You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

I liked this. I really, really, really liked this.

Ouch!

Or you could become a monk.

Enjoyed the read!

Amazingly bleak

This is probably the first thing on thought catalog that made me feel an emotion strongly. My heart is breaking.

Well done, this is stunning.

Seconded.

cosign.

I liked this, but then again, I sense these are simply the musings of another tortured indie-llectual waiting for his manic pixie dream girl to come along.

yup.

This was beautifully written. I sort of hated you throughout most of it. By the end, though, I'd changed my mind. Completely. The best thing TC's published since…since I don't know what.

Love.

probably going to get hated on for saying all of this, but, i don't buy your ode as anti-ode gimmick. the prose itself is well-crafted but your description of what makes up a “challenging female partner” just…grosses me out. came off as close-minded, one-dimensional, etc. i'm not sure what's intended to be offensive on purpose here and what's intended to be worshipful. would like to know why you picked only male authors as her “challenging reading content.”

2011 is the year of feeling.

Virginia Woolf?

*lame male authors

You use words nicely, but do some happier stuff for goodness sake. Go, for example, to the gym.

tears on my keyboard.

Very powerful piece–it made me feel, as much as any literature ever has.

Read it again. You missed something.

This piece was a compelling 'read', but made me want to reach for the Zanax…. it seems that either 'option'…..literate vs. illiterate, is soul-less. The protagonist despairs, yet would choose the illiterate girl with the life-potential of a barren oyster over the Reader with the heart of Magellan. Is it really the girl who reads that he hates, or is it his own impotence?

I think you missed something.

Actually seems pretty spot on to me. Phenomenal read!

Dude. I feel you. I really do. Nobody likes being held up to the unfair standards of passion, perfection, and well-told stories. But get a grip, man: tell your own damn stories. And learn to read.

It's a well-written piece, no question. The message is the age-old curse of the misogynist… he hates the fact that he needs a woman.

thanks!

[QUOTE]You Should Date An Illiterate Girl[/QUOTE]

NO.

Real cool post. Made me think of Murakami protagonists. Really liked it.

Yes.

feel like the sentiments here are universal; any person could experience anxiety and insecurity over not achieving an ideal; any person could just as easily spend their life with “someone who doesn't read” and feel the same sort of emptiness. i don't understand why this is misogynistic.

bravo

lol

WOW. Beyond amazing.

I agree. This doesn't read as misogynistic to me at all. Kind of perfect, though.

In this piece, he presents two options: a meaningless life with an illiterate or life with a reader whom he hates. His advice is to choose an illiterate “because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell.” How can you not see the misogyny?

Brilliant

brilliant – blew me away.

A girl doesn't need to read Nabokov to notice your 'bored indifference.' I feel sorry for the author who has apparently had his heart broken by a 'literate' girl, but am disturbed by his lack of respect for those 'girls who don't read,' women he sees as intellectually inferior to himself. Intellectual smugness, even from someone otherwise insecure, is ugly.

I honestly think you need to re-read this. Reading isn't the point, passion is, I think.

Perhaps, yes, but isn't there an implicit assumption that someone who doesn't match some threshold of education and worldliness ('Midwestern') isn't capable of deep emotional understanding?

weirdly agree

He proposes hypotheticals, not options. In the end, the girl who reads has the control: they will not end up together because she is smarter, more confident, more perceptive, and more ambitious in what she wants for herself, (“You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied.”) She is the one unwilling to settle for and with this shallow but seemingly tolerant narrator; he doesn’t have any say.

And I don't think he hates her, either; I think what he hates is how she “makes” him feel–inadequate. He hates that he isn't enough for her. (“You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am.”) In other words, he recognizes that she wants and deserves more, and he validates it. Basically, this is a guy who hates himself.

If the piece were misogynistic, it would just rail against women in general, about all women, however vacuous, because misogyny is hating women for the mere fact that they are women. And, really, that's not what this piece does.

If anything’s being bashed, it’s elitism–and even that, for the wrong reason, entirely.

Fully agree.

He hates the fact the he's not good enough for the girl who reads.

That he “needs a woman” doesn't much matter, one way or the other, because he can “get” one as long as he lowers his standards to…a girl of lower standards.

i don't see this piece in terms of MEN WHO READ vs WOMEN WHO READ vs WOMEN WHO DON'T, but more in terms of PEOPLE WHO THINK vs PEOPLE WHO DON'T. feel like sex and or gender is pretty irrelevant—seems like it’s about confronting expectations/ideals that seem entirely unattainable (to the point they may not even exist) and also like it's really the idea that matters; even if it's not real; “the idea” is always going to make the protagonist feel inadequate and like he “choose” mediocrity, even if that's all there ever was.

don't see misogyny though; calling this “misogynistic” seems limited/missing the point

I've never bid farewell to a hero with only a twinge of sadness.

The term misogynist certainly stirs things up! It may be too strong a term, but I wouldn't assume that he would rail against women in general — if he were a misogynist. By strongly urging the path of least resistance, it appears he is addressing other men… even as a warning from his own failure to pursue passion.
I don't think we differ that much… in my original post I asked “Is it really the girl who reads that
he hates, or is it his own impotence?”

My favorite on TC thus far; so true and inescapable.

nice

This comment seems highly ironic.

I really liked this. But make sure she's not a girl who only reads romance novels.

I rarely comment on message boards, but this article just evoked such a strong emotion in me that I cannot resist.

Well-written, boring, irrelevant, depressing, and pathetic. May I have the last 4 minutes of my life back please. 10 minutes if you count all the time I spent reading the praises and parsings. 15 if you count the time it will take me to write this.

At the end of the day, what pisses me off the most, is the notion that the qualities of an illiterate woman somehow outweigh the negatives of one who is not. This has been echoed above, but the choice (AND IT IS A CHOICE) seems to be about willing to be challenged by a partner who actually stimulates you…or not.

Risk v. Reward. If he marries the simple, midwestern gal who doesn't read (which is obnoxious in itself), and appreciates a kiss in the rain in good light (which, based on my experience, is pretty universally desired by all women) it will end in divorce or you will die unhappy. Marry the reader, who knows, maybe you will be legitimately happy or maybe you will prove inadequate. At least their is the possibility of something sincere.

I've never felt so completely eviscerated by words, or so vivified. Bravo.

Crying? Really?

Yes. Because this person has an opinion different to you, this person must have “missed something.” Sure.

So this person's views on it are wrong, but yours are right? Your view and assumptions are right, and the other person's wrong?

Missing the point. It is implied that the narrator is making flawed assumptions about the causality/correlation, as the style of writing shifts from didactic/prescriptive to downright angry and emotional towards the conclusion of the story. Thus we can tell that the metaphor of literate v.s. illiterate is simply a vehicle for the narrator's (viciously erroneous) rants about his ex-girlfriend.

People, please relax and just enjoy the story.

Wonderfully written.

I hate you too, complainer man. Believe this to be true.

Your girlfriend dumped you because you weren't Edward Cullen.

You realize this is the Internet, right?

Exactly! He's only using “girls who read” as a conceit about a woman thinks, wants, and feels, as opposed to one who merely exists. This shouldn't be read literally. It's a literary device, and you'd know it if you — gasp — read more. :)

Yes, how dare EWK think it was boring or irrelevant. Of course that is wrong. EWK just “didn't get it”. Right. YOU'RE missing the point, ZED. EWK can think what he/she wants.

What's to say YOU “didn't get it”, and that you're understanding is wrong. Presumptuous.

Oh yeah, I forgot that even people who can construct sentences and use words with more than three syllables act like pretentious know-it-alls here in the interwebs.

NO.

Oh, gods, why do we live in an age where every opinion is “equally valid” except the opinion that an opinion sucks or is–shock! awe!–wrong or missing some crucial element?

There's a difference between having a different opinion and misinterpreting what the author is trying to say. If you read this and think that he hates the woman simply because she reads, then yes, you missed something. I completely agree with Molly; he “hates” the reader because she makes him feel inadequate. In other words, he's admitting that she's better than him. That's not misogynistic, and to say so would be–try not to explode–wrong.

Because it's a freaking OPINION! It's not about it being valid, you buffoon, it's about it being an opinion. Jesus wept.

Saying someone “missed something” because they do not agree with them is not about opinion, it's about the person wanting to be right. They are right, their opinion is right, and therefore SOMEONE ELSE “missed something” to end up with a different opinion.

It is not that this other person read into it differently. No no, this person is not at fault. The other person MUST have missed something.

And who is to say YOU are interpreting what he said correctly? Why does this other person have to be misinterpreting it? God forbid that is you who is – try not to explode – wrong.

i must have missed the ceremony at which you were appointed thoughcatalog policeman.

maybe back the fuck off, billh, and an actual dialogue can develop. it will be that much easier if you can refrain from crashtackling anyone who seems to have gained something by reading the piece.

Thanks, Thomas. I think we're simpatico, here. I'm with you on all of the above.

I liked this better when I first read it when it was called Madame Bovary. Well, except it didn't end so well for the literate girl.

come ON- he obviously didn't get the blaring sarcasm and irony- it's pretty clear he DOES value the reader/thinker over the simple non- reader. reading it otherwise is simple lack of reading comprehension, not just a different “opinion”.

I really enjoyed this piece.

