“You are so adorable.”
Like…a child? Listen, we appreciate the sentiment behind this compliment. But it stops being something we like to repeatedly hear after the age of like, 7. Sometimes, a girl just wants to be told she’s sexy. You know, feel like an actual adult. A sexy adult. Nobody wants to be a sexy baby. Unless you have some weird fetish that I don’t want to hear about it.
“You make me feel so tall!”
OH MY DEAREST QUEEN/KING, I AM SO GLAD I COULD BE OF SERVICE!! C’mon, there’s a ton of things I could make you feel, but tall? You’re gonna go with tall?! Please. You can pin that on your own genetics, not me.
“You eat a lot for someone so small.”
It’s this crazy thing where we have to eat to sustain life. LOL, right?!?! Food. I can’t believe we eat food either! Also, talking about how much/how little anyone eats is kind of a douche thing. How about you just focus on your plate, and I’ll finish going HAM on this plate of carnitas.
“All about the bass, ‘bout that bass. No treble”
Not only is this song so overplayed that I want to stab my eardrums each time I hear it, but it’s also got a very mixed up message. Self-love is SO important, but there’s no need to slam any body types in the process of championing your own…Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size. She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.” Okay, Meghan Trainor, let’s alienate other bodies. Super.
“At least no guy will ever be shorter than you!”
Uh, cool? First off, that’s not accurate. Maybe I’ll fall in love with a male Thumbelina. YOU DON’T KNOW! And also, as if that’s the most important thing when seeking a partner. Phew, at least he’s tall. He treats me like shit, punches puppies and hates Friends, but at least he’s tall! No. Just…no.
“Oh my god, your feet don’t even touch the ground!”
Yes. I’m aware. I don’t point out the disconnect between your brain and mouth though, now do I?
“You can sit in the middle”
Oh, okay. Thanks for asking me. Petite girls are always made to be the uncomfortable ones because “we fit.” Uh, it’s still uncomfortable. But we’ll take one for the team. Just at least WAIT for us to offer first.
“You’re so petite!”
…we fucking know.
“Do you ever shop in the juniors section?”
Really? And yes…we do. So don’t make us actually answer that.
“At least you’re always going to look younger.”
Really? Because pretty sure wrinkles don’t skip you just because you’re little.
“Blahblah is your height too!”
I know, we see each other at weekly petite ladies anonymous meetings.
“What’s the weather like down there?”
Just…no….don’t do that.
“Wow, you’re actually pretty strong.”
Yeah, my size actually says nothing about my strength, so feel free to wipe that surprised look off your face. Or I could wipe it off for you, if you’d like.
“I wish I was small like you.”
Can you not? This is just awkward. Because now we have to reassure you that no, you don’t want to be small like us. So, you’re basically putting us in the awkward position of undermining our own worth. So, just don’t do this. Okay? Okay. Cool.