Possession is picking a flower that you tell yourself you love, while love is watering it.

A problem with today’s generation is that possession is so easily confused with love. I love you has adapted from a way of expressing words of affirmation to putting a claim on someone else. Kind of like when a dog pees on a tree to mark their territory, or putting a baggage claim on your luggage. A way to tell the eyes of innocent bystanders in society that you own someone else. Why do you own someone else? Well, because you “love” them.

Stop using the word love as a temporary word to describe your feelings of unclarity. Someone can only be shown toxic love so many times before they believe that’s what love is supposed to be.

She thinks love is hand marks across a cheek and words that leave invisible scars. She thinks love is waking up one day being adored and then worthless the next. She thinks love is unfulfilled promises and apologies. She thinks love is a cold shoulder and being told nobody else will ever love her. She thinks love is ignored calls and feelings of inadequacy.

So if you truly love her, then love her.

Don’t love the idea of her, don’t love her for what she can do for you, or for the person she is right now. Love her for who she is right now, who she was, and who she will be. Love her through her past, scars and all. Love her walls and respect them, but then break them down. Love her with every ounce in your body. Not just for as long as it is convenient for you, but until she knows your love won’t wake up one day and decide it has had enough.

Don’t just tell her you love her, make her see it. Don’t just make her see you love her, make her feel it. Don’t just make her feel you love her, make her soul know it. Make your love so known that it has found a permanent residence in her body. Make your love so known that she can sense it in the way you look at her when she grins and her tongue slips between her teeth. In the way you put your hand on her cheek and brush the hair behind her ear. In the way you roll your eyes at her when she snorts from you making her laugh so hard. Make her feel safe like your love can’t be taken back. Like the words can’t be undone and sucked back into your body.

Show her you love her even when you’re upset at her. Show her you love her even when you’ve had a long day at work. Show her you love her when you’re hurting. Love isn’t conditional. You don’t get to pick and choose when you love someone. Love isn’t waking up and picking your wardrobe for the day. Love is the dimple on her left cheek. It is forever with her and not even makeup can cover it up. You don’t get to love someone one day when you’re happy and not love them the next when you’re down. If that’s what you consider love, then count her out.

Love isn’t I want you to make me happy. Love is, I want you to be happy. Love isn’t me. Love is we. Love isn’t a trading hands. Love is all cards on the table right side up. Love doesn’t keep receipts or score. Love is the same team. Love isn’t who’s right. Love is what is right. Love doesn’t throw things away when they’re broken. Love fixes them.

So if you truly love her, then love her.

Because once you love her, there is no turning back.

It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.