But as I was reading the comments, I kept getting annoyed by this person who just randomly interjected into thoughtful discussions and debates with unrelated issues, like “WHO SAYS YOUR OPINION IS THE MOST RIGHT” and shit like that. Dude. Chill out. No one is asserting that they are indisputably correct, but rather they are encouraging discourse and pursuing a more complete understanding of this piece, which requires the rebuttal of other opinions and ideas.

Geeze.

i found your writing beautiful and amazing,but on reading some comments,would have to say i felt kinda lost about the context,but what the heck,i am the reader,and i can interpret it my way..and i think the romanticism and pathos is beautifully expressed.

The idea that a reader is better than someone who doesn't is preposterous. There's far more to humankind than the ability to read.

Gotta love nerds.

On a related note,
John Berryman's Dream Song 187

I'm a little confused by your one-man crusade to extinguish the entire basis for any kind of debate, argument, discussion, conversation, or…really, any general exchange of ideas. It's not like we're arguing about a scientific paper, this is a written piece submitted as art, and therefore open to interpretations as varied as the people who are reading it. I asked you if you'd forgotten that this is the Internet, where pissants endlessly quibbling over nuances are pretty much de rigeur, and you should probably let it roll off your back.

This is beautiful. As I said on Facebook when I shared it, this is the best thing I've read in a long while.

I can't believe the comment trail, either. It only proves your point. There are those who see, and those who don't. Ignore the blind.

…well now, see, that's just your opinion.

A good writer, for sure, but I find it hard to empathize with a character who is so out of touch with his own agency. I mean, all of the life circumstances he's suffering are a direct result of choices he's made. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I guess maybe it reminds me of my teenage conviction that my problems were all other peoples' fault.

And the bit about how much his pretty, “illiterate,” happy, “Midwestern” wife disappoints him? Really obnoxious. You're not better than people less educated than you, or people who grew up in a different culture than you.

And take it from a girl who reads – understanding a lot about the world does not make a lady naively wait around for a man who will fill her life with passion and perfection.

Also, vacuous sophistry? Obviously a smart and promising writer, but put down the thesaurus!

Solution to feeling confronted as a non-reader? Read.

Good piece. Some commenters missed the point, but I see where they're coming from: clearly, this is somewhat of a personal revenge narrative, so it contains the same flaws of all revenge-inspired narratives. But the author is aware of that and I think the style adopted compensates for whatever revenge impulses motivated this piece.

hahahah.. best comment in this thread!

Well, I think it's beautifully written in the sense that the author successfully poured out in literal words all lamentations he had. But as a whole, I feel sad for him that he became this person because of those experiences — so strongly hateful. It's just wrong to see everything in the negative. And I think one should never see life that way.

yes

wow. you all do realize that this is totally a satire of people who base thier love relationships off of superficialness rather than depth? I highly doubt this is actually a personal account at all. Watch more Stephan Colbert people.

i feel im the literate girl, sorry for keeping up with the standards

but writing, and art in general, is about the entire range of human experience/emotion. he's not writing so you can see what a great and healthy person he is- he's writing to express this very particular experience, and if it's cynical, fine- the point is HOW he is expressing it, which as you said, is quite beautiful despite the darkness. how boring and two dimensional would art that only sees life positively be?

regardless of why he's in whatever circumstance, seems like the point is this particular expression and description of the circumstance- i mean, seems like a lot of people want to psychoanalyze him as a person as opposed to the piece of writing. and i think the part about the non-reader wife is more to illustrate that he wishes he *could* be happy with a simple wife and life, because readergirl is too complicated. beyond that i didn't see anything offensive- i am sure there are cultures you might not connect with as well- i don't think it's being elitist if you really need to be with someone on your intellectual level to connect. also, i think he's allowed as an artist to dispense with pc pleasantries to a certain degree, or art would be all nice and vanilla and…dishonest.

as devil's advocate…maybe a non-reader may very well be intellectually inferior to a reader just by virtue of not reading. before everyone freaks out, that may not be as offensive as it sounds. i mean, if we're talking about being intellectual…it may be safe to say that intellectual people most likely read. that doesn't mean a non-reader can't be talented and smart in a non-intellectual way, and he may very well be able to respect that. maybe it's just not what he needs in a woman?

Who on earth is BILLH, and is why the hell is he trolling?

Yes, be blind to the blind people (or merely those who see differently from you). That makes you better.

WWrite a shitty essay. Think it's profound. Consider sending it to the New Worker and have a rare flash of your own limitations. Publish it online instead.

awww

If you're apologizing, you're not that girl.

I find your comment is somewhat unfair towards the author. You assume that he is arrogant and that he thinks that this piece is absolutely wonderful. I think it's far more likely that he is only too aware of his shortcomings and his inability to write (like most authors I've met) and is just happy to be heard.

I'm not sure if I like this. Mostly because it just seems so…anti-woman to me. I know it's supposed to be personal, but putting women into two categories like “literate” and “illiterate” really bother me.

you're really obtuse and annoying. also, a fangirl.

agreed! also, hemingway?! i side-eyed that.

What a sincere experiment in tragedy this article is. I wonder about the person who wrote it.

First of all, I noticed while reading everyone else's comments that some (and by some I mean many) are taking this article for absolute truth and very much for face value. Do you not understand that this is completely satyrical? The speaker of this piece is urging us to “date an illiterate girl” but really the whole piece is giving testimony to the numerous benefits of a girl who DOES read. In fact he is pretty much screaming “Please date someone who reads!”. Not to bash women, but as a social commentary on relationships, how they are formed, and how many of us get into relationships with little foundation or meaning when in fact that's what we all crave. It's a comment on fear and how by giving in to it we miss out on maybe greater more fulfilling loves. But since it's often boring and trite to say it in plain english, this person has creatively and skillfully said the same thing in satire. This piece is, awesome.

Very well said CEJ.

As a lesbian, I am indifferent to the question of whether the viewpoint was misogynist or simply all -hating; be assured that one doesn't need to be male to be either or both.
I am surprised that so many comments assumed that the viewpoint reflected the writer's own experiences and/or opinions. This could just as well have been written by the 'girl who reads' or some insightful third party.
Of course no life really need be so polar, it's never really a choice between passion or indifference, intellect vs mediocrity, midwestern stoicism vs coastal histrionics.
I found my girl who reads, and she found hers. We take strength from the other's unique talents, each amazed that the other accepts our flaws and cherishes our gifts. We often marvel (smugly?) at the foolishness of so many around us, who pursue love without the effort of becoming worthy of it.

I agree with that and I would add that this piece tells something beutifull about the burden of male domination. This piece is essentially feminist.

it seems the author loved the girl who read too much so she settled for someone whom he doesn't love but loves him.

“no one will write the story of your lives” really? You just did!

Girls who don't read aren't always like that and aren't always destined to have a boring life. This is so black and white it's bad.

Why is it we presume the essay to be autobiographical?

Let's be honest, if you're dating, you're probably illiterate. I'm assuming that 'illiterate' here means 'unversed in the most popular modern authors'.

Hemmingway is in strange company, isn't he?

Most people will never need to worry about this. Dan Brown is certainly more popular than Joyce or Nabokov. Has the author even read any of the people he's mentioning? Frustration is a popular theme among modern authors, as well as the undermining of the 'well-structured story'. If you read heavily, you probably understand that ugliness is inherent in the human condition, but companionship is wonderful despite this, and we should take anything we can get.

You're right to interpret some of it as satire, but just as it is a mistake to read this piece as favouring the girl who doesn't read, it is also a mistake to read it as completely in favour of the girl who does. The tone in the second part is too sincere, too evocative, too visceral. I would argue that the irony goes against both types of pursuits. The first option is relatively easy and painless, but leaves one “empty and unfulfilled.” The second option is more difficult, but could be more rewarding or, alternatively, more painful.

Aside: Those who are criticizing this piece for being too black and white have unfortunately missed the point. This is creative non-fiction, not an essay that is trying to logically frame a worldview or ideology. It's difficult to put your finger on, but there is something beatiful and tragic about this piece.

Art comes from the mud of real life and the real world, especially creative non-fiction. Just as it is a mistake to assume that the piece is autobiographical, it is also a mistake to assume that this piece has no relation to the writer's own experiences. The tone is too personal, too charged with emotion for the author to be distanced from the material.

Also when commenters such as me talk of it as a “revenge” piece, I meant that the narrator carries a grudge. That's the point-of-view. Note that narrator and author are never exactly the same thing, though in this case, they might share some views. It's debatable.

The author is my boyfriend. FML.

I couldn't agree more. This piece of writing is rambling and full of crap. The bottom line is the author was dumped by a smart girl so he now prefers someone who's dumb and naive so he can have full control of the relationship and conceal all his insecurities. I pity this bitter man.

I don't think it's totally about a certain life partner, it's about life decisions and settling. I think it's about being mediocre his/her whole life, and being regretful that s/he was mediocre and never really chose to live on a different note as compared to the “American Dream” that media portrays. The girl could be just a symbol of his life and his actions. See Revolutionary Road.

i love lesbians!

its not supposed to be taken literally, its literature, its driving at a point and that point definitley isn't about categorizing women, its feminist. Its trying to say that men who want to subjugate their women and play the dominating man with a woman who has no say have boring, unfulfilling lives because there is not much to the person they dated.

this piece is about men in the 50s and in afghanistan and similar places.

why would a man want to date a woman pet?

i pity on u 2 be smart

Wow some people really missed the point on this one. Great dichotomy, I really understood what you intended the readers to feel. Maybe because I'm a girl who reads ;)

I agree.

