This Is What It Feels Like To Get Hurt Again After Surviving A Toxic Relationship

Toxic Relationships
God & Man

You were broken so badly once before. Heck, you barely made it through. It was hard enough to pull your head out from under water and figure out how to carry on with your life after being so badly broken. Part of you didn’t think you would ever date again. It was easy to think that there was no possible way that you could ever let someone in again, not to risk the chance of them doing to you what the last person did.

And then you meet someone. Completely by accident when you aren’t looking. You fall for them hard. You are terrified, you have walls up in every direction and part of you is telling you not to do it. You can’t even think about what it would be like to let this person in just for you to get broken again. You are barley healed from the first time.

But somehow you can’t resist. This person is different. This person is making it easier for you to get comfortable. They make you want to stay. They are making you feel like you could actually be ready to break down your walls again. This person is making you fall back into things, head first, without you even realizing what you could be doing.

You become vulnerable again. You start to show them all of the darkest parts of you and everything that makes up who you are. You start to tell them about your past pain, in hopes that they will understand and not even think about doing something like that to you.

You get to know them. You really start to want this. You think you’re ready.

And then something happens. Out of nowhere, things flip. All of a sudden this person is having reservations and you can feel them pulling away from you. Here is goes again, you’re about to get hurt all over again. You’re about to lose, yet another person that you let in. How much can one person take? Can you really go through this again? Why did you even bother thinking someone could be different in the first place?

Then they leave. For whatever the reason, they weren’t ready. Maybe your baggage was too much to handle, maybe they were dealing with their own shit. For whatever the reason, they are gone, and you are now left to figure out how to cope with all of these feelings.

But the worst part? You can feel the pain from your ex all over again. You are reliving that break up and also this one at the same time. You are down on yourself. You feel like it must be you and something that you’ve done. You feel that there must be a reason that you aren’t enough. You must be the cause of why nobody will stay.

So it hurts.

You have to build yourself up from the bottom again. You have to fight. You have to believe in yourself, your worth and all that you know that you bring to the table. This isn’t going to be easy, but what it will be is worth it. Once again you will come out stronger than ever. You are just another person closer to finding the one who actually deserves you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I have been a grief blogger since my mom passed away 5 years ago.

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