Thought Catalog
February 3, 2017

This Is How To Love A Girl Who Doesn’t Love Herself

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What is the issue?
Unsplash, Peter Sjo
Unsplash, Peter Sjo

You have to understand that the beautiful girl you see standing in front of you isn’t the same girl she sees in the mirror.

You have a different set of eyes. You see a bright smile and smooth skin. She sees crooked teeth and an oversized forehead. Your perspectives aren’t the same. Not even close.

So when you tell her how nice she looks, and she shakes her head and refuses to accept the compliment, don’t get annoyed that she doesn’t respect your opinion. She does. She just doesn’t believe the words. It’s hard for her to come to terms with the fact that there’s someone in this world that considers her beautiful, because she sees herself as average.

In fact, some days she’s convinced that she’s below average. Some days, she’ll refuse to leave the house, because she thinks that she looks too hideous to be seen in public. Or maybe she won’t get out of bed at all, because she feels worthless, like nothing she’s done has made a difference to the world. Like she’s too far behind to ever catch up.

On those days, you’ll have to stick by her. You’ll have to encourage her to live her life without looking down on her or calling her crazy or making her feel even worse about herself. Because the worse thing you can do is disregard her feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.

And when she gets jealous of another girl, when she worries that you’re going to leave her, don’t accuse her of not having enough trust in you, because this isn’t really about you. It’s about her. She doesn’t think she’s worth keeping around. If she were you, she would’ve left long ago.

So don’t get offended when she seems suspicious of you. Don’t wonder what you did wrong. Understand that, no matter how well you treat her, she’s always going to have doubts. They’re never going to go away, because she’s been abandoned so many times. She’s gotten used to not being enough.  

That’s why you have to keep reminding her that you aren’t going anywhere. That you’re not like the other guys and are going to stay by her side. That you love her — all of her.

Even if she gets embarrassed, if she hides her head and avoids eye contact whenever you tell her how much she means to you, never stop saying it. If the i-love-yous end, she’ll wonder if you’re growing bored of her. If it’s only a matter of time before you move on to someone else.

So tell her that you love her. Remind her that you care. Every chance that you get. Because she needs to hear it.

You have to become comfortable with the fact that, when she cries about how ugly she looks even though her eyeliner is perfect and her hair is silky smooth, you won’t know what to do. You won’t know how to talk sense into her when she’s blind to her own beauty. All you can do is hold her close and tell her you wish she saw herself the way that you see her.

And one day, she will. TC mark