Whatever happened to literature taken as literature?

Must everything be written straightforward and literal in this age of entitlement? Have we lost the ability to stop and think before we press “post comment.”

This uses rich satire to drive a strong point. As a man possibly entering my midlife crisis, I see much. Having had difficulty with relationships in the past with, I recently considered getting into a shallow one just for the sake of it.

Despite that context, I was able to see that this is in praise of the literate girl. Of the woman who makes life fantastic and interesting. The visceral hate in the end is the frustration of the man towards a woman he can't help but love, and can't control in a fashion that would make life easier for him albeit, ultimately unfulfilling as illustrated by his of the illiterate girl.

I can certainly understand that the bitterness oft lamented in these threads, is used as worship expressed in reverse. Just as a petulant child would desperately find fault in something he cannot have, perhaps decrying the virtues of an amazing birthday party as “lame” borne out of his not having been invited to it. Such is the emotion towards the end of the essay.

And when one considers that levels of illiteracy goes beyond inability to read but also inability comprehend literary expression, then methinks there are a lot of “illiterate girls” revealing themselves with the very hate they spew.

i know a lot of girls who dumb themselves down just because some guys prefer bimbos to those who can actually think. they should read this. thank you for this piece.

The comments were better than the actual article.

I like the article. I actually find it somehow…sweet. I won't make any attempt to (over)analyze the piece but out of all the comments, I understood it like how Molly Osmaks did.

He doesn't hate the girl… He's actually in love with her and HATES the fact that he isn't good enough.
Yeah, may be a little bitter. :)

Superbly written =)

Great. All that reading, and apparently it will make the man I love worse off. This is beautifully written, though. I hope she/ they realize how much real life matters, too.

wowwww this is really offensive, inslulting, elitist and grosss…. so basically girls who can't read dont undrestand true love, life, the human experience and girls who can read do….. the only way to fully comprehend one's experience and one's possibilities as a human is to be educated by a specific system and learn an arbitrary method of communication… sry dude, indieartistfail

No, he didn't. He wrote the general story, the common story, the one which is the same and never extraordinary. And that is the point. No one will ever write their own, their particular story. There may be written stories just like theirs, but not their own.

If it makes sense.

Well, have you thought that maybe reading is only used as an example, metaphore of sort, and the true distinction is in a character of the person, their way of thinking and feeling things?

While I appreciate the inherent satire and underlying meaning of the piece, the implication that all small-town girls from the midwest are uneducated and illiterate immediately put me off. It's easy to use stereotypes to prove a point. Wouldn't it be better for reader and writer to step past preconceived notions of who is and isn't intelligent? Book learning doesn't always equate to knowledge, just as the absence of it doesn't always equate to stupidity.

only he literally says

Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder.

one needs a vocabulary and a command of syntax to understand the world and have depth, totally elitist and shallow… esp in combination with his own pretentious writing style, like “look @ me say 'vacuous sophistry' — i must be 'really deep' and feel things more strongly and more perceptively than those who couldnt afford kenyon”

the piece was good, and moving. i thought at first it may be a bit too pretentious, but then i compared it to the comments.

Agreed. It's kind of like saying ignorance is bliss…but not really.

I find it interesting that of all those who have commenteds so far, not one ever considered that there are other ways to read besides books: one can read life, people, conversations, events, expressions, body language, etc., all without cracking the covers of a book. 

Also, while exquisitely written in most ways (as a professional editor, I can't completely turn off that mode), there are some grammatical errors (“people that look away” should be “people WHO look away”). And the second half of the piece loses some of its power because the author let the emotion take over the expression of it so much he devolved down to such cliches as “I really really really hate her,” which, after all the amazing imagery he'd evoked previously, sounded adolescent and petulant. Thus, he drained power from the end of the piece, which ended on a rather common (as in base) note, and fell a bit flat.

Commenters also missed the point that the purpose of art is to stimulate discussion, to promote considering other ways of looking at things, not necessarily to convert anyone to a specific point of view. In that, this piece has succeeded admirably, lifting it from a mere well-written opinion piece (or pure fiction, if that is the case) into the realm of true art. With some careful rewriting, especially of the weak spots in the second half, one might then say great art…

And it is entirely possible that this is not about exterior male/female relationships at all, but the relationship of the male and female aspects of his/her (afterwards noted as 'his' for simplicity's sake) own psyche: The age-old conundrum of the writer who yearns to be more than he believes he can be, who struggles with the temptation to take the easy way out, to coast through life, to stop learning and growing as a writer (and a person), who is blind to his own ability and sees only flashes of the inner brilliance that makes life meaningful for him. And disregarding what others might see in him.

This is a piece that has more layers than have yet been explored; alien territories that deserve exploration by those of us who “read,” and those who might be encouraged to begin reading. Inner space: the unknowable frontier. Life’s worth more than a second look. Thanks for the jumping-off point.

“I hate you. I really really really hate you.”

Since this piece is obviously satire, we can interpret that his “hate” was actually “love.” After all, who would right such a commendable diatribe about someone they really hated?

Yes, he HATES that he loved her so. It is a very bittersweet piece.

Give me a break.

You can't even spell, use a spell-checker, duh; or even punctuate correctly. You are about as credible as is your whimsy in supposing your time has been wasted.

Why not pick up a copy of the New Yorker or Mad Magazine, since reading comprehension seems to be your weakest strength and get a clue of what satire is all about.

I shudder to think what your opinion of Jonathan Swift's “A Modest Proposal” would amount to; perhaps you'd might already have been eaten by your own parents instead of suffering this forum with your charlatan masquerade.

There, they're in their beds. Tuck in the little children. But make sure you've had a snack first.

CEJ has nailed it; this piece is, awesome.

I liked this piece enough to get through it, but I read it a second time and I can't help but feeling that its overstatement and reliance on the cliche makes it fall eventually flat. How much more powerful would this piece have been if the author had stayed closer to real life–if the alternate woman had not been from the midwest, had not been found in a bar, dumbly smiling, if it hadn't extended past a point of life experience with which the author is clearly not acquainted? I wish I knew what life with a “less-intelligent,” or less readerly woman is really like. Surely, she watches romantic movies, reads some kind of something, watches television. What kind of relationship does this create? I'm sure she has complaints, still, with the blatantly misogynist author. It would be interesting to know how they're conveyed in comparison with the “literate” woman.

The second page, while emotionally attractive, lapses even further into the land of horrible cliche. The line, “she has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness” is clearly awful. The entire last paragraph seems lazy. Some parts of it are nice. It could use editing. It's hard not to feel, when reading it, that the writer of the piece is not a true, thorough reader himself. Did the literate woman really seek anything more idealistic than that portrayed on television?

I would guess, instead, that she sought someone a little more complex than the author–a man who was capable of writing a piece that didn't rely so heavily on well-worn stereotypes, or a man who wouldn't write something so clearly anti-woman, perhaps.

Well said, but I would argue that the descent into puerile emotionalism is in fact a compelling device. The author writes of cadence and rhythm and the gradual devolution echoes quite realistically (in my opinion of course) how rational thought can lead one to irrational, juvenile outburst. Maintaining composure founded on logic and reasoning, if leading to an conclusion which is difficult if not anathema to confront, often ends in meaningless accusation, whether the target be a person or the arbitrary nature of human existence.

Also, I agree completely with your observation that 'reading' should be understood as individualistic and progressive learning. (Disclaimer: anecdotal and thus arguably irrelevant details to follow). I have many friends who barely read, whether for recreation or as a function of their employment. Growing up in the rural south virtually assures this (yes, I also realize that the phenomenon is hardly limited to American socio-geography). Yet they are astonishingly creative, complex individuals who are rewarding to interact with, otherwise I wouldn't. Reading is one of many means to an end, that end being progression and sophistication, not in any type of tweed, leatherbound elitist sense, but more along the lines of self-actualization and the realization of goals and aspirations.

I read this as a satire of all those pretensions, not as an affirmation or endorsement of any particular mode or model of individual. More as a self-critical assessment of the internalized expectations attached to learning, education, and a cosmopolitan outlook. Not disagreeing with you, just discussing how I understood the piece.

I think though that you have to consider the temporal structure of the piece. Regardless if this is pure fiction, creative non-fiction, or autobiographical, it seems, at least to me, that it represents a period of time following relatively soon after a spirit crushing break-up. The world is definitely not this polar, but during particular periods of time it may often seem that way.

And on that note I'm done commenting, went a little overboard here. (two or three more are somewhere above. I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff I must admit.)

This has been heavily genderized in the commentary. Is it anti-female? Is it chauvinistic? Why all the stereotypes? I would suggest substituting 'male' for 'female' in the title. Doesn't it makes sense that it would be an illiterate girl if the author is a heterosexual male? In fact substitute any alt, trans, bi, tri, quadri, pan, poly gender term you want and the result is identical. Male/female it totally irrelevant to the underlying meaning. Articulation, the ability to accurately and compellingly describe yourself and thoughts in a manner easily understood by another is an extraordinarily powerful tool that in some circumstances can be extremely painful as it can put a spotlight on your own failures and weaknesses.

uhh, in that second sentence it should clearly be 'guy' for 'girl', there is no usage of male or female in the title.

The first half was captivating. It built very strong images in my head, suggested by short sentences with concrete details. The second half was a pain to read.

