Thought Catalog
May 15, 2017

When You Love Someone And It Doesn’t Work Out, Keep Them In Your Life

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God & Man

Maybe this goes against every piece of good advice you’re supposed to follow. Maybe I’m completely wrong.

I’m someone who is on speaking terms with every ex I’ve ever had. I’m close and best friends with pretty much every guy who I’ve ever cared about who maybe didn’t feel the same way or nothing came of a physical and or emotional relationship

But I don’t believe in removing someone from your life just because they don’t feel the same way about me or their feelings changed. Then I lose two types of people both someone I love and a friend.

But the friend is the more important of the two.

I do think there are ways to get over people and still have them in your life.

They say you’re supposed to let someone go totally. They say you’ll never heal if they are always there. They tell you to move on. Completely and totally pretend they didn’t exist in your life at all.

But removing someone out of your life doesn’t mean they’ll get removed as easily from your heart. So why make it harder for yourself?

Behind every deep feeling, you’ve developed is the core of a friendship you built during that relationship.

Don’t lose that.

And yeah following rejection or a breakup or someone not being able to reciprocate feelings blows. You’ll probably cry yourself to sleep. (Been there done that.) Drink yourself into a blackout. (Guilty.)

You’ll be upset for a little while but then you’ll think what is more important? And what’s important is them.

Because when you love someone, really love them, you choose to have them in your life in whatever form fits.

The strongest best relationships in my life have been with people who know me better than myself. It’s the love stories I thought would end in happily ever after that didn’t. The people who couldn’t love me back even if we tried. And that’s okay. There is something to be said about two people who continue to fight for each other even after things have not gone accordingly. There is a respect there.

There’s a respect they have for me for playing the role I needed to even when they couldn’t. A respect they have for me for forgiving them for hurting me as they did but moving forward. There’s a respect I have for them also choosing to keep me in their life when it might have been hard. And a respect I had for myself being that strong.

Because it does make you stronger.

We are constantly told what’s best is not hurting someone or yourself more by having them in your life. So we let people we care about go because we think we are supposed to.

We don’t text them back because we don’t want to hurt them or lead them. So we let go of a relationship that means a lot to both people because we think it’s for the best.

But I believe strength is holding on to those people who make your life worth living.

Then you get over them. And it might take a little longer but that’s okay.

There’s something kind of beautiful getting over someone without having to lose them to do so.

One second you’re head over heals in love with them staring at them across the room. Next thing you know, you’re laughing at a coffee shop about how much you’ve been through together.

The process of getting over someone isn’t easy and there is always going to be a piece of you that loves them but it turns into a love that doesn’t consume you over time.

And I think it’s so important to keep people, close the ones who know exactly how you love. There is something very rare about knowing someone that deeply. Down the road, they’ll give you insight when you need it, as friends do from someone whose been on the other side of it.

And it’s these people you’ve fallen in and out of love with who want what’s best for you. It’s these people who love you maybe not the way you wanted but they love you the best way they know how.

Sometimes love doesn’t come in the form we want it to, all the time but sometimes you find an unconditional love later within the hearts of those who hurt you before. TC mark

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