Ari Eastman

You get stuck in between this weird place of wanting to talk to them, but also wanting to run away and hide under a blanket forever.

“I bet you had to wiggle up and down just to zip them up?” You know my daily ritual, Chingy.

You have an automatic wingman.

Trust that she already knows stuff about your romantic history. She’s never going to admit it though, so instead, her best friend will just come over and they’ll lurk and check out photos from 2009.

You are blinded if you ever leave your cave during the daytime. WHAT IS THAT ORANGE THING IN THE SKY?!? SO. BRIGHT. OUTSIDE. MY EYES, THEY BUUUURN.

I won’t be his emotional pillow. His selfish comfort. I am placeholder. I am temptation, something to ease the lonely. I am a girl he never wanted to begin with.

Everything is going to hurt. Everything.

Having Sex With Someone I Didn’t Love

When you are left for someone else, count all the cracks in your ceiling.

One of the nights when my mom was asleep, my dad fell in the bathroom.

5. Stop making jokes during foreplay.