Chrissy Stockton

“Instagram is the reason I’m bullied constantly at school.”

My son from the age of three always tells me about the “creeper man” who lives in my mom and dads bedroom. He brings it up after he visits them. I made the mistake once of asking what he looks like. My son said “Oh, he doesn’t have a face.”

They don’t have giant egos. There are certain people in the world that will always view you a youngest child as a baby or as their kid sister/brother. You can be a CEO, but you’ll still be “shrimp” to your family.

Cassandra makes vegan pasta with Zucchini noodles. :(

Tip: in a pinch you can scrape ice off your windows with a credit card and an empty fast food beverage cup can shovel up snow near your tires.

This is a reminder to try to see yourself through the eyes of a person who loves you today.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

When inviting a Minnesotan over for dinner, it’s common practice for them to refuse twice, to test out whether you are “just being nice” or are genuinely interested in their company.

So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as a slave in some private, totalitarian state.

Holy crap.

“Hey man, don’t come. I was just going to rob you, but I heard some kids in the background when we were talking on the phone.”

SVU is the foundation upon which binge watching has been built.

“When I woke up i looked outside and she was gone, but the word “soon” was scratched weakly into the door.”

These two 10-year-old boys kidnapped, tortured, and killed a 2-year-old they found waiting for his mother outside a store in the mall.

How Many Cats Can I Look At On The Internet?

Pro tip: when you’re in specialty stores, ask the sales people what their favorite products are.

“People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing you are the beholder.”

“I fall right back to sleep–however long later, I wake up AGAIN out of a dead sleep and see a mangled, bloodied man standing at the end of my bed with his head crooked to one side.”