Chrissy Stockton

Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

“Running is my private time, my therapy, my religion.”

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

“I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that.”

Take a personal day from work and actually do as many of these as you can. Instant epic-ness.

“I got bitten by a 6-year-old, will I turn into a 6-year-old?”

The woman miscarried. The bride called her with a response along the lines of “good, well now you can be back in the wedding.”

Ordinary life does not interest me.

Con: you are mentally ill.

I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe and kneel!

You’ll take the word “yuppie” as a compliment thank-you-very-much.

Take a shit before sex. Don’t ask.

AIDS needles at the movie theater.

Pornhub released this pretty fascinating infographic based on the most popular search terms for each state.

What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem?

When you need someone to open up about something, have them drive you somewhere.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Gays.

If your school is in a snowy area, cafeteria trays make great sleds.