All those big words and overly complicated sentences said nothing. Maybe there is a point there about “literate girls” or the “literate life” or whatever, but I couldn't follow through all that bombast. Maybe there is something there, but I'll never know because I would rather read a thesaurus than to read that second half again.

Ironic that the so-called literate half of the piece was unreadable. Also ironic that this author should bring up Hemingway, an author who is known for writing with simple words in simple sentences. The first half of this piece was Hemingway-like and spoke to me. It was written with nouns and verbs. The second half was completely alienating. It was written with needless amounts of adjectives and adverbs, conveying no meaning, no images, no thing. I'm sure the author intended for the contrast–in fact, it is the conceit of the piece–and the shift in style was a calculated gambit. It failed.

If the literate girl represents the literate life, never have I been so convinced that the illiterate girl with her simple, honest sentences leads the life of the artist and is the one I'd rather date any day of the week. The literate girl seems pretentious and hollow. All that fancy syntax and vocabulary: a whole lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing. The illiterate one seems to be the one who has actually lived a life and has something to say.

“I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.”
These were the only two well crafted sentences of the second half.

I disagree. Without the well worn stereotypes this piece wouldn't work as well. I think the writer is more self conscious than you are giving him credit for.

This is a classic example of an unreliable narrator. I would read the implications about small-town, midwest girls in that light.

Agree. He used clichés and hifautin words in the second piece to his advantage, at least that's what I got from it.

Think the problem with the second half is in the cadence. It interferes with what he's trying to express.

If you had actually read some Hemingway, you'd realize how untrue this statement is: “Hemingway, an author who is known for writing with simple words in simple sentences.”

Hemingway's sentences can reach lengths Faulkner would admire, which to to say is almost as long as the lengths you've gone to prove you're smarter than the writer above.

it's a device, but I didn't find it compelling. “vacuous sophistry”, I'm afraid.

I totally agree, that is how I read it as well.

I think it is elitist on a certain level when you condescend only so you can have a less stressful relationship. In avoiding the girl who reads, there's the suggestion that he *could* do better, making himself of a better class of people, but won't. Nor is it for the benefit of the simple girl, which is the part that made me dislike the character.

If you're going to say that, can you at least write what you think the person missed?

These are some of the best comments. What was clearly written as a bit of a joke, with the help of a thesaurus has sparked some really pseudo-intellectual debate. But this did make me think of Flaubert's Madame Bovary who reads and then has a totally false representation of life one of perfection, that she will never be able to have – basically she goes fucking mental

Goldwin Smith, a founding professor of English and history at Cornell University, the first Ivy League university that was co-educational from its inception, said, “subjecting women to the rigors of competitive examinations might make them unmarriageable.”

I can't believe this is even a joking premise in writing by a 21-year-old man in 2011. But, then, world-weary misogyny from young male writers continues to be all the rage these days.

To Quote Eddie Murphy from “Raw”:
“If I ever get married, I have to go off to the woods of Africa and find me some crazy, naked, zebra bitch…that knows nothing about money.She got to be butt naked on a zebra with a big bone in her nose and a big plate lip and a big, fucked-up Afro! Her Afro… Afro gotta…Like, Angela Davis see it and go:
“Goddamn, that's some fucked-up shit.” Afro gotta be fucked up and one of them picks with a fist in the back. And she gotta be butt naked,because if she got clothes,she gonna have to put something in the pockets.She's gotta be butt naked on the zebra. And y'all think it's a joke…And I'm gonna bring her home. Y'all gonna go past a newsstand one day and see me on the cover of JET with some woman with a big bone and a plate and a big, fucked-up Afro,butt naked, and y'all gonna say,”Eddie must be visiting Africa.” It'll say, “Murphy Marries Bush Bitch.” …Because I ain't getting caught. I refuse to get caught out there. Fuck that. And I'm gonna bring her home and lock her up in the house. You go off to Africa
and get you a bush woman, you can't let her mingle with American women. Because they'll change her shit up. American women stick together. Last thing they wanna see is you got some trained bush bitch in your house. They will catch her by herself in the kitchen and throw a monkey wrench
in your whole program.”

See my super long comment a bit above; it's all in there.

Err. I'm the first person to yell misogyny, seriously, but this isn't it. I'm pretty sure it's just verbal irony. Look at it this way – is he insulting the girl who can read or the boy (the writer) who can't keep her?

I think it's more the narrator trying to live up to the girl who can read, and failing. I really don't think we're supposed to think he's that awesome.

I think I see it more as the ability to imagine a world beyond your own (a skill honed by reading fiction) keeps the girl from settling.

I agree with Luke and Asia. I think it is a (very well crafted and nuanced and FUNNY) rant about how his girl left him.

wow, Lauren, mayhaps you should look into reading something? And learning about irony?

Um. Only if your man is some not so great guy (such as the narrator) who you want to, and probably should, break up with.

Yeah, I kind of presumed it wasn't. I think it's letting on a little too clearly that the narrator is unreliable. Real narrators don't like it when people realize that. :)

And take it from a girl who reads – understanding a lot about the world does not make a lady naively wait around for a man who will fill her life with passion and perfection.

- That's the point – the girl who reads MOVES ON. As to it being unfair to the illiterate woman, it seems more like he hasn't actually met “her.” That's just what he's imagining as the opposite of the woman who just left him.

Between the comment and the name… Is this a troll?

Yes! Yes this is the point exactly! Except I hope the man you're pitying is this character, as opposed to assuming the writer didn't realize the irony?

Hmm, I felt the girl who reads is more someone who is aware of experiences beyond her own, possibilities beyond her own. Passion works too, of course.

That's true. I really think we're not supposed to like the narrator.

Well if you can point to evidence in the text that supports what you're saying then I would say you are more likely to be right? No one's claiming to know 100% here, but that doesn't seem so unreasonable to me.

Hmm, I feel like it's instead acknowledging that all those pixie dream girls who pick the boring guys in movies would actually know enough to keep going… But yeah, I'd agree that's what the narrator was hoping for.

I think you hit it on the head. I didn't interpret this piece's meaning so literally to believe the author's point is that girls who legitimately cannot read aren't capable of love–I think his interpretation describes how empty life can be if you choose the wrong partner. He picked the flirtatious girl at the club, not the girl reading in the back of the cafe and he regrets it. He's dealing with personal issues throughout the story and they're reflected through the portrayals of the girls.

This was an incredibly eloquent (and real) piece. Thanks for sharing.

Yes, Hemingway would purposely write run-on sentences the length of a page to great effect, contrasting it with his otherwise terse sentences. Doesn't mean he isn't known for writing with short sentences and simple words.

No one said anything about being smarter. Unlike your comment, my criticism was directed at the writing, not the author. Don't know why you insist on taking it personally.

i am quite smitten with this piece

So much hate and nobody remembers that hate is not a primary feeling but it is your body's reaction to you denying your needs

http://www.eruptingmind.com/pr…/

To the author— Who are you kidding… all women are unsatisfied complainers.

To everyone else— The above statement is more arguably misogynistic; however, even if someone states that women are unsatisfied complainers, that doesn't mean one hates them. That's like arguing that “women have babies” is inherently; although there may be misogynists who say “women have babies” and actually hate them for it.

Believe me, a girl who reads who happens to be inlove will pretend to have not read anything at all just so that men can feed their ego.

I am surprised at the number of people who missed the point entirely.
The girl who doesn't read is a symbol, this piece is not meant to be read literally,
Although I am a girl who reads so I may be biased

This story might've been true before television and movies. Nowadays – what with Sex and the City and Oprah and Swiffer commercials – any woman has access to a vocabulary of discontent, no reading required.

And so does every man. We can watch and dream of a thousand lives not our own. We can put specific, vivid dream sequences to every vague feeling of ennui.

Books may have started it – novels in particular – but now it's universally available. Right this instant, there's a simple woman in a simple mid-western town who you're looking at across the bar who wishes she was on the Jersey Shore.

“If the literate girl represents the literate life, never have I been so convinced that the illiterate girl with her simple, honest sentences leads the life of the artist and is the one I'd rather date any day of the week.”

PERFECTLY STATED. my ex boyfriend sent this to me as to say i was the girl here. the illiterate one. Pretentious and hollow are words that i associate with him all too well.

this review is flawless.

Excuse me, I'll have a generous serving of the pretentious crap. Thank you.

Maybe I'm in the minority but I consider myself a “girl who reads” (though have never picked up Hemmingway) and I don't see this as insulting, complimentary, offensive, ironic, overly-interllectual or anything other than a guy who got dumped for the right reasons and is hurting over it. What guy would want to be with a girl who is content with an empty life with all stereotypical things you “should do” and accomplish rather than with a girl with her own thoughts who wants emotion and passion and her own life?

Yes, it may be easier to please a woman with no aspirations outside of the box, but perhaps taking the more difficult road has a better and richer payoff in the end.

As a woman, I would not want to settle for a man who was willing to settle for me. I want passion. I want every possibility.

(And as an aside I can't believe I'm responding to this as the majority of comments are so pretentious they make my eyes bleed. Not everything has to be torn apart in 50 ways. Sometimes the meaning is plain.)

I loved this piece.

amazing. both articles so far. please write more.

lol

only if he is all wound up in himself and unable to see your bright and wondrous sparkle
we are together 12 years, he says “I could only accept a thought filled kind intelligent woman”, and I need more than a set of pecs and thighs, a thought filled kind intelligent man works just about right

sad

it is about a man who came to realize he did not have the ability to listen to and connect with women truly. He understood there was a disconnect, and is truly trying to work on it with a positon of openness and a small amount of humility.
Good luck Sir and welcome aboard. Let those who read and love books and people keep talking and reading and loving. Let those who read and think come together and make babies.

silly

I want a girl who reads because I am a guy who reads…and I have one!

