Thought Catalog
February 24, 2015

4 Reasons Why Guys Won’t Commit From A Guy’s Perspective

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What is the issue?
Shutterstock / Maksim Shirkov
Shutterstock / Maksim Shirkov

Guys, sorry, but one of us has to put an end all these articles assuming on why we are incapable of having a committed relationship. I have done my fair research and have stumbled across endless reasons on why us guys won’t take it to the next level with girls. Most of these write-ups have been done by the female gender, and most of them have some good points, but in this letter I will let all you ladies in on what really goes on in our brains.

Dear Amazing Girl,

I get it, things have been going great, like really great. We hangout all the time, you know all the guys, I kind of know your girls, and the sex is great. We even have had the talk, well YOU have had the talk with me. I say I’m not looking for anything serious, you pretend like its okay because everything else is great, but deep down it kills you. And for guys everywhere that do this to you, I am sorry.

I truly am deeply sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and I know me not wanting the commitment does that. I look at it as me being honest with you, and not trying to give you a wrong impression, because I know that can be even more hurtful. Anyways, you brush it off, and things go back to normal. A few days go by and you’re right back at my apartment watching sports and playing video games with me. Like yes, I understand, you’re completely perfect and I am a fucking idiot for not seeing it! But I do see it.

That’s why I want to basically spend all my free time with you. We’re practically dating minus the label, and it’s just something I don’t want. Why? Well that’s the million-dollar question, and I am about to reveal the reasons why.

1. TIMING

Now most articles I’ve seen have a decent handle on this, but I am really going to bring it home for you with a few examples. You’re great, but I can’t take things to the next level because maybe it’s my last year of college. I don’t necessarily want to mess around with other girls, but I don’t want to have any worries or cares when I’m out at the bar. Shit happens. A few too many shots, some girl comes over and dances with me, and BAM.

She spends the night, and if we’re dating that’s cheating. I don’t want to be a cheater. Yeah we’re basically together, but then again, we’re not. And I let you know where I stand on the issue and give you the option to take it or leave it. So when you see my phone blows up with snapchats from a few different girls you can’t really be too mad at me. I mean you can, and let’s be honest you will.

But the thing is, if you are seeing those snaps I am obviously with you. I’m always with you. You’re where I want to be, but I just don’t want the label my last few months of college. On that note, I am graduating soon. I will have a career and a new chapter of my life starting. Not being selfish, but I am going to need to focus on me. Long days, train rides, and trying to impress co-workers is going to take its toll on me. I am not going to have much to give into a relationship.

And when I want to be in a relationship I want to give you 200% because that’s what you deserve, and that’s what I want to give to you. But I can’t. And I know you’re hurt in this situation, but know I am hurting a little too.

2. PAST EXPERIENCES

Whether it has been you, my ex’s, or a combination; there’s things I have seen, and you have done that keep me hesitant on dating you. Sure, everyone gets drunk and acts stupid sometimes. But you make it a habit a little too much. Like sure, the first time, maybe the second time you hit me with 18 calls in one night is whatever, but when it keeps happening it’s a turn-off.

And they’re not the “I love and miss you calls.“ They are the “Why can’t you just be with me” and the “I’m done with you” calls. And like my favorite song, this situation just repeats. You text me in the morning, apologize, and say you understand if I never want to talk to you again. And at the time, I’m okay with it…but deep down it’s not what I want. I know how you are when you’re sober, and I’m hoping you’ll mature out of this phase but it still happens sometimes.

I am not attracted to it, and have had exes with the same problems. Sorry girls, but you can’t handle your booze for shit. So in that sense, I am somewhat guarded. I can’t date a girl who can’t handle her alcohol when she drinks, and although we’ve had fun at the bars, when we’re not together you explode on me. Guys like a girl who is confident and independent. I am not asking you to change, but be confident in whom you are and be able to go out on your own without freaking out.

You’re my main girl for a reason, but I like to go out with my guys sometime and just get away. I like to be able to see a girl in a tight dress and just say “DAMN,” and then hype up my boy to go get it. I feel like I let a lot of things slide with girls because I know I am doing my own thing too, but when there are constant red flags, I’ll do a Heisman on that ass, and keep you at a distance.

3. GUYS ARE ANIMALS

There’s no denying it, we are. Since the beginning of time males have fought and died over women. We have primal instincts in our blood and we tend to act on them more then we should. A great way I can describe this is think of two lions fighting each other, then think of what happens when it’s over. One of them got messed up and is leaving the scene, and the other is getting swarmed by a pack of thirsty lion babes trying to get a piece of the winner.

And you want to know what he does? He has crazy lion sex with all of them, and doesn’t think twice about it. Maybe there’s that one he falls for, but he is capable of having almost meaningless sex with these other lionesses. And unfortunately, that’s how guys can be sometimes. We can love and care about someone, but still could have sex with another girl and it means nothing. It’s not the proudest of things, but it’s a possibility, and some girls are this way too.

So with that in mind, that is another reason why we aren’t ready to date. We want to commit, but we don’t want to hurt you. So we don’t put the dating tag on it until we get all that out of our system. *For the record, if a guy is like stringing along all these other girls then he’s a douche bag for sure, but if its that 4am sesh after the bar that no one really remembers, well he’s just less of a douche.

4. PHYSCIAL TECHNICALITY

There’s not much of a big explanation for this except there’s just something about you we can’t get over. You are perfect in so many ways, I love you’re body, I love your smile, but that freckle on your chin. I can’t get over it. Maybe it’s not that though, I love that I can make you laugh, but when you do I sometimes want to give myself paper cuts so I can just leave the room for a minute. Actually, I know what it is. Your voice sounds just like this girl I hated in high school, and although you are amazing, I just can’t date you right now. Hopefully I will get over it, but at this very second, I cant.

All in all you’re amazing, and for the most part it’s not you it’s me. I am just not ready to be committed. I am too old to be going in and out of relationships, and when I do decide to finally settle down, I want to know that it’s going to last for a long time. I don’t want you to wait for me, and I don’t expect you to either. It’s unfair to the both of us. And if I do lose you, it will kill me. It will eat me alive for months knowing that I threw something so good away.

But life goes on, and we will both have grown from our experiences together. Maybe if we’re lucky we will run into each other again or even stay connected, and things work out for us. I just hope if it is over that I taught you some things, because I know I have learned so much from you. You’re beautiful, smart and funny. Don’t ever change.

Love,
The guy who won’t commit. TC mark

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