The idea of being chill has always been lost on me. It’s kind of like doing a pull up – I get the concept, but absolutely cannot apply it in real life.
I’ve seen my fair share of Very Chill men and women around, gloriously gliding through life without blurting out their every thought. Each time, I marvel at their confidence. They seem to have this glow, an air of indifference. They’ll laugh, but never too loudly. And they definitely never accidentally snort.
Make me laugh too hard? You might as well call me Miss Piggy because there’s a 99.9% chance I’m going to snort.
I’m not cool or graceful or the person who is going to act like I don’t care.
If I care about you, you’ll know it with every word I use. You’ll see it in every action I perform. I don’t want you to question how I feel. I’m not interested in pretending to be someone I’m not.
I’m not afraid to text you first.
I’m willing to toss aside any chance of being a Very Chill girl and put my heart on the line instead. If I want to talk to you, I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to make the first move. That’s not how I operate. That’s not how my heart wants this to go.
If I want you, I’m going to tell you. I’ve been told I have zero poker face, so why would I try to start now? I’m an open book and I’m ready for you to read every page.
I like you, so that means I’m going to text you. It means I’m not going to waste any time playing games when I could just spend my time with you.
Ari Eastman’s new poetry collection, Bloodline, is now available for pre-order.