It has been about nine months since I came out to my friends and family as a gay woman. Some may consider me to still be in my baby lesbian stage, still getting my feelers our there, but I’ve definitely had some pretty awkward experiences so far.
1. Guys are constantly assuming you are straight. When you tell them otherwise they look at you and say, “You don’t look like a lesbian.”
Oh, excuse me. I was unaware that to be a lesbian I had to meet a straight man’s expectation of what a lesbian should look at.
2. Straight girls want to experiment with you.
It may be fun for you and to some extent, yes, it’s fun for me but in the long run we both know that you’re going back to the dick.
3. Having to come out over and over.
And over and over and over… Okay seriously? How many times do I need to come out? Should I just walk around with a sign that reads ‘Hi. I’m Cassie and I’m gay!’
4. “You’re too pretty to be a lesbian.”
Umm… thanks? I mean I’m flattered but really?
5. “You’re just going through a phase.”
Really? Am I? Phew, that’s great news… Nope. Not a phase.
6. When guys say that you just haven’t been with “ A man who really knows how to please a lady.”
Hmmm… Why didn’t I think of this before I told everyone I was gay? Will you be my knight in lubricated latex?
7. When the sleazy drunk guy at the bar asks if you can kiss your girlfriend again because it’s like free porn.
Ummm no. But, is it wrong if we still let you buy us a drink? Because let’s face it: free is free and as long as I watch the bartender make it and hand it to me I’m in the clear.
8. “Who is the guy in the relationship?” When guys find out your girlfriend is also a lipstick lesbian.
Well you know… Sometimes I wear pants and then she’ll wear a dress. Or she wears pants and I’ll wear a dress. Sometimes we both wear pants. Sometimes we don’t wear anything at all. Really we’re just like you. We put our pants on one leg at a time.
9. Not being able to shop for bras without getting distracted by all the boobs.
Okay, I know this isn’t lipstick lesbian specific, but it’s still true. So many boobs!
10. When a girl thinks it is okay to date you and a guy at the same time.
Ummm no. Just no. I’m still a person with feelings.
11. Explaining to any medical professional that there is 0% chance of you being pregnant. And no, I don’t use any form of birth control.
This happens every single time. It still makes me chuckle.
12. Constantly being asked if you and your girlfriend want to have a threesome.
Really? I mean… really!?
13. “How does that sex thing work?”
Rock. Paper. Scissor. Guess which one we like?