August 22, 2016

What Each Attachment Style Has Trouble Admitting To Themselves

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What is the issue?
kirstylee
kirstylee

Secure

Love requires risk.

For you, the line between commitment and complacency blurs easily, mostly because you don’t have any major issues that would drive you away from a person out of fear. However, this does not mean that just anybody you hang around with is right for you, and just because you’re comfortable doesn’t mean you’re happy. The love we feel the strongest about usually feels the riskiest, and though you want to believe that it shouldn’t be scary, it often is.

Avoidant

Being perfect does not guarantee that you will be loved.

There is little you can do to guarantee that someone will love you, in terms of making yourself the most “ideal” partner/person ever. Outside of just being kind and loving in return, you cannot predict or perfect your way into a lasting relationship. What you will eventually find is that it is more profound to be loved for how imperfect you are than to be loved for some ideal version of yourself you want to be, but until then, your peace of mind will wrongfully come from the idea that you can guarantee love by trying to “fix” yourself enough.

Anxious

You cannot predict or prepare for everything.

You will spend a ton of time trying to determine whether or not something is “right” before you give it your all. What you will eventually come to find is that it is only by giving it your all that you can determine whether or not something is “right” (not the opposite way around). Just because you commit to something does not mean it will last forever; just because you love someone doesn’t make them your life partner; just because you can “trust your gut” and listen to yourself and be mindful doesn’t mean you can work your way around every pain and heartache.

Disorganized

Just because someone loves you does not mean they are always going to treat you right.

What you want more than anything is a relationship that proves to you that love is real, even if on the surface it seems like you sabotage relationships (or avoid them altogether). Beneath that is a desire for real connection. However, just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’re right for you, and does not ensure that they will always do right by you. They are two different things, and you’ve had to learn this the hard way. Sometimes, the people we love the most do hurt us the most. What you have to learn now is that you can decide not to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you well, and in fact, you must decide where you draw that line, or else you will be setting yourself up to repeat your childhood again and again. TC mark

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