Great article though. Nuanced and delectable.

If you're a girl who reads then read Madame Bovary and see what he is talking about.

Perhaps it has just sparked a pretentious attitude from those who refuse to admit to an intellect they do not recognize, because it is not their own.

Perhaps you only believe it to be a partial joke because only someone with a different philosophical outlook will see it as a truth they themselves hold.

Perhaps you understood the point but did not see philosophical intent, because your views are kept narrow.

to put it simply, you are retarded.

I am a man who reads, and I think you need to re-read this piece and better understand why you love it.

You ask questions, and then answer, that this piece already answers. Your post makes it appear as if you don't think that the piece is about why you SHOULD date a girl who reads.

Lauren, this is a post about why you SHOULD date a girl who reads

Lauren, this is a piece about why you SHOULD date a girl who reads.

Despite liking the general thrust of your comment, I don't think it's fair to brand a lot of the comments as “pretentious.” The meaning is plain, sure, but it is still a piece that can be wrongly interpreted, so there must be those who defend and rearticulate its meaning to balance those who attack it because they think it means something else. Clearly it's a polarizing piece, and that it sparks discussion about the issues– even if it means drifting away from the original piece– only proves that it has value.

also kinda heartbreaking teddylj no one really escapes this witticism of fantasy if she bids farewell to them with only a “twinge of sadness” the expectations that haven't or can't be met should be beautiful to her as human. overall pretty harsh as the insatiable woman and the limited man

Then don't. If you can't believe you're responding to the comments, then don't. If they're being pretentious, then you're being condescending and sanctimonious.

I'm sorry, what is this… imbicility?

While this writer may have been serious, this honestly does not seem as if it should be taken literally. He isn't actually saying not to love a literate girl; he's simply playing a character. If you're writing as yourself, the writing is hardly ever interesting; the lot of you need to learn to read for context and meaning, instead of taking everything at face value. It's really quite meaningful, if you can understand it.

Forgive my uncouth internet-lingo, but LOL! This was priceless, and not completely devoid of humour. I really liked it. I second the motion for another piece of this kind. Tihi. Again, forgive my pretensiousness.

This seems hella classicist 2 me. Think the predatory behavior of the narrative voice is being rewarded by his (overwrought) plea 4 sympathy in the 2nd half, which takes a complete tonal nosedive and becomes unreadable. Every other comment that goes 'Oh u poor bb i am a literate grrrl/boy and i feel yr pain b/c all my years of reading male european authors has hardened me 2 all expectations, readers high five' are you for real? This is fetishism at it's ugliest straight from the author's personal wank bank. U can argue all you want abt literal meaning vs. interpretation, but really, if this was some grand metaphorical anti-ode to normative domesticity then the author could have picked a couple of better allegorical stand ins to bear the brunt of his hate.

also this is better: http://glorydrugstalkloud.blog…/

this is a great piece, although i agree that some of the writing in the second half could be tightened up. reading the comments, however, has made me physically dumber.

I'm assuming you type like a moron to be ironic…

but you are completely right. The first half starts strong but it's all lost in the second.

OooooooOOOOOOOOO! Handbags at dawn!

Hello everyone. Missing the irony just a touch? He clearly LOVES the girl who reads.

This story was scary for me, because I'm just like your girl who reads and I don't know what to do. Please help. Maybe you could get me in touch with your ex. Thanks :)

Complete bull. Just because you found you can't please an intelligent girl you entreat others to only date the dumb ones?
Perhaps you should work harder on relationships.
Perhaps your looks and personality attract the kind of girl looking for the fairytale prince, which you ultimately fail to be.
Either way you are not working hard enough to please and be honestly yourself with a woman.

There is an overwhelming irony in criticism composed in the language of a mongoloid. And LOL at using comments for self-promotion. Try to write something better and generate your own traffic.

LOL Sorry didn't mean to ruffle your feathers!

Looks like someone needs to read more.

Oh, I prefer jello wrestling myself.

Hmm…I don't see this as an entreaty to date dumb girls. I see this as a call to date the “girl who reads” — because even though it may be more difficult the payoff is more worth it in the end. And that he believes — likely because he was just dumped by one and is hurting over it — that he wants to live up to that standard as hard as it is. Perhaps he has realized that he did not work as hard as he needed to, but why settle if that is the alternative?

I DO think the piece is about why you SHOULD date a girl who reads. I'm sorry if I did not make that clear for you.

I do agree with you fully, that it is a piece that can be wrongly interpreted, and without defense of that there would be no conversation.

Thank you for the suggestion, but I will pass. Instead, please tell me what your interpretation is and I will let you know if I agree?

I'm dating a girl that reads Twilight. Does that count?

LOLLLLLLLLL.

Overflowing with bitterness and resentment. Moral of the story is you might as well find an interesting, complex girl that can be “difficult” to please, as opposed to a simple, boring, convenient girl.

I don't think he means this as a generalization. It's just a story about heartache. Don't take it too seriously look into it a little bit. This is a good story.

This is obviously satire. That's all there is to it.

There is if you assume that, but I'm sure the author didn't. As said by other posters, the thought of a girl who can't read is about how her illiteracy carries along with it a certain innocence. Girls (and guys for that matter), who don't read may not know of the cliche love stories that set the bar impossibly high for all relationships. Ignorance of these stories may be the only way in which we can truly FEEL love, and have that deep emotional understanding.

It's not the illiterate who can't understand love. It's the literate who MISunderstand it.

how does one become 'physically dumber?'

This reflects nothing but pure fantasy on the part of the author. The fact that a girl reads doesn't prevent any of the drab cycles he mentioned from occurring, and believe me, I know from experience. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that many women who read have experience only with fiction and fantasy rather actual living, resulting in a stilted existence that unfortunately does not translate into happines in the real world.

Oh my fucking god that's exactly one of the points.

wow, so funny i wanna read it again, NOT

Exactly. It's about learning to live like a man that doesn't get away with the mundane. To live up to expectations that a woman that loves him has. It's not negative. It's a call to action on his own part.

Proof that the person did get dumber.

One of whose points? The author never makes this point. He seems to be arguing that only women who read are capable of understanding the nuances of love and relationships. Actually, many of them only have a FICTIONAL understanding of these things. They understand only the fantastic creations of an authors imaginations rather than any grasp of the much more complex and sometimes mundane realities of actual life. So, I would present the counter-thesis that SOME women who don't read make great mates, and SOME women who read make great mates. In other words, the author's overarching thesis is bullshit.

Did you read the second page? The author is implying (at least to me) that women who read (too much) have an unrealistic expectation of love and relationships!

I think that you caught the point. Everyone else seems to be looking for a fool-proof end-all definition of the perfect girl, which I don't think was the author's burden. I think that this is a beautiful example of a metaphor; a woman (I'm correcting him here) who reads, e.g. a creative, clever woman who refuses to accept mediocrity. A woman who recognizes the power of her mind and beauty and knows that she will never need anyone. Those “simple, boring, convenient” girls need men, and this woman can provide for herself and knows it. More women should be like her.

I believe reading the comments has rendered him incapable of speech. Personally, I'm not sad.

Young verbose men always be tryin' to use unnecessarily erudite words.

This should be “You should date a tone-deaf girl.” Dolly Parton don't read, but she'll sing your right off of the pooper while you're crying your unsatisfied heart out.

All of you are fucking idiots if you can't appreciate this. This isn't factual. This isn't a scientific evidence. This is raw, honest, perfect emotion. Fuck your insincerity.

Or maybe you should date a girl you reads because she recognizes a love letter when she sees one.

Well, look at the authors he's looking at-Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, Vladimir Nabokov. Those writers didn't create “Twilight” perfect-ending, love-conquers-all shitfests. They created real works of art that, instead of glossing over the hard stuff, they explore every part of the human experience. I think he's referring to a girl who reads true literature, not just brain candy (like romance paperbacks or the aforementioned Twilight series).

it's simple.. date an illiterate girl and she'll be forever your puppet or date a girl who reads and she'll keep thinkin… hehe this is what it is all about..

Will you calm down? I can only speak for myself, but I was put off more by the author's arrant bombast than his sentiments. No one is required to like anything, especially a two-page internet lament.

Yeah but, is she hot?!

“You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads.”

Love this piece. Love it because only 30% can win in our hierarchical market economy, and most of them are a**holes. Love that the author gives up, rather than working to be in that 30%. Because let's be honest–no matter how much you want to sugarcoat it, the way you advance in this society is not really through “hard work, and dependability” although that is the appearance advancement takes. But look more closely–dependability to who? Not to your neighbors or those in need, but to academic ideologies and business interests. Getting ahead means beating out your peers and serving those in power, plain and simple. (Unless of course you're an entrepreneur, meaning you are the one in power, in which case you're simply expanding the prevalence of this system of hierarchical privilege.) So I love that the author gives up the dream of privilege. I love that he accepts who he is, rather than trying “to be everything that I am not.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

FUCK. i love this. REALLY.

“Right this instant, there's a simple woman in a simple mid-western town who you're looking at across the bar who wishes she was on the Jersey Shore.”

