15 Reasons Why Growing Up Is Pretty Much The Worst
1. At a certain point, your body starts to reject all forms of fun. You can’t get drunk like you used to without puking the next day, you can’t do drugs without feeling like the contents of your brain have been removed with an ice cream scooper. Your body basically mandates that you start taking care of it OR ELSE.
2. If you don’t diet and/or exercise, you will get a little bit fat.
3. Your success is measured by whether or not you have a good job and are in a relationship. If you have neither, you feel like a loser. You’ve lost the race before even realizing that there was one.
4. Time is a little bit more precious. Wasted days don’t feel refreshing anymore. They just leave you riddled with guilt.
5. You begin to notice reoccurring themes in your life, which means you can’t place blame on other things and people anymore. You start to realize that maybe you are in fact the problem.
6. Going out and being social always feel like a chore, even though you know it’s good for you. You used to be the first in line to go anywhere and now you’re just dragging your heels.
7. You feel like everyone’s judging you and wondering when you’re ever going to get your shit together.
8. You constantly worry that you’re not making the most out of your twenties, that if you feel this old now then you’re going to smack yourself across the face when you’re in your thirties. You don’t know how good you have it but the only way to really know is to lose it.
9. You’re underpaid and overworked but you can’t stand up for yourself and change anything. You don’t trust your own authority enough to become an advocate for yourself.
10. You start to think that the only reason why you go to bars/house parties anymore is because a small part of you thinks you might meet the love of your life.
11. You stop meeting new people. Seriously, sparking up new friendships is so rare. Your life is on a schedule now. You don’t go to college and have thousands of potential new friends at your disposal anymore. You’re stuck with who you have.
12. You worry that this is the best you’re ever going to look, which would be a shame because you’re not having nearly enough sex.
13. You’re old enough to know that hurting yourself doesn’t feel good anymore but you’re too young to know how to really take care of yourself.
14. You’re embarrassed by how hard all of this is for you when so many other people seem to be transitioning just fine to adulthood.
15. You don’t want to feel like life is a game that you have to win. You just want to make your own choices without comparing them to everyone else. Is that so much to ask?
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.