It’s 2 AM and you can’t fall asleep because your mind won’t shut up. It hasn’t ever since he left.
You’re 20 songs deep into the “Life Sucks” playlist on Spotify (because who doesn’t need a friendly reminder every once in a while) when the song comes on.
You know which one I’m talking about.
The one that has the power to bring back every memory of him all at once. The one that makes you believe that time travel really does exist.
The one that brings you back to that time in his car when you could still hear his heartbeat over the blaring of the speakers. The one you still torture yourself with by listening to time and time again.
The one that makes you miss lying under every sky painted in strokes that would put Picasso to shame. The one that makes all of the white noise filling your mind, simply go away.
The one that makes you want to run back to him.
And even though you can’t even go up a flight of stairs without catching your breath, you know that you would find it within yourself to run a marathon for him , if you were ever given the chance.
But honey, don’t put on those sneakers just yet because, in about 3 minutes time, that song will end.
And when it does, you’ll remember that “chasing” has never been in your dictionary, and you aren’t about to add it in now. You’ll remember that you’re through putting yourself on the line for a person who could never do the same.
You’ll remember all the reasons why things didn’t work out the first time. You’ll remember how much it hurt to watch your heart bleed out on the floor.
You’ll remember every unanswered call, every doubt he put in your mind. You’ll remember a time when your mood didn’t depend on a stupid text message that read “hi”.
You’ll remember how triangles have never been your favourite shape- how every time you were looking at him, he couldn’t peel his eyes off of her.
You’ll remember that as fast as you run, you’ll always end up in second place. You’ll remember that you deserve nothing less than gold.
You’ll remember that time when you were five years old and you promised to never settle for someone that didn’t treat you like Cinderella. You’ll remember that with him, the shoe never fit.
You’ll remember that he was the cause of the noise in the first place, the reason your body forgot how to sleep. You’ll remember all of the money you could have saved from the mascara left on your bed sheets.
You’ll remember that life is too short to waste another second on people whose true colours have already stained you. You’ll remember that his were never your favourite anyways.
You’ll remember that being anchored to the past is blinding you from the greatness that lies ahead – that your future can look so much brighter if you find the strength stay true to yourself.
You’ll remember that you couldn’t stand the song the first time he played it for you, and you still fucking hate it now.