That might be the most depressing sentence I've ever read.

except you can't erase context. man writing about women as fungible accessories to their lives, as forces of good or evil, as one-dimensional, virgins/whores, etc has been done to death, for fucking ever. the author's reference to hemingway and other Important Writers, all of whom are white dudes (always!) is just another tell. you act as though this guy just sat down to write some totally abstract internets piece and flipped a coin and said “oh yeah, i guess i'll write from the perspective of a Nice Guy jilted by a Comlicated Woman because the penny came up tails.”

women, “literate” or otherwise are sick and tired of being reduced to stereotypical supporting cast roles in the Very Important Lives of Dudes, everywhere and that really is the problem.

Wow… what a tool.

Viskimberly is clearly a reader.

I think you mean vacant and ephemeral, not “ethereal.”

-girl who reads

Wow. You must be a spectacularly boring person, Charles Wank.

learn contentment and you will find happiness….you will not even bother what a person can do or not….

learn contentment and you will find happiness….you will not even bother what a person can do or not….

I wish an illiterate woman could read this. The discussion would be less one sided then, and maybe, less offensive to them.

If you read it in a sarcastic tone, it's pretty funny. Lighten up people!

Most men are weak and disappointing. It does convey this effectively. The writing is one that has not matured. Seems like a young writer.

I think what's misogynist about it is that the author feels it's OK for him to define classes of women (those who read, those who don't) and makes a lot of assertions about how they feel, think, live, expect… I don't think he understands much about women or people. Hence seemed to me to be a young person, and not one I like much.

I found this to be beautiful. Compelling, challenging. Right all the while completely wrong. Written very well, and definitely thought provoking, proven by the differences in the comments. Loved it.

This is brilliantly depressing.

Either word could make sense and personally, I feel like ethereal fits better.

Thank you, you are so right

Satirical. ;-)

But somehow, how many women are illiterate nowadays? Can we ratio this with illiterate men?

I'm not sure if this has been said already as I have not read every single comment here. But as the piece slowly gained momentum, I was beginning to suspect that the author may have had his heart broken by a girl who read, by a girl who expected these things and who made him feel intellectually inferior. Or maybe even expected a life that he didn't. Hell, actually, all of these don't matter. What mattered was that his heart was broken. Broken and torn apart and stomped on. That can be the only reason why he hates with a passion. Seen from that perspective, this may be then offensive to illiterate women. Just a thought… But brilliant and breathtaking writing, here. Wow.

He's obviously being sarcastic about not dating a “girl that reads”
it's almost like a challenge
you're life is more difficult and you have to actually think and actually live when dating a “girl that reads”
but failing is better that the pointless life you would have otherwise

You wish an illiterate woman could read?

“Ethereal” is more appropriate, as used in the 2nd sense defined at m-w.com, instead of the suggested “ephemeral” in either of the two senses defined at m-w.com. (No, this isn't a plug, just a quick reference to a hopefully still respectable dictionary made available on the 'Net)

Big Metaphor.

yeah i agree. words spoken by a bitter guy

My illiterate cousins? Trust me. You don't want to date them.

http://www.facebook.com/album….

People, really, this is a satirical piece (you know, like John Swift and his “let's eat babies” essay). It's not meant to be factual, the author is probably not bitter or heartbroken, and you need to know your stuff before you post ignorant comments on a really good piece.

I think this is not necessarily about something as specific as reading, but rather more about differences between people who are simply going through their days and give into the most trivial things in life, and those who actually live their lives. I have recently experienced this scenerio where I had to had to consider if I wanted to continue with my girlfriend who focused on very material things or try and find someone who was as in tune to the world as I thought I was. The question became, could you handle dealing with someone else like you.

All too real.
Love it!

shudder. talentless hack, with some sweet binary essentialist misogyny for good measure.

I wish I could like this more than once.

Awesome dude! Truly awesome

Rubbish. He said a girl who reads, not a girl who reads unrealistic shit.

I believe that was the point. I read this as a challenge to step up and date a girl who reads, delivered with sarcasm.

Hi. This is the internet, not your mobile phone.

PFFFT.

(that's all you get)

how about a girl who does goddamn science. who cares if someone reads hemingway on a regular basis. she's still no contributing anything to society.

not* and of course i mean, “someone who only reads…” . not implying the two are mutually exclusive.

In response to Charles Warnke. I told you to expect it.

Never date a guy who is broke. Meet him at the wrong time. Meet him in
beautiful weather, preferably outside. Meet him when you are both
interested in someone else. Add him on Facebook when you see his name
pop up on the side of your page. Let him amaze you with his witty
messages. Flirt. Don’t think about it too much.

Let him accept your request, months later. Talk until the sun comes
out and the birds begin their song. Laugh at his jokes. Let him laugh
at yours. Go into deep discussion about things like Penguins and
Boxes.

Go to New York for the festive month. Let him want you. Go for a
different guy. Come back to your warm state and continue the long
giggly chats. Fall. Fall fast. Initiate a book club. Read Orwell.
Don’t finish the last chapter where she gets eaten alive by rats.

Go to New York in the bitter winter. Find out that he is at a lounge
which serves tea. Go. Make long and intense eye contact. Look away.
It’s raining. Walk outside to fetch the car. Let him walk with you.
Talk about the book.

Lead him into a room. Serve him fancy shaped ice cubes. Tell him he
smells good. Fall. Embrace the silence. The dammed beautiful silence.
Let him help you prepare for an interview. Let him teach you Chapter
23. Thank him. Laugh with him when the interviewer was a complete nut.

Let him take you out for a coffee. Talk. Smile. Let him gaze into the
depths of your soul. Let him fall. Let him wince in pain from “food
poisoning.” Let him put his arm around you. Let him hold your hand.
Let him make historical dates and facts about the churches and
buildings you pass. Laugh at him. Admire him.
When you get home and he doesn’t call or text, be hurt. Be hurt for
the very first time. Want him. When you see a virtual note, describing
all he feels in riddles and puns, know it’s about you. Smile. Continue
talking, continue falling.

Go over seas with your family. Realize you miss talking to
him. He misses you.

Make plans to be in his state for the summer. Let him take you
“somewhere special” the first night you get there. Let him hold your
hand. Walk around lost for an hour. Ask random strangers for useless
directions. Stumble to that special place. Breathe. Sit. Talk. Fall.
Let it rain. Let your hair frizz. Let your fucking makeup drip. You
look beautiful. Beautifully in love. Let him lead you to shelter. Let
him nervously kiss you for the first time at the top of the court’s
steps. Laugh. Continue conversation. Then kiss him back. Fall.

Visit the museum at night. Fall asleep on each other on the eastern
staircase. Let him tell you he loves you in a tired and confused
state. Perk up. Ask him to repeat it. He won’t. Pretend you never
heard it. Lead him back to your closet of a room. Peek into a
forbidden hole. Laugh. Let him cover your mouth from laughing so you
won’t wake them up. Lay your head on his chest. Listen to his
heartbeat. Let him wrap his arms around you. Fall asleep. Wake up the
next morning. Quickly get dressed. Kiss him goodbye . Run down the
stairs. Be late for work.

Get into stupid fights because he wants to eat his cake and have it
too. Ask for closure.

Invite him over for soup. Watch him eat. Plan to watch a movie. Get
into bed. Start watching. Watch him answer his phone. Watch him leave.
Let him go.

While he’s walking you home, spontaneously take his hand and walk down
the subway’s steps. Even if it’s 3am. Take the train. Go anywhere. Let
him lean against a car on Friday night and tell you why you are being
crazy. He will tell you that he does not want to be in a relationship.
Walk away, upset. Let him follow you. Make up. Let him kiss you.

Get into more arguments about closure. Stop fighting, cause you’ll never win.

Let him sail off into the blue horizon. Miss him. Realize. Speculate.

Come back into New York for a few days before embarking on a 4 month
journey. Meet him at the park. Sit on a bench. Talk. Laugh. Smile.
Cry. Lean against the President Street bridge. Let the S train pass
from under you. Receive your first “get a room!” comment. Fall.

Meet him at a sketchy party in the outskirts of the city. Let him snub
off the frenchie that is trying to take you home. Smile. Dance. Meet
him outside. Let him kiss you under the church’s awning. Let him take
your breath away. Let him tell you that you are his world. Believe
him.

Let him give you moldy flowers. Let your heart melt. Let him put a
necklace around your neck. Tell him you love him. Let him kiss you one
last time. Bid adieu.

Go to Israel. Miss him. Arrange skype dates. Talk on the phone for
hours, like there is not 439898 miles between you. Let him tell you he
loves you for the first time.

Come home because you miss him too much. Date him. Accept his 9-12
months proposal. One year. January.

Send your Arab driver to pick him up from Miami. Knock at the door and
let your clothes come off before he even says hello. Breathe him in.
Lay in bed. Let him admire. Go for walks on the boardwalk. Make sure
you stop at the Hilton to use the bathroom. Promise that next time we
will bring bathing suits for we are going swimming in the hotel pool.

Drive to Deleon springs. Buy lotto tickets on the way. Tell him you
know you will break up in a year. Watch him wiggle in discomfort in
his seat. Lay on a white sheet under the canopy trees. Eat
strawberries. Love. Walk into an antique shop. Laugh. Suggest Cohens.
Sit at the table closest to the door. Order a hamburger. Stop eating
one bite through because he will not stop staring. Smile. Say “What?”
Let him tell you that he could get used to this. Believe him. Fall.

