It’s been 268 days since you approached me at the bar. That’s almost three-quarters of a year. And in those 268 days we have become “I-can-tell-you-something-with-just-my-eyes” close. We have laughed until we cried and you’ve made me cry. We have talked about everything, and yet, when it comes to you, I am sure of nothing. I am certainly not sure how any of this will end — except that I don’t want it to be now. You make me furious. You make me confused. You make me sad. You push my buttons in a way no one else knows how. But I won’t give up on you yet, and here are a few reasons why:
1. You’re motivated.
Two promotions in a few years’ time and you’re in no way ready to settle. You’re constantly looking for opportunities to stand out and make an impression. You don’t back down from a challenge, but it’s even more impressive that you’re able to challenge yourself.
2. You’re competitive.
When I’m on your team, I’ve grown to love that look of concentration you get on your face when you’re committed to sinking the last beer pong cup. When you’re my opponent, I’ve come to fear it. Winners win, as you love to say, and you are definitely a winner (except when I’m the competition, obviously).
3. You’re genuinely nice.
You do things that people just don’t do anymore. At least the ones that I’ve met. A girl comes over to a crowded table and you immediately stand up and offer her your seat. It has nothing to do with whether you’re trying to get with this girl or not. Someone drops something on the subway and you head halfway across the car to pick it up for them. You can’t take a free sample of goat’s milk ice cream and leave empty handed because you feel too guilty. The most attractive part about this quality is that it’s instinctual — you do it without batting an eye.
4. You’re generous.
You’re even too generous sometimes, and when you were still trying to win me over, you spoiled me rotten. But the monetary value of the dinners out and tickets to games are absolutely not the reason I’m not giving up on you. It’s the fact that when I said I couldn’t spend $80 on a ticket to a tailgate, you surprised me with one because you genuinely wanted me to be there. You always give and give to other people — asking and expecting nothing in return.
5. Things are better with you.
Every time I go to plan something, I want to invite you. This has led to some awkward groups of people that probably shouldn’t have been hanging out together, but it’s because every experience just feels like it could be better if you were there. If I’m out to dinner with a group of people and you’re not there, chances are it’s not as fun. And chances are I’m just going through the menu thinking of what we would have been able to split if you were there. Especially if there are Brussels sprouts on the menu.
6. You recognize your flaws.
You know that your confidence can verge on cockiness and you know that you can be quick to react. But because you know these things, you keep them in check. You may have a split second reaction, but you’re the first one to be able to take a step back and if you think it’s necessary, apologize. When an issue comes up between you and someone else, you put yourself in their shoes and try to see the problem from their point of view. You’re extremely understanding of other people, and a lot of times, give them the benefit of the doubt. But you never let people walk over you.
7. The click
I read a quote once that went a little something like this: “Sometimes when you met someone, there’s a click. I don’t believe in love at first sight but I believe in that click.” I’m not a huge fan of small talk and I’m not the world’s most social person. In fact, I can be pretty anti-social. Although I’m getting better at it, making friends isn’t exactly my forte. But with you, there was a click. One day I didn’t know you and seemingly the next, you were a huge part of my life. You have a way of making people feel so comfortable in situations that could otherwise be awkward. You’re like a social butterfly but in an understated, chill way.
8. We laugh at the same stuff.
We’re mature, we’re smart, we’re educated…but a handle of vodka with the name “Balls” is funny, no matter how old we are. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Comedic genius.
9. Venti Americano with skim milk, sugar-free mint syrup and 2 Splenda.
The day you showed up with my complicated Starbucks order, I melted. You noticed the little things, and that meant a lot.
10. All those cheesy quotes remind me of you.
As I scroll through Tumblr and read cheesy quotes about finding “the one,” I often can’t help but think about you. I mean for real, once a quote contained the following lines:
- “Marry someone who you can spend the day in Ikea with without feeling stressed.” (They should have added “Will carry 700 pound dressers up to your 5th floor walk-up apartment and then come back the next day to spend 4 hours assembling it.)
- “Marry someone who accepts your fears and phobias.” (And laughs every time a pigeon is in the vicinity.)
- “Marry someone who you don’t always have to shave your legs for.” (Sorry, I’m so very guilty of this.)
- “Marry someone who accepts you all day every day, even when you don’t look or feel your best.
- “Marry someone who doesn’t judge you when you eat your body weight in cookies.” (I’m pretty sure you’ve watched me eat MORE than my body weight in cookies…on
- multiple occasions.)
- “Marry someone who waits with you to get on the train.”
- “Marry someone who gets on well with your parents and isn’t uptight about family events.”
- “Marry someone who calms you down when you get mad about stupid stuff, and never tells you it’s “only stupid stuff.”
- “Marry someone who makes you want to be a better person.”
- “Marry someone who makes you laugh.”
- “Marry someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”
11. You don’t judge.
I have made many questionable decisions in the 268 days that you have known me. The Internet doesn’t need to know about them all. But even though you have certainly laughed at me or poked fun at my expense, you have never judged me, despite seeing me at my worst on multiple occasions. Throwing up in a cab is not my best look.
12. You challenge me.
I play hockey now. Sort of. Because you challenged me to get out there and do it. You have truly made me want to be a better person since knowing you. At times it hasn’t been easy, because you have opened my eyes to qualities in myself that are not at all flattering. But what’s important is that now I know, and I want to change. You’ve also helped me to be more confident in my strengths, and encouraged me in a lot of ways. I truly believe that you want what’s best for me. You are always there with your wise words of wisdom, even if they may be hard for you to say. And maybe most importantly, you have challenged me to create a friendship far more open than any I have ever had. Sharing my feelings and talking about them is something I don’t do, for the most part. With you, I am confident enough to say “You mean a lot to me, but right now, go away, I’m mad at you,” without the fear that you’ll never speak to me again.
13. My family and friends love you.
I don’t think they would be happy if I were to give up on you. But seriously, they have seen all the things that I have seen in you, and you have completely won them over (which isn’t easy, mind you).
14. You’re not afraid of seitan.
The number of vegetarian and vegan restaurants you’ve eaten at with me is enough to not give up on you alone.
15. I’m happy when you’re happy.
I know I care more than I may sometimes want to admit because seeing you happy truly makes me happy. And seeing you upset makes me upset. When you’re down, all I want is to be able to be the person that cheers you up.
16. We care about each other.
I don’t care how many times we try to deny it. I don’t care how many times I try to pretend it doesn’t bother me when you don’t answer my text for four hours. I don’t care how many times you try to pretend it doesn’t bother you that I’m on a Tinder date. I don’t care how “not ready” either of us is for a relationship. There is something there, and until it is gone, I think we deserve a chance. And so, until that day, I’m sorry but —
I can’t give up on us.