Chrissy Stockton

He was wearing the suit in hopes of convincing people they had seen Bigfoot.

My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.

if unhappy is your default setting, other people can’t afford to be around you.

There’s basically a giant space ship at the bottom of the ocean.

He waited until his girlfriend was asleep and then did this:

Read Mindy Kaling’s Twitter feed.

You’ve never said the phrase “you just set the women’s movement back 50 years.”

Outsource the most taxing chore of our time (deciding what to stream tonight) to this infographic.

You went to a liberal arts college and majored in something that people make jokes about.

Chick lit, makeup, pedicures, long bubble baths—these are some of the best parts about being alive. No one questions my manhood because I like to feel good and indulge in life’s little pleasures.

4. You go through a #dark mental space

Your ex is absolutely not an actual crazy person, and if she is, you should probably think of a kinder way to say it.

You could work your entire life to be happy and you will still never attain the level of unadulterated bliss a dog feels when you merely walk in the door.

The absence of BYOB on your event invitation is the chicest status symbol of our time.

Unless you are a sex worker and they have paid you, this is not your job.

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. -Hillary Clinton

Say what you are saying as simply as possible. Your goal isn’t to show the other person how smart you are, it’s to convince the other person to see things your way.

Close your eyes and imagine the most delicious food you can think of. Fry it and put it on a stick and you can buy it at the state fair.