Take the shuttle with him to the airport. Write letters to each other
before you part. Hold onto him and cry. Cry until there are no tears
left.

Be inseparable. Write. Talk. Laugh. Smile. Skype. Message. Be best friends.

Go to New York. Link arms while walking into OT. Let everyone gawk at
you. You beautiful couple. Let him take you upstairs. Look at the
picture of him as a boy. Kiss him. Go to South street sea port. Hook
up in the Express dressing room. Try on tacky lingerie for him. Let
him take you to an organic cupcake joint. Lick frosting off his mouth.
Laugh. Love. Nervously meet his brother and sister in law. Breathe.
Eat terra chips. Smile. Let them like you.

Introduce him to your parents. Smile when you see them all together.
Let him play with your nieces and talk to your sister and her husband.
Be happy. Think you could so get used to it.

Run your hands through his hair. Let him convince you. Do it. Use candy if it’s bad. See him enjoy. Sin.

Let him see your weaknesses. Cry when things get heavy with mum. Cry
to him. Leave your mark on his white shirt. The shirt you bought him.

Stumble into photo booths every time you see one. Keep them all over
your room as little reminders.

Bring up marriage. Hear him tell you that he is still not ready and
needs time. Tell him you need to be with him. Cry when he doesn’t
understand. Tell him you need to wake up to him. Cry again. Feel your
heart break when he doesn’t budge.

Go to Australia. Hope things will get better. Watch as they get worse.
Try to be happy. Try not to miss him. Be nice. Understand he still
won’t be ready. Feel like shit. Slip away. Let him slip away

Date a guy who will keep you waiting. Date a guy who you love more
than you love anything. Date a guy who can’t drive. But never date a
guy who is broke. Because he knows that less money means more
struggling. And God forbid should one struggle. He will blame
everything on the fact that he is not financially able. He will loose
faith. He will loose you. He lost you.

Cry to him one last time. See how he watches you, unmoved. Unaffected.
Watch him as his smug shoulders shrug, watch him as doesn’t care. Let
him go. Don’t think too much about it.

Don’t think too much about him.

Let him go.

A girl “who reads”, truly reads, would know that life is so much more than the limited prejudices and elitist generalizations of an educated minority. She would also be thoughtful, and thoughtful people are usually kind.

The writer is judgmental. and unkind. Obviously, he prizes intellectual gifts, although probably doesn't really understand them?

I doubt a girl “who reads” would find that appealing. She would see through the “vacous sophistry” of this piece. Its obvious the guy is full of himself and pompous, very happy with his “ability to read”.

It wouldn't be that difficult to move on.

Does “He will loose you” mean you were once tight?

boo

Well written. Relevant and poetic. However speaking from the flip side of the coin, as a generation of males raised in single mother or piece of shit father homes (who understand a feminne perspective)…There are many women who make good practice of choosing men for the same reason as this writing suggests. Be it adhering to societal norms or not having the courage or will to be with passionate, articulate and sincere men. They would rather have fuck-bots with large bank accounts, gelled hair, and vacant smiles…(not all. but many)

…Keep reading his incredibly long imitation piece even though everyone else stopped…

Agree. He should try dating a woman rather than a girl, that would really do his head in!

The author sounds to me like a precocious 17 year old. Little life experience, little depth, yet large sense of superiority.

No, what the author is saying is that the women who read are the ones who know what they deserve in life and won't settle for less or mediocracy as opposed to the illiterate, convenient girls.

Just because a woman or man can't read or doesn't like to read does not make them stupid and/or emotionless.

I think it is most important for a person to have thoughts of their own, rather than just reading what other people believe and forming their thoughts around that.

Book smarts are definitely not as important as street smarts in my opinion and some of the “smartest” people I know are also the dumbest because they have no social grace. Also, much like the way the writer comes across here, they often think far too highly of themselves.

sI'm usually the first person to scream “misogyny” but I simply don't see it. Maybe it's because I actually understand the point of this piece, whereas half the commenters don't. But anyway, the point has little to do with women or females; dating women is just a device for conveying his point. And his point is that literacy expands one's mind and sense of wonder for the world.

i agree. this one is funny. however, many readers here failed to see the sarcasm behind the article. reverse psychology didn't ring a bell.

She must have been a very articulate beyotch that made you write that lol

I read. Don't date me. Seriously. Every bit is true.

A beautiful piece of work, and it's sad to see by the comments how very few people comprehend what is actually being communicated here.

i agree, it is a beautiful and rather clever piece of work. maybe people should read further into this?

Entertaining, but it must have been some sort of girl who broke up with you!

What about a girl who is actually blind?

Thank you, someone with sense

I know it's harder to convey using text, but damn, lot's of people don't understand sarcasm at all

You obviously are not a girl who can read, Sheela, because you totally missed the point.

That's the point. Without the high-brow diction, the piece wouldn't work. It's about how a guy with this level of eduction (studies have shown that we judge the intelligence of strangers by their vocabulary) obviously could never be satisfied by a girl who can't read, and admits as much. Yet that is still better than choosing the alternative. Purgatory vs. hell. His bombast and self importance is what makes it good. It sets up the contrast, without which the piece would simply not work.

I never thought it would be easy to find girls who couldn't read…until I read the comments.

“i must have missed the ceremony at which you were appointed thoughcatalog policeman”

Kind of hilarious saying that to me, and then suggesting I should “back the fuck off”. You see the irony there? How about you back the fuck off with telling people what to do, yeah?

Boohoo! Someone doesn't agree with me or others, he needs to back the fuck off. Grow up, moron.

Illiterate women are still humans actually. I think what you're actually looking for is a fleshlight.

Don't shoot him Valarie.

You are likely a misandrist.

Please write a book and I will read it.

LOL WHAT.

What a beautiful heartbreak! Really well written.

I liked this piece very much and enjoyed how embraced the flaws in all of us, and the way that stirred up discussion both overly cogent and passionately unreadable, because both those attitudes are as beautiful as the other.

I'd rather read Lorrie Moore's “How to Become a Writer,” which doesn't try to pretend it's not a cliché by treating clichés in the second degree.

http://www.ninetymeetingsinnin…

You are obviously reading into this a little too much.

I think anybody who is a voracious reader would know what you are talking about. Thank you, Charles, for giving women like me hope! :)

This is beautiful, you are flawless. Write novels and they will be loved.

This is actually a response to this bit of writing http://themonicabird.com/post/… which I only stumbled on last night. This morning I find this. Ah, serendipity.

This is an exceptional piece of writing! There are numerous critical comments here that I find to be ridiculous. It is understandable for a person to not care for a work, as not everything can be your cup of tea, but some negative comments here seem way out of touch.

One of the beautiful devices in this work is based on the tendency of human beings to always be less than satisfied with their life, and the more one acquires, the less likely they are to be satisfied. Conversely, the bliss of ignorance is shown to provide an interesting contrast.

Another beautiful and creative device is the description of numerous story-writing techniques and grammar terms as crafty metaphor. Whatever our angle of expertise acquired skill is in life, be it literature or some other endeavor, we use our past experience to bludgeon the present moment. Instead of gentle acceptance, we move to judgment. We have a tendency to use our knowledge as a weapon not only to hurt those around us, but unwittingly, ourselves.

You are a talented writer sir, and I look forward to reading everything else you create.

I agree entirely with your second paragraph. The whole work can be summed up with his line “Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell” where mediocrity is compared to ambition and failure.

It gives me hope that some people realize that this is not necessarily a life experience nor just pure spite, but rather a truly amazing literary work.

Thank you for sharing! :)

Good satire isn't taken to be true. It bridges the line closely, but always decisively ending up as something identifiable as satire. This isn't the case.

You obviously are a pretentious pseudo-intellectual, because someone who didn't miss the point would understand that the quality and message of this piece are–at best–open to debate.

I am in complete agreement, Jason. I envision a petulant little boy, scorned by the first taste of unrequited “love.”

then marry one! jerk!

You really hate a reader huh? It's as if the context was written out of your bitterness. I don't think loving a Girl reads is hateful one. Besides, a girl who reads has lots of imagination which can be applied in everyday life which can also benefit the people around her. We can only live once and date a girl who reads who will make your life happier and exciting. :D

Well matched by: http://themonicabird.com/post/…

(*Snorts!*)

That poorly written tripe? Really?

“You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.”

a girl who is blind can still read

I think the entire piece was intended to be ironic, though. He's saying it's stupid NOT to date a girl who reads because she'll help you become a better person.

Don't date a guy who reads either. For the same reasons. I would take someone with a life well lived over someone who lives his life out through characters anyday. I do read, by the way.

beautiful. impressive. good work.

The “Date a girl who reads” was linked to me out of context, and for some reason it really rubbed me the wrong way. I just found out it's a REBUTTAL to this piece! DOES SHE UNDERSTAND SATIRE?! I'M EVEN USING ALL CAPS FOR EMPHASIS! I understand if it was a standalone piece from someone who loves reading, but if the “Date a girl who reads” piece was meant as a serious non-satirical rebuttal, then I would like to point out the AWESOME irony that the author of a piece on the importance of being “well read” failed to understand the original article's underlying message.

I stand corrected – the blog I saw incorrectly mentioned that the “Date a girl who reads” link was a response to this piece. It turns out that it was just a journal piece originally intended for friends “http://themonicabird.com/post/…“

That doesn't change the fact that the “Date a girl who reads” entry still rubbed me the wrong way.

