Is fear of rejection stopping you from initiating sex with your partner?
So often we neglect our sexual needs and desires due to fear of rejection. I’ve known women who went months and even years without sex simply because they were afraid of initiating it.
No more, ladies! It’s time to go after the sex life you crave.
Here are three things to consider when you really want to hump your partner but are afraid they will reject you:
1. Identify if there’s a story around it from a past experience.
For example: Was there one time where you were confident and horny and went in for the kill, only to be ignored or told “not tonight,” which then made you create a story about you being ugly/gross/unlovable/undesirable, thus making you afraid to ever initiate again?
If so, acknowledge it’s just a story you’ve created and not a reality.
If the experience happened with a past partner, also remind yourself that this is not the same relationship; therefore, you shouldn’t assume your current partner will react like your past partner.
2. Have a conversation about it.
Ask whether or not your partner would be open to you initiating sex within the relationship. You may find that they’ve been dying for you to, that they would think it’s sexy as hell for you to be enthusiastic about sex, or that they’d love for some of the burden to be taken off of them to initiate all the time.
Express that sometimes you’re unsure if you should and are afraid that they’ll reject you, leaving you feeling undesirable and hurt. That way, they can be sensitive to your feelings if they someday decline sex and can reassure you that it’s not that they don’t find you sexy AF.
3. Remember that your partner is a human being, too.
Are there times when you’re just not in the mood? Most likely yes. Is it about your partner when that happens? Most likely no. You’re stressed, not feeling well, have too much on your mind. Don’t automatically make it about you if they decline.
Yes, initiating sex can be intimidating, but often we make it worse in our heads. The more we wait, the more our anxiety consumes us. Take some time to think about why you’re so afraid of rejection; have a mature, healthy conversation about it with your partner; and remember: if you do get rejected, it’s probably not even about you. Now go after what you want, girlfriend!