November 15, 2016

You Are Not Entitled To Love

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What is the issue?
Ieva Urenceva
Ieva Urenceva

To put it as simply as I possibly can: finding love is rare. You can meet a million different people a day, hear constant praise, or have tons of men/women at your disposal but that does not mean you are loved, and it certainly does not make you lovable.

Too many people view love as their entitlement. They think: I have a degree, I have a job, I have great family values, and I have a nice home; I just need the right person to complete the package and my life is set.

The problem with that is, people don’t merely exist to serve our wants and needs. People fail to learn early on that they are on the same playing field as everyone else, and often demand more than their fair share from the people around them. They are led to believe that they are special because they have always received special treatment from their family and loved ones, and therefore expect to receive this treatment at all times.

If you have a sense of entitlement, you can often have an unforgiving sense of love. You have less patience and consideration for others because, well, you think you deserve the best and should get the best without even having to try. But feeling entitled can end up harming the people around you, and ultimately harming yourself.

People with a sense of entitlement refuse to see the effort behind relationships, because love to them is just another thing they can claim. They refuse to put in work, because they view their earnings in life as a reflection of themselves, and a relationship as just another extension of their being. They can’t afford to make a relationship work, because instead of making another person feel special, they are led to believe that they are the special one. Their belief is that they are the center of the universe, and their relationships should revolve around them.

Very few people know that love needs to be earned, and subsequently nurtured. We often stumble upon love, and mislead ourselves to think that finding who to love is the only battle. Those who know that true love is rare, however, are willing to make time, put their priorities aside, and can be the most caring and nurturing people in the world. They change their perspective from finding who to love, to why they love that person.

Very rarely are nurturing and caring people receiving the attention they deserve because they are working so hard to earn love, while others with a sense of entitlement refuse to give them anything in return.

People with a sense of entitlement believe they are deserving of this all-giving type of love. They think that once somebody chooses to love them, it is under the condition that they choose everything that comes as an extension of that person. They choose their job, their money, their house, and their family, so they do not have to give any more of themselves to those they love.

While these things may come along with the person you love, they are not a replacement for love itself.

Someone who has all these possessions is not entitled to love, whether they are receiving it or not. If someone is willing to give up a piece of what they possess, it is not unconditional love; it comes with stipulations.

That love, comes under the condition that you make someone you love an extension of yourself. That love, comes under the condition that you can only have possessions, and not have someone’s heart. But that love, is just a cheap version of the love you should be receiving, in return for the love you are giving.

Love is not just given away so easily; it is built and established over time. Whether you think you deserve unconditional love or not, it should always be given in return for the love you are pouring out to someone.

It is very rare to find someone who accepts the affection you give them as a gift and reciprocates that tenderness. Some people think that if they are giving you a piece of what they are entitled to, and just by the mere fact that you get to be with them, that they are deserving of your love and they own your heart. But they must also earn your love, and nurture your heart.

When you fall in love with someone, you first fall in love with them, and then, naturally, love what they possess. You fall in love with someone’s soul. You fall in love with their passions and their flaws. You should not fall in love with someone’s possessions, even if they make you feel like they are rewarding you with them.

People with a sense of entitlement will wonder why you have given up on them, when they feel as though they’ve given you everything. They may throw a brief temper tantrum at the thought of losing you, and therefore losing an extension of themselves. But before you accept this stingy love and enable this behavior, think about what they have ACTUALLY given you, if anything.

If they have given you less that what you are giving them, there’s no reason to feel sorry or even to blame them. If and when you leave, they will go back to how they once were, where everything in life fell in line with them, because that is what they know.

When you come to face the reality that they never truly loved you, accept this as life’s invitation to move on. Remember: people reap what they sow and get what they give. But life is far too short to waste on those who do not appreciate all they have. TC mark

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