon infused bourbon.

“It still creeps me out that I saw this man almost EVERY SINGLE DAY and he just sat there with his coffee plotting my demise.”

“Instagram is the reason I’m bullied constantly at school.”

My son from the age of three always tells me about the “creeper man” who lives in my mom and dads bedroom. He brings it up after he visits them. I made the mistake once of asking what he looks like. My son said “Oh, he doesn’t have a face.”

They don’t have giant egos. There are certain people in the world that will always view you a youngest child as a baby or as their kid sister/brother. You can be a CEO, but you’ll still be “shrimp” to your family.

Cassandra makes vegan pasta with Zucchini noodles. :(

Tip: in a pinch you can scrape ice off your windows with a credit card and an empty fast food beverage cup can shovel up snow near your tires.

This is a reminder to try to see yourself through the eyes of a person who loves you today.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

When inviting a Minnesotan over for dinner, it’s common practice for them to refuse twice, to test out whether you are “just being nice” or are genuinely interested in their company.

So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as a slave in some private, totalitarian state.

Holy crap.

“Hey man, don’t come. I was just going to rob you, but I heard some kids in the background when we were talking on the phone.”

SVU is the foundation upon which binge watching has been built.

“When I woke up i looked outside and she was gone, but the word “soon” was scratched weakly into the door.”