Sometimes having a big heart is difficult. Sometimes having a loving heart is difficult. Sometimes having a giving soul is difficult. At the end of the day, these difficulties that you face on a semi-regular basis shouldn’t define you. If anything, these difficulties should help find you the same kindness in a reciprocating soul.
You walked away from a 6-year relationship and began spiraling out of control. You used boy after boy in hopes of healing the damage that had been done. You considered yourself damaged because of the shitty things you tolerated and endured during those six years. You changed the way you viewed yourself based on this experience and somehow decided that you deserved less.
This is not true.
You walked away from that experience a much better person. You walked away and realized that you walked away because you’re actually stronger than you give yourself credit for. You walked away because he wasn’t ready to love you in all the ways that you were ready to love him.
Since then, you’ve found that your standards have ultimately risen. You’re no longer settling for anything less than what you deserve. You met someone who you deemed the male version of you and you surprisingly fell in love with him. You spent two years being exactly what he needed when he needed you, only to realize that you were yet again in the exact same position that you left previously. In reality, you actually loved this one more than you had anyone else.
But it was time to walk away from this one too.
You picked up the strength and walked away from something that no longer benefitted you and made you feel less than. He said terrible things to you about the type of person that you are, but somehow always managed to end up in your bed (especially when he needed something). You shed some tears, put on your big girl panties, and told him to politely go fuck himself.
You’re moving on and realizing that you’re much more important than you ever imagined or even gave yourself credit for. The next person you decide to be with will be the person that sees all of your imperfections and somehow finds them perfect. You’ll be the most comfortable with this person and you’ll both grow together. This person will think the sun shines out of your ass and vice versa. He’ll be one of your best friends that you can bare your soul too. He won’t be afraid to tell you when you’re taking on too much, and you’ll be equally as honest with him. He’ll be someone you can’t go without talking too. He’ll be the main reason you can’t stop smiling. He’ll make you laugh at the stupidest things, and your simplest conversations will mean the most.
Wait for this person. It’ll be more than worth it.