18 Real Men Honestly Reveal Whether They ACTUALLY Want Their Woman To Be Independent Or Not



Almost every guy says he wants an independent women, but it seems like a high percentage of married men that I know chose wives who are definitely not independent.

I really do want an independent woman, but I feel like I’m actually in the minority there despite what others might say. Emotionally, my fiance and I would be devastated if we broke up… but outside of that, I could leave her completely alone, come back in a year or two, and find her exactly the same. She’d still have the same career, the same lifestyle, her house and car would still be in good repair, she’d still have plenty of friends, she’d still have money in the bank, her credit would still be rock solid, etc etc etc. I feel like most of my friends couldn’t say the same about their wives or girlfriends.

— NoMistaeks


Sure. The problem is finding someone who is independent without being aloof or distant and then having a genuine connection with them.

Some form of codependence is a lot easier to get.

— Coidzor


I absolutely love independent women, and I define that as having a strong sense of self, goals, and direction. That direction could be a homemaker, but that’s something she came to by knowing herself instead of caving to external pressure or not being willing to do anything else.

A lot of times people classify themselves as independent when they’re really self-absorbed. Not living your life by someone else’s wishes or by some omnipresent cultural committee doesn’t mean being standoffish, aloof, disconnective, or rude. It doesn’t mean putting people who want to engage with you on some level through the ringer or by default treat people who want to interact with you with animus because independent doesn’t mean being an asshole any more than interdependence means being kind.

So when people ask me if I like independent women, I think of the first and say yes. Then they bring me someone like the second and wonder aloud why I don’t really like her.

— KingEsoteric


Not too independent. I like her to have her shit under control, but I still like to feel needed. Not financially, but emotionally. Like, I like to be the person you feel comfortable talking about your problems, dreams, desires, and random blurbles of thoughts with. But not too emotionally. I’ve had that shit before and it both caused the breakup and made the breakup extremely difficult.

Also, IDK if this counts as independent: I don’t show it, but I get upset when my girl spends more time with her friends than with me, or doesn’t really text me outside of setting up dates. I want to know how your day is going, and I want to know that funny thing that happened at work. PS whenever you name-drop a male name, I do get jealous. I hide it, but I think of him as competition.

— 20forlife


Very much so. I’m too old to want to be in charge of someone’s life. Get your shit together and lets make an awesome one together.

— DreadfulRauw


Absolutely. Don’t need a little girl. Need a partner who is fully capable of taking care of herself and hers. But in our relationship she should feel safe to lean on me as needed. Her time is hers. Her girl friends. Her need to do what she wants to do. And I can do the same.

We are equals. I don’t need or want a “mommy” though. I may ask her opinion. I may curl up on the couch watching Netflix and need her fingers running through my hair after a stressful day. But I take care of my shit. And she takes care of hers.

— roadscholar70


There is a vast difference between an independent woman, and a woman who describes herself as “a strong, independent woman”.

— AlwaysABride


Okay, this is a hard question.

Personally, in general, I want a woman who can be independent. For instance, I want a woman who, if (god forbid) I disappear one day, can take care of herself. But not independent to the point of not being at least a little needy. It’s tough to explain. I definitely don’t want someone who is super clingy and needy all the time. That’s the worst.

But I find when a woman is too independent you kind of feel useless and almost as if they’d be better off single. For instance, a woman who can make decisions and is fine going to the store alone and not needing to do everything with her man all the time. But will let a man open doors for her, let him do things for her, let him cook for her. Basically someone who can take the driver’s seat if needed but will also let her man have some independence as well and let him take care of her.

— ChompRock


Yeah, I’m naturally attracted to strong minded women. The type that go after what they want, and have the confidence to get there. I love when they’re passionate about certain things and goal driven. Ambition is beyond sexy to me. I want her to be a pillar in my life, so I can rely on her for support and vice versa.

But not to be confused with high strung and obnoxious.

— fuckthislifeee


Hmmm. Yes, but with a couple of caveats.

I really do like women who are self sufficient and can make their own way. I like women who take their careers seriously.

But by the same token, I do like knowing that there are a fair amount of things that I can do that they might suck ass at or feel dread about or not be as good at. That way, I can know that I serve a decent purpose in the relationship.

— poopbutt2012


I’m kind of split on this one. Sexually, I like submissive girls so someone reliant on me would be good for that dynamic.

But when it comes to practical stuff, they just get annoying and bitch until they get what they want and I’d prefer a girl who I wouldn’t have to do everything for.

— DeadHeadFred12


I honestly don’t care. She needs to have her shit together well enough that i don’t have to be her extra parent but apart from that independence isn’t necessarily a big plus.

The only thing i absolutely demand is that she has her own opinions that are well founded in her own observations about life and the world around her.

— DeathOfAquarius


I prefer somewhere in the middle. I don’t want someone who relies on me for everything and needs me to constantly hold their hand. On the other side of the coin I don’t want someone who doesn’t need me at all. Someone who I rarely see or who is so wrapped up in work or doing things with friends she’s not often available.

— PrivetKalashnikov


Why would I want to date someone who is independent and career oriented? Id rather have a wife at home who cares for my kids than a business partner who helps me pay for a stranger to replace her role in the family.

— Fuknmods


No, because I like submissive women.

— brutallycandid


I want a woman who is independent, but doesn’t describe herself as an “independent woman”.

— AdviceMang


Nope. Because if she has all that, she doesn’t need a Man in her life?

— eazolan


For fucking, yes, as they often are hot and, I guess not very passive in bed.

But when it comes to wife material ….emmmm….no. Why would I want to have problems with potential SO/wife in the future ?

— HNTI Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Brittany Cox

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