Thought Catalog
May 9, 2017

When You Love Hard You Look For The Love You Constantly Give Others

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What is the issue?
God & Man

I don’t know how to half-ass love. I don’t know how to half-ass many things really. I don’t know how to give only half my heart when it comes to anyone or anything. I don’t know how to step into things and relationships gradually. I jump into it all but fully giving every part of myself to the person on the receiving end.

I love people how I think it should be, completely with everything I have in me. Maybe it’s overwhelming but it’s all I’ve known and I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not.

When it comes to relationships I give my best always. It doesn’t matter what you have to offer. If you give me your time and attention, you will always get my unconditional love for it.

I think love and relationships are a lot more simple then we make them out to be. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If I like you I’ll make plans to see you. I won’t make it complicated or try and trick you. I won’t lead you on if I’m not feeling it and I won’t waste your time if that’s so. I won’t play some game to win over your affection. And I won’t waste my own time if you’re unsure of me.

You’ll always have my full attention.

I’ll always be honest with you.

I’ll always be someone you can trust.

I’ll always be someone you can rely on and confide in when you need to.

I’ll always build you up and believe in you and support you no matter what the idea is or how crazy it may seem to others.

My love comes in the form of gestures I don’t expect reciprocated. The truth is I gain a lot by just giving and I don’t do it with coy motives. I do those things because it makes me happy to see you happy.

I’ll always go out of my way for you. I’ll drive five hours just to see you for one if you are someone who matters.

I’ll spend money I might not even have if it puts a smile on your face.

If you ask me to do something or be somewhere or you need me the answer will always be yes and even if it’s complicated I’ll figure out a way to make it work.

I think really deeply about most things and I’ll always be thinking of you and what I can do.

I’ll always go out of my way.

I’ll always do more than expected.

I’ll always answer really quickly even when you don’t.

I’ll always try and keep the conversation going.

I’m always going to make an effort to show you I care.

I’m blunt to a point where it might be a flaw but I say exactly what I think.

The reason I’m like this is because I’ve been on the other side of it.

I’ve been sitting there staring at my phone wondering why he hasn’t answered.

I’ve been mind fucked by games that I swore I wasn’t playing then next thing I know I’m already in too deep.

I’ve woken up the next day next to someone and I thought there was something there only to find out, the relationship ended the moment I walked out those doors and I knew I’d never hear from him again.

I’ve been on the other side listening to lies I know aren’t true and nodding because that’s easier than calling someone’s bluff.

I’ve listened to I love you followed by a but. And I swore if I ever said those words I would never allow a fragment to follow it contradicting everything.

Because love doesn’t hurt. The right relationships don’t leave you empty. And love is the only thing that will heal you if you’re brave enough to let it into your life.

I’ve been in relationships where I was too afraid to end it and denying the truth just hurt more.

I’ve been the void someone uses to fill their emptiness only to find humans can’t be homes for healing the heartbreak caused by another.

I’ve heard the word just friends more times than I can count. But we weren’t friends last night.

I’ve heard every excuse in the book and every backhanded compliment and I swore I’d never make someone feel that way.

I never wanted to be the reason someone questions their worth.

I’d never want someone to think them at their best doesn’t deserve me.

I never wanted to hurt someone or lead them on because I was unsure of my own feelings.

I could have turned cold and heartless. But even if I tried it wouldn’t come naturally to me.

What comes naturally is loving people with everything I have, giving my best always.

What comes naturally is watching these people fall short of simplistic expectations and not changing.

It is either my greatest strength or greatest weakness that heartbreak doesn’t make me disbelief in love but until I get it right I’m going to keep loving with everything I have to me, even in those moments I want to give up.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about loving this hard, is it’s not that I’m doing it wrong, it’s that everyone else is. TC mark