Between magazines, romantic comedies, and generally baseless cultural assumptions, women have long been guessing what men are really thinking. His feet are slanted towards you at a 15-degree angle? Then he’s in love. 30-degree angle? He wants nothing to do with you. Then there are the totally speculative “what he really wants” sex tips like this real “tip” from a “real” guy in Cosmopolitan: “‘We need you to get a little rough and grab on to it like you’re milking a cow. You may think you’re hurting him, but I guarantee if you ask, he’d request more,’ says Steven, 23.” Why is 23-year-old Steven trying to cause us men so much pain? And aren’t we all smart enough to know that 23-year-old Steven is probably a 30-year-old female staff writer who’s just throwing down some ideas to make deadline?
We men are complex creatures, and we’ll admit that we can be a bit of trouble sometimes, especially when it comes to communicating what we really want. Whether it’s fear of rejection, fear of compromising our masculinity, or fear of butting up against cultural norms, we often keep our true thoughts to ourselves. It’s a shame too because then we leave it up to Hollywood and magazines to tell women what we’re thinking. In order to solve all that, take a look at the biggest things men think about women but never say:
1. Please order dessert
There are so many mind games that are hidden within a seemingly meaningless decision like ordering dessert. An “I’m full, none for me” after I just saw you push your salad around with your fork shows that the relationship is predicated on performance. Buying into the idea that you have to be a dainty feather isn’t sexy because it means you’re not comfortable with who you are or whom you are with. If the real you really has a stomach the size of a bird’s, then fine, but if not, then please skip the psychological jockeying and adherence to cultural norms, be the real you, and order up a brownie sundae. As with orgasms and suntans, fake isn’t sexy.