Don’t you dare send that naked picture to him if you don’t feel 100 percent confident and comfortable doing it. Don’t you dare sleep with him if you’re not ready because you’re worried he might get bored and leave. Don’t you dare let him talk you into anything you’re not comfortable doing behind closed doors because you want to make him happy.
Don’t ever do anything just because you think it will make him like you more, or give you more attention because it won’t.
Don’t ever trade respect for attention because I can promise you that just because he gives you attention doesn’t mean he respects you.
He might walk all over you, use you and make you look like a fool and you won’t even notice because all you notice is his attention, and you don’t care what kind.
The first guy I ever thought I loved didn’t respect me. He used me, he made me look crazy to his friends, he broke my heart time and time again, but I always went back.
And he knew I’d keep coming back.
I’d try to stand up for myself, but it never worked because as strong as I thought I was he took all my strength away and made me weak at the knees. He was my weakness, he would say one thing and I’d go crawling back faster than he could take off his shirt.
I was young, naïve and I thought I was in love. I let him manipulate me and make me look stupid because I didn’t respect myself enough to make him respect me.
By not respecting myself, I let him take advantage of me because all I cared about was his attention. As long as it was on me I didn’t care about anything else. I wanted to hear my name come out of his mouth, I wanted him to think about me when he was alone, I wanted him to want to be with me and I wanted him to want me.
I’d do anything for him, even things I didn’t want to because I wanted his attention and I wanted all of it.
It made me selfish and bitter. It made me crazy and controlling. It turned me into someone I never want to be again, all because I didn’t respect myself. The only thing I cared about was his attention on me and it was causing more self-destruction to my life than I could have imagined.
I hated who I was when I was with him because I hated who he made me, but more than that I hated who I allowed myself to become.
But I learned from it.
I learned that in order to demand respect from others you need to respect yourself first because if you don’t respect yourself you’ll allow others to walk all over you.
I learned that too many people want attention and not enough people want the respect they should be demanding because earning respect takes longer than getting attention does.
We get ‘love’ struck and we want everything. We want the passion, and the desire, and the feelings, we want it all and more than that we want attention. Sometimes we don’t even care where the attention comes from because it feels good. We lower our standards to increase our compliments.
But the most important lesson I learned from who I was with him was that his attention means nothing if he doesn’t respect you.
I made a vow to myself to seek respect, not attention because it lasts longer and it makes me feel better about myself.
Attention is nice, but respect is more important and if they respect you they will give you attention; the kind of attention you want. They will admire you deeply, way past what you’re willing to do sexually and they will take pride in who you are as a person. They will stand by your side and they won’t ever intentionally make you look like a fool. They will love you for who you are because you respect yourself, and therefore they will give you the right respect and attention you deserve.
Know what you deserve and demand respect. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with for attention because I can almost guarantee they will use you and lose you. Don’t let someone compromise who you are as a person because you want their attention more than their respect.
I promise it isn’t worth it, sweet girl, I promise.