10 Game of Thrones Guys And Whether Or Not You Should Marry Them

Oct. 23, 2012
Screen Shot 2014-03-04 at 11.08.32 AMChelsea Fagan is a writer living in New York City. Want your articles on Thought Catalog? Send it here as a word ...
While we’re all waiting for our beloved Thrones to come back to the small screen, we should take this time to investigate one of the more pressing matters we’ve been presented with: How do the mantreats of GoT stack up as Husband Material? Let’s take a look at some of our beloved boys here:

1. Theon Greyjoy

Theon is a man who has something to prove. Everyone from his father to the hooker he secretly pretends is his girlfriend is someone he wants to put on a good show for. He wants to demonstrate that he is the best, the fastest, the smartest, the most worthy. And let’s not pretend like someone who is constantly trying to one-up everyone else doesn’t have his upsides (notably in the bedroom). Sure, he’s a traitor. But he’s a sexy traitor, and he’s doing it for the kind-of right reasons. Let’s just make sure he’s on our team from here on out.

Husband Material Rating: 6/10

2. Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion is a man who has been discounted all his life, of whom people thought so little that he built up incredibly witty walls of defense on every side of him. Any joke you could make about Tyrion, he could make about himself — only better. His heart has been broken, too, and he’s waiting for someone strong and beautiful enough to mend it. (Don’t tell me you didn’t get a little misty-eyed when he cried over Shay staying in King’s Landing). No one more than Tyrion deserves real wifey material who isn’t being paid off by his cruel, awful, bottle-blonde family.

Husband Material Rating: 9/10

3. Joffrey Baratheon

Hope you enjoy getting beaten with spiky objects for his amusement and murdered from breathing too loudly in his direction, because you’re in for a lot of corporal punishment. Also, he has Lance Bass circa 1999 hair, and that shit is just unacceptable.

Husband Material Rating: 0/10

4. Pyat Pree

Aside from this guy generally looking like Steve Buscemi after 10 minutes in a microwave, there is no reason that anyone should be trying to make such an enormous creepster into semi-functional Husband Material. He’s not into you, he’s just here to steal your dragons and appear, at random, throughout your cocktail parties. Do you want to be dealing with a purple skull-man scaring your important dinner guests? No.

Husband Material Rating: 2/10

5. Ned Stark

Despite him not having a head at this point (retroactive spoiler alert for lame, lame people who have not yet seen season two), Ned is definitely a legit guy. He knows what’s going on with everyone else’s family, he’s brave, and he’s not going to take any shit from your petulant son with Lance Bass hair. He may be a bit more salt-and-pepper than you’re used to, but that shouldn’t turn you away. Also, Cat Stark will kill you.

Husband Material Rating: 7/10

6. Robb Stark

Ooh, Stark the second. Sexier than quasi-adopted son Theo Greyjoy and more of a fighter than bastard son Jon Snow, Robb is the perfect guy if you are ready to enter into battle and fight for a family that doesn’t make even a fraction of those one percenters, the Lannisters. Yes, it will demand a lot of time spent in war tents eating military rations, but Robb is hot and motivated. If you are strong enough to stand by him in the barracks, you are worthy enough to stand with him at the altar.

Husband Material Rating: 8/10

7. Khal Drogo

Yes, his beginning was a little shaky. He only knew how to take from his women, and never give more than an indecipherable grunt and a slap in the face. But now, he has learned. He’s ready to get his hair braided, talk about fathering a son who will “mount the world” (?), and make sweet, sweet love to you on a fur area rug. He’s all about treating you like a queen while you admire your various Swarovski-bejeweled eggs and looking you right in the eye while you do the nasty. If that’s not husband material, I don’t know what is.

Husband Material Rating: 9/10

8. Samwell Tarly

All of you haters getting on him about his size need to have a seat. Sam is a little doughy, but he’s also a little adorable and a brave, loyal friend. He’s essentially the more size-challenged version of Sam from Lord of the Rings, and we should all be so lucky as to have him by our side to make us delicious potato-based dinners and fight for us.

Husband Material Rating: 7/10

9. Viserys Targaryen

Despite him being indisputably good-looking, Viserys’ predilections for grabbing his sister’s boobs, selling her into sex slavery, and being a generally petulant asswipe make him lose serious points. Yes, he got to hang out with dragon eggs. And yes, he’s all ready to inherent a fortune that no longer exists. But he’s kind of a modern-day fop, and in a place like Westeros, you’re going to need someone to defend you. Viserys would be too busy looking into a diamond-encrusted mirror to be much of a partner.

Husband Material Rating: 3/10

10. Jon Snow

Jon Snow is hot. He’s tortured. He’s had a difficult upbringing as a bastard child in a society that clearly doesn’t tolerate such nonsense. He’s an idealist, but willing to chip away at the ice-covered wall enough to back his optimism up with muscle. He also has fabulous, curly hair. You may lose him to a bunch of terrifying snow-zombies, but at least you’ll have a man for a while to tend to your fire, help you with your fencing lessons, and let you play with his adorable wolf-dog. I think we all could use a guy like Jonny boy.

Husband Material Rating: 9/10 TC mark

Get your #GoT fix after the season finale last night with Valerie Frankel’s new book ‘Winter Is Coming.’

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image – HBO

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