At first, you try to act like it’s no big deal. Like it doesn’t matter whether or not he’s still in your life, because it’s not like he was your actual boyfriend. It’s not like you were in an actual relationship.
You fool yourself into believing that you’re okay without him. That he wasn’t all that important anyway. That you knew nothing would ever happen between you two, so you aren’t even surprised.
Your heart has trouble healing after an almost relationship, because you don’t let yourself feel the pain. You act like you have it all together. You pretend that nothing is bothering you.
Since he wasn’t your official boyfriend, you feel silly complaining about him to your friends. And when you listen to songs with lyrics that remind you of him, you tell yourself that you just like the beat, that you aren’t secretly searching for closure.
You keep up the charade of acting like he means nothing to you, even when you write drunken texts that you never send and stalk his social media pages. You tell yourself that you’re only curious, that it’s not a big deal.
You keep lying to the world, lying to yourself — until he ends up in a relationship with someone else. Because, when that happens, you can’t keep pretending. You snap. Your sadness turns to confusion which turns to anger.
If he was ready for a relationship, then why didn’t he want one with you? Was he talking to her back when you two used to talk? Or did he stop talking to you because she entered his life? Why is she special? Why does she get a title when you were stuck with casual nights at his house?
It just doesn’t seem fair. You were always there for him. You put in effort to get to know him. You made him smile, made him laugh. You two were so perfect together. You had so much fun together.
It doesn’t make sense and that’s what stings the most.
It always hurts when you realize that your almost boyfriend is capable of more. That he has what it takes to commit to someone. That he isn’t actually scared of settling down — but he just didn’t want to with you.
Even though it sucks to learn the truth, that’s when you can start to heal. You can finally acknowledge your feelings, admit that they exist, and deal with them.
Because the only way to heal after an almost relationship is to let yourself experience the hurt, the betrayal, the disappointment. Don’t hold back the curses or the tears. Let everything out, even if it makes you feel like a hot mess.
Remember, you’re allowed to be upset about losing him, even though he was never your boyfriend. He was still an important piece of your life. He still brought out strong feelings in you.
You should never feel bad about mourning the end of your almost relationship — because it’s the only way you’ll ever move on from what could have been.