September 22, 2016

I Wake Up Thinking Of You And Go To Bed Dreaming Of You (And I Hope You’re Thinking Of Me Too)

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nkarpova13
nkarpova13

When I wake up in the morning, you are the first thought that encapsulates my mind.

Are you awake already? I hope you had a great sleep.

Are you excited for the day or are you just desperately waiting for the day to pass? I hope the former’s your answer.

Did you eat your breakfast already? I hope yes; please don’t skip it.

Are you smiling? I hope you are because I’d do anything to see that beautiful upward curve of your lips.

Who was your first thought in the morning, too? I think it is your family, your crush, your phone, or your paper due today; but of all those things, I hope I passed by in your mind even just as fast as a falling star departs. I hope with all my heart that the thought of me – maybe the ugliest face I did to you or the stupidest joke I told you – occurred to you and made you laugh. Or at least it made you smile, because that gorgeous thing lights up my world.

I go through my day remembering the moments you smiled at me, the times you talked to me, and the seconds you looked at me like you can see into me.

When I’m eating, I remember how you gracelessly ate that meal in front of me like you were not ashamed of what I may think of you otherwise. When I’m showering, along with contemplating my life, I also imagine what my future will hold when you are in it. When I’m walking to my classes, I’m silently praying you’re going to a class near mine so we’re going to pass by each other and probably say hi.

You are almost everywhere.

I see the cars and think of you driving your own car. I look at the falling leaves and daydream of us going places, maybe lying down and playing on the layer of fallen leaves the autumn caused. I notice the benches and envisage the two of us sitting calmly on one while listening to music together.

But throughout the day, too, I pass by couples holding hands and wonder if ours are also meant to be intertwined. I pass by a group of friends and wonder if our paths are only ever meant to intersect once and never again do. I pass by random people and I wonder if we’re only ever meant to be two persons in this world and never one.

The sun has risen and now the sun decides to set. I think, are we like that – the sun? Are we supposed to rise with all the emotions we chose to let each other see and set with all the feelings we’re too afraid to tell? Are we just supposed to brighten each other’s lives temporarily for only a limited time?

And now that the moon has took the stage, I believe we are meant to rise, and set, and rise again just like the sun. I also believe we are like the moon which is destined to be outshone by the sun but still is always ready to rise when the sun starts to give up. I believe we are a cycle. I believe we are never just put into each other’s lives to say goodbyes. I believe we are never meant to fade away.

I hope we are never meant to fade away.

Because at the end of the day, you are all I think about.

Are you ready to sleep? I hope you are so you can finally rest.

Did you eat your dinner? I hope you did; don’t starve yourself.

Are you smiling? I hope you are and that this day has been amazing to you.

Who are you thinking about at this time of the night? I know it may not be me. It may be another girl with a perfect smile, who makes you happier than I do. Or it may be your family who you are missing right now. Or it may be the paper you still need to finish tonight.

But I hope you remember the days we smiled at each other, with no words – just that smile. With only our eyes communicating with each other and only our souls silently hoping as they are whispering, “Please please please do not ever fade away.”

Please, love, please do remember. TC mark

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