The first time I ever saw a circumcised penis, I had just moved to America, and I was 25 years old. Having grown up in Australia, the only logical inference I can draw from this is that Australian people really, really like foreskin. And that we don’t have all that many Jews. I recently went back home for a wedding, and as the reception was winding up (read: we had collectively obliterated the open bar), I found myself in a weird conversation with some old uni friends about circumcised penises.
“So have you seen one?” a male friend asked me.
“Yeah I’ve seen loads,” I boasted.
“What are they like?” he asked. “I mean like, what do you do with them? And how did you know what to do?”
As several pairs of inquisitive eyes turned on me, I launched into an impassioned diatribe on the pros and cons of a circumcised penis. At the climax of my exposition, I was unanimously asked one final question by my audience: “But is a circumcised penis better than a non-circumcised penis?” Unable to answer the question on which penis genre is superior definitively, I’ve decided it’s time to take the issue incredibly seriously, and compile a score sheet that should, at its culmination, tell us if excess skin or the snip reigns supreme.
I’ve heard that circumcised penises are cleaner than uncut penises, but I don’t know; a dick that’s been in a sweaty dudes jock’s all day is a dick that’s been in a sweaty dude’s jocks all day, whether circumcised or not. Same shit, same smell. And I’ve never seen a foreskin with dirt trapped all up under it, so I’d need to see some sort of physical proof that an uncircumcised penis is actually filthy before I can give this to the circumcised ones.
Circumcised penis: 0; uncircumcised penis: 0
I rarely see a flaccid penis in the flesh, given that most of the times that I’m seeing a penis are for sex purposes; I assume if I had a “boyfriend” he’d probably walk around naked with his flaccid cock hanging out quite often, but I unfortunately (?) don’t have that luxury (?). Judging from the flaccid penises I have seen, I can tell you that an circumcised penis looks like a penis, and an uncircumcised penis looks like a penis swathed in skin. I’d also liken it to the nose of Muppet Gonzo. Overall, while there’s nothing wrong with the skin bag, I prefer dick to look clearly like dick.
Circumcised penis +1
When an uncircumcised penis goes hard, it’s like a little turtle emerging from its shell, and I guess the end result is that it ends up looking much the same as a circumcised penis, except that there’s quite a bit of bunchy skin down the shaft, which is fine, but a bit on the messy side. An erect circumcised penis, on the other hand, is quite the sight to behold. It’s like the neck of a flexing bodybuilder; taut, bulging and veiny. It sort of screams at you “I am a MAN.”
Circumcised penis +1
Ease In Pleasuring
After almost 3 years of exclusively pleasuring circumcised penises, I’m still not entirely sure what to do with them, especially when giving hand jobs. I mean, blowjobs are pretty standard, and sex is sex, but giving a wristy to a circumcised penis is a terrifying prospect. The skin doesn’t move, so I get this intense anxiety that somehow I’m going to rip the tight skin if I cause too much friction. There’s definitely a lot of stress involved in touching an uncircumcised penis, whereas as an uncut dick has a foreskin that moves up and down with the motion of your hand, acting as a sort of lubricant between you and the potential tearing of cock skin.
Uncircumcised penis +1
The actual act of ejaculation, from what I have observed with my eyes, happens about the same way for both styles of penis. The deciding factor on this one is the way in which bits of cum that perhaps haven’t been wiped off properly, can sometimes harden around the inside of foreskin of an uncircumcised penis. This can be pretty gross when, post coitus, you go in for round two, and have to suck off a guy with crusty cum all up in his dick hole. Obviously, this is a non-issue for circumcised penises, where there’s no extra skin to envelop dry semen.
Circumcised penis +1
An uncircumcised penis sort of has the aesthetic sensibility of an eyeless mole in the dirt; the penis itself being the mole, the skin the earth around it. I get a childish pleasure, when lying with a naked with a man, from playing with his penis. I mean, I don’t have one, and I can definitely see how distracting it would be to have one between your legs; how dudes get shit done with that crafty appendage just dangling there all the time is beyond me. My greatest joy is to squeeze a flaccid, uncircumcised penis very slowly, and watch the little blind mole emerge from its burrow. Giggles can also be had from seeing how far you can stretch out the skin over the tip of the penis, and if you can fit your finger inside it, like a sea anemone. You can’t do any of this fun stuff with boring old circumcised penises, can you?
Uncircumcised penis +infinity
Circumcised penis: 3; Uncircumcised penis: infinity and 1.
Circumcised penis would have had this one, but got pipped at the post but the undeniable funness of a bag of skin. Simple pleasures indeed.