National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation has become a holiday staple since it premiered on December 1, 1989. Combining elements of slapstick humor, biting wit, and sincere familial warmth, the film follows Clark Griswald (portrayed by Chevy Chase with bumbling charm, earnest enthusiasm, and unyielding optimism in the face of disaster) as he works to create an idyllic Christmas for his family. He wants extravagance — a grand tree and a lighting display to give Rockefeller Center a run for its money. Yet, as decoration mishaps devolve into a series of calamities and unexpected relatives arrive, the film relays the challenges and stressors tied to the holiday season while exploring the importance of family through a relatable and laugh-out-loud lens.
The movie boasts timeless themes, ultra-relatable humor, and John Hughes’s signature imprint. (Though not focused on the adolescent experience, Hughes’s knack for creating tangible family dynamics and painting middle-class suburbia with fine brush strokes is all over the Chevy Chase-led film). So, on the 34th anniversary of this Christmas classic, let’s revisit the film’s funniest and most heartwarming quotes — those that have cemented their place in the cultural landscape.
Clark: “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”
Todd Chester: “Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” Clark: “Bend over, and I’ll show you.”
Clark: “Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”
Ellen: “Sweetheart, it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.”
Clark: “We’re all gonna have so much f***ing fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!”
Clark: “When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!”
Audrey: “Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?”
Ellen: “Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.” Clark: “WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”
Clark: “My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain.”
Ellen: “Clark, stop it. I don’t want to spend the holidays dead.”
Grandma Nora: “Your grandma’s got a real painful bur on her heel. If you rub it for me, I’ll give you a whole quarter.”
Uncle Lewis: “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.”
Art: What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?”
Clark: “Yes, it’s a bit nipply out—I mean nippy out.”
Clark: “Wouldn’t be the holiday shopping season if the stores weren’t hooter than they—hotter than they are.”
Ellen: “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.”
Ellen: “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.”
Clark: “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.”
Clark: “Where’s Eddie? He usually eats these things.” Catherine, Eddie’s wife: “Oh, not recently. He read that squirrels are high in cholesterol.”
Rusty: Whoa, geez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed—and brush my teeth, feed the hog, do the laundry, wash the car, still got some homework to do….”
Ellen: “Welcome to our home — what’s left of it.”
Ellen: “Is it plugged in?”
Ruby Sue: “I love it here. You don’t gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!”
Art: “Yeah, I saw it in the car. Looks great. A little full. Lot of sap.”
Clark: “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.”
Rusty: “Mom? This box is meowing.”
Cousin Eddie: “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!”
If this list didn’t scratch your National Lampoon itch — if we missed some of your favorite moments from the classic Christmas comedy — you can stream it on Sling TV, MAX, or Hulu.
