1. People slowly stop inviting you to social gatherings and you start feeling a little insulted. Why the change?! You’re fun! You’re cute! You’re a goddamn HOOT! Maybe you wanted to stand in line for an hour freezing your ass off waiting to get into an exclusive rooftop club.
2. You’ll see a photo of your friends on Instagram looking adorable interacting with each other and other humans outside, and you comment the heart eyes emoji. You may or may not be hoping this sweet gesture will actually remind them that you, oh I don’t know, EXIST. “I’m still here, thank you!!” Introverts can have FOMO too, ya know.
3. A friend will shoot you a text, “Hey, we’re at this really chill party downtown, I would have invited you, but figured you didn’t want to come.” How dare she?! Ugh, you can’t even form the words to properly explain your hurt ego, but in the time you take thinking of what to say, she has texted again, “Come meet us?!”
4. You are instantly overcome with anxiety and are 95% sure tiny little men have found a way inside your stomach, and have now taken to punching your different vital organs. Boom. Spleen. Boom. Liver. Boom. Now you’re having heart palpitations. A stroke. An aneurism. Sudden onset of full body paralysis. This is the end as you know it. You’re toast.
5. You muster enough strength to respond, “Ah, I actually can’t. I should turn in early tonight.” And the pain and torment immediately subsides. Of course you weren’t going to go, but at least extend an invitation you can reject. Common courtesy, ladies and gents.
6. You feel tingly down south when Netflix announces new shows will be streaming.
7. The news of Friends coming to Netflix actually caused a full-blown orgasm. You can practically hear Monica whispering into your ear, “seven.” SEVEN!
8. Safeway delivering groceries straight to your door is a thing of true beauty, and you want to kiss the feet of whoever enabled you the glory of waiting in your underwear for a box of Cheerios and almond milk.
9. Ditto for any restaurants that have an online ordering system. Any possible way to streamline (read: eliminate) communication with other people is your favorite.
10. You swipe like a maniac on Tinder with no real intention of ever meeting someone outside your comfy internet home.
11. The Forever Alone meme is your secret life goal. Y ppl think it so negative?!
12. The rare occasions you decide to #rage (you also probably never actually use the word “rage”), you need a minimum of three to four days after for recovery. And it’s not from alcohol or other substances, but simply the exhaustion from being around so many people for extended periods of time.
13. You’re afraid you might love your laptop more than you’ve ever loved a significant other. I take you, MacBook, to be my lawfully wedded source of happiness and entertainment for as long as we both shall live. Seriously, never die on me.
14. You are blinded if you ever leave your cave during the daytime. WHAT IS THAT ORANGE THING IN THE SKY?!? SO. BRIGHT. OUTSIDE. MY EYES, THEY BUUUURN.
15. The few people you’ve managed to keep around, despite your antisocial behavior, are incredibly important to you and you would do anything for them. Yes, even if that means fighting against your hermit-like nature every once and a while to see them IRL.