Thought Catalog
December 1, 2014

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Toxic

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What is the issue?
Voyagerix / (Shutterstock.com)
Voyagerix / (Shutterstock.com)

Do you ever find yourself lying in bed next to your man, watching while he sleeps and asking yourself, “Why am I in a relationship with this jerk?” If you ask yourself this even once, it’s an indication that you’re in a toxic relationship. If I were you, I’d run!

1. You shut the world out when you’re with him.

There’s nothing wrong with savoring each moment with your partner. There’s nothing more fascinating than the feeling of being with someone who gives all his attention and time to you. But it’s a different story when you can no longer respond to calls/SMS from other people just because he always suspects that you’re up to something that would jeopardize your relationship. I needed to mute my phone all the time and block guy friends because I didn’t want him to suspect me of cheating on him. I quit spending time with friends during the relationship because even when he was at work and I was off, I couldn’t spend my day freely. I spent most of my time at home so as not to give him the impression that I was playing around.

2. You don’t look as fab as you did when you were single.

I eat healthy and have a treadmill at home and run as much as I can. Being 5’1” and weighing 110 pounds, I’m overweight for my height, but I have the curves at the right places. I was 110 pounds when we first met. Together, we ate clean and squeezed in exercise in our schedule whenever we could to keep fit—even intermittent fasting. After a month and a half, I dropped down to 101 pounds. But not only did I lose weight, my friends told me that I didn’t look good anymore. They couldn’t see the glow in me that should have been there by the “magic” of being with someone. I didn’t immediately recognize that I was losing weight and getting pale due to relationship stress—I couldn’t sleep, eat, or concentrate at work when we were having arguments because I was stressing on everything. Most of the time, I couldn’t fathom the reason for the argument he had picked, which made me wonder what I’d done wrong. Thing is, I couldn’t ask him because he would just tell me to shut up, turn his back on me, and sleep soundly while I was there lying next to him searching for answers myself.

3. Your friends and family members all hate him.

You don’t need anyone’s approval to be with someone that makes you happy. Sure, your friends’ and family’s opinions matter, but at the end of the day, it’s you who gets to decide who you want to be with. I am blessed to have people around me who genuinely care, who give brutally honest views, and who support me no matter what. So when none of them approves of my man, that means they see something bad in him that I don’t because I am wrapped up in my own fairytale. I can’t see what they can because I am more emotional than logical in this case, but I have to trust their judgment since they know exactly what’s best for me.

4. No matter how self-confident you are, you start second-guessing yourself.

I started questioning myself when even after exhausting my efforts to make him happy he still stirred unhappiness on his own. He’d pick a fight for a simple reason or none at all. He made me think, “Am I not good enough for him? Am I not doing my part as his partner? What more do I have to change about myself? What could I possibly have done wrong?” Often I couldn’t find answers to my questions. I am not saying I’m perfect, but it wasn’t me who had issues, it was him! Never for a moment should you doubt yourself because your partner acts unsatisfied and unappreciative. You have to be at peace with yourself knowing you are doing your best to be loyal, honest, and genuine.

5. You find yourself praying more.

This might sound exaggerated to all of you but for real, I found myself praying very often at no given time and place because I was afraid and always on the lookout for his next outburst. If you are in a healthy relationship and believe in God like I do, you will pray for other things—but not for protection from the very same man you are in a relationship with.

Ladies, if you’re experiencing any of these signs, have some self-respect and the courage to walk away. You are better off without him. TC mark