It is a response to this piece. Evidence: http://littlemissdorkette.tumb…

You can tell by the fact that she parrots/copies/plagiarizes in a number of places.

Blogs started shafting Charles by taking out the reference.

I liked them both. And I read :)

That's exactly how I felt after reading “Date a girl that reads”, the satire was not understood at all.

favorite line:

“You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. “

beautiful piece.

I don't see why everyone is so adamant that this is sarcastic or satirical, I dated a girl who read once who seemed to be living in a period novel where I was being compared to a certain Mr. Darcy, and was subsequently left rather abruptly when I couldn't live up to her expectations, being but a humble scientist. I agree entirely with the final few sentences, some things are better left as a fantasy.

Hahahaha the exact same thing happened to me. It's impossible to live up to Darcy's charm apparently.

TLDR

gahahahaha!! :D

In response to Charles Warnke.
You should date an immature guy. You can find them in every size, shape, colour, and age anyway. Don't even be surprised if your immature guy is in his 30's and you are his lesser in age by a half a decade or more. Age is no real determining factor for the man plagued with unprecedented, eternal immaturity. You can find them in all sorts of places. At blockbuster, on his bike, at the corner store buying a bag of chips, or by the lake, mindlessly skipping rocks in to the water. But chances are you'll probably meet him at a pub, when you're already drunk and willing to cut him just enough slack for being so inept (only because it makes for a better excuse later down the road when you find yourself sitting completely shell-shocked at the realization that you’ve been grueling over a child trapped in the heavy guise of a man, or even worse, bewildered over the fact that you always knew this but chose to live in denial).

To date him, you won't have to worry about finding him; because he'll find you. So just sit around looking pretty, playfully sipping your martini with your girlfriends until you catch the sharp glare of his vacant, shark-like eyes lingering on the sight of your bosom from across the room. As he approaches notice how his stare moves in a perfunctory fashion towards the space between your eyes, in an attempt to grab your attention, since, the immature guy will never really look you in the eye. A simple gesture such as eye contact is beyond the scope of his interaction. Or perhaps, somehow, deep beneath all of his boyishness is a soul who knows it’s terminally condemned to a lackluster existence just aching to break free of it but in full acknowledgement that it never ever happen. One would hope for the latter, since it might imply even the slightest level of pre-conventional moral reasoning. Either way, it doesn’t change his nature. When he comes over to talk to you, immediately allow your brain to fog over and become absent from any thought, motivation or inspiration. Get used to this state, practice it. This will make you appear mildly interested instead of coming across as a total bitch, when he blurts out his generic pick up line probably related to what type of drink you have or how pretty your earrings look in the light. In those painstaking moments when he first opens his mouth to woo you, there is only one thing you have to remember to survive the conversation without feeling the compelling urge to throw your drink in his face:

Forget all about yourself.

Forget all about your own wants and desires, standards, ideals and pretty pink childhood fantasies about meeting Prince Charming and marrying him in a beautiful field of grass on the most blissfully perfect, sunny day. Give up the dreams of living happily ever after with your one and only soul mate, having a family and passing down mutual wisdom and deep insights to your children as they grow up and you both watch them, hand in hand, as lead they blossom in their own successful lives, following in the footsteps of their parents.

Forget about these things, goddamit, because all of your efforts at this point in the night will need to be siphoned in to stroking his ego. Stroke his ego with the same vigorous efforts that you'd put in to rubbing out a fresh red wine stain on your favorite white satin blouse. When he opens his mouth to speak, bend in a little closer and flash your cleavage as he begins to tell you about every single fucking high school sport he used to be play. Make eye contact and bat your lashes while he explains, in his best possible diction, why he ended up studying some random subject in University because he has no real intellectual interests and doesn't actually know what he wants to do with his life. Touch his arm lightly when he mentions his mother and how terribly close he is to her. Giggle and make a comment about how cute that is. *Take note about how you feel when he says this one particular statement.* Keep stroking. Allow him your number and the very next day when he calls to ask you out for dinner, agree, and repeat the aforementioned. This time, keep stroking well in to the night, until he's all stroked out, and falls asleep in your arms. Cook him delicious meals and eventually this guy will realized you've satisfied his every need; to be praised for his mediocre sense of humor and wit, pleasured, coddled and fed. At this point he'll think of you as the golden girl of his dreams.

I use the seemingly contradictory terms “immature” and “man” together because the “immature man” is in a constant, dichotomous internal struggle to balance his highly elevated testosterone levels with his incompetent inability to put it to any good use. He assumes getting a girlfriend/wife to sport around on his arm and make his parents proud is all that he needs to exert his manliness. You’ll eventually find this man vying for all of your quality time and consuming it with his own dilapidation. Prepare yourself for countless upon countless of hours of mindless TV watching and sports commentary. Don’t expect to engage in any meaningful conversations during commercials about how much of a rip off it all is or how much of a waste of time it is that you’ve spent watching TV. In fact, don’t be surprised if you never engage in any meaningful conversations at all and eventually find yourself forgetting what it even feels like to mindfully connect with another person, as you’re consciousness slowly freezes over and your heart grows numb.

Never mind any of those depressing things because you’ll have absolutely no time to wallow in self-pity. While he is busy playing his video games, or going to the gym, or doing chin ups in the doorway, you’ll find yourself running around like Martha Stewart trying to make your lives normal and livable, tend to the house, work a 9-5 job, consuming your thoughts and energy with what you two will eat for dinner that night, and then trudging, your sore, tired feet to the grocery store after work every other day after printing out recipes at the office. In your lamentable state, your memory will sudden flash back to the painstaking moment when he first told you how close he was to his mother. It will suddenly all make sense to you that the feeling you had when he disclosed that information wasn’t your heart fluttering by the thought of how cute that is and how much you’d fallen for him. It was actually a tiny, little red flag flapping violently within you, like a pirate’s flag amass a large ship coursing through a treacherous hurricane in the high seas. This is when you realize that the immature man only became a man long enough to secure you in his life as a symbol of maturity to replace his mother thereby making him appear less “immature” in his superficial, highly egotistical macho mentality. So don’t pine over the fact that you’ll find yourself having to pull all of the weight in the relationship, manning both the duties of grocery shopping, cooking to feed his large wolf-like appetite (as he insists his work-out regiment absolutely most imperatively NEEDS to contains X amount of protein), cleaning the bathroom because he pays no attention to detail, and setting up every household account since he has absolutely zero concept of responsibility or taxes for that matter. Be prepared to be the only one planning all of your social events, anniversaries, and host dinner parties in which YOU are the one left sweating your ass off in the kitchen while he kicks back on the couch with a beer and gleams at you from the corner of his eye when his best friend is watching as if to show you off the whole world. Assign him a few foolproof tasks like taking out the garbage and calling the television company when the cable signal goes out so he feels like a man (I never said to stop stroking) to avoid unnecessary domestic disputes. Spend ridiculous amounts of hours in the same room never picking each others brains, never challenging his point of view, or contemplating the meaning of life. Don’t be surprised if you’ve become more familiar with which teams made the playoffs and which players have been benched because of injuries more so than what’s currently going on in the Middle East.

You will be so wrapped up in this existence that you wont even realize that you’ve lost your soul. It will take you months of being engulfed in obsessive, materialistic activities such as online shopping before you realize that the last thing that made you feel any sort of thrill, devastatingly, was the pair of shoes you found for a good deal on EBay. By this point, you’ll be so far gone you wont even remember what it’s like to feel any sort of genuine, feeling, be it true passion or pain. You wont even realize that the immature guy sucked the light out of you, the inspiration and the creativity, until you, like a transformer, become a stoic, empty, shell of a woman.

Whatever you do, don’t keep tabs, because if you do you’ll realize you have far more points than he does and therefore are being severely taken advantage of. It seems horrible, but it’s easy to do. And don’t worry because life will be ok. You will survive to the end and fulfill basics desires you know, such as fitting in to society, having kids, and dying old with a companion. Everything will be OK as long as you just stop thinking, feeling, and most importantly, stroke away, stroke away…

Stick to dating immature guys and never EVER date a man who has grown up psychologically. A numb, meaningless, soulless waste of a lifetime where you reluctantly are forced to call all the shots, make all the decisions, and maintain a reputably status in society for the both of you with an immature guy is better than dating the man who has grown up. Here’s why. The man who has grown up, in all his rarity, will bulldoze his way in to every area and aspect of your life, both mentally and physically. He will do this because he’s actually aware of the fact that you there are other planes to your existence between the mounds on your chest and the vast space between your eyes. You will no longer be able to live with your current, untouched belief systems because from the moment he comes in to your periphery, he will infiltrate your mental space, stroking your ego and picking your brain, until he’s got a pretty solid idea of all of your own person doctrines, theories, and mantras and has already imposed his own perspective on it. Not only will he have a pretty good ability to figure you out, he’s got himself figured out. He knows what he wants and he’s not afraid to say it. This unique attribute in itself will shock you and leave you speechless. He has no time for television and he knows about what’s going on in sports but he isn’t obsessed with it and furthermore, his gotten over his childhood fantasy of becoming a pro baseball player because he’s actually in tune with his own strengths and abilities and has already accepted the fact that he’s better at crunching numbers than chasing balls. The mature guy has an acute awareness of you’re needs, and of the mutual give and take of a relationship. He’ll surprise you with his acute awareness of balancing responsibilities, effort, and energy spent on love-making.

The man who has grown up will permanently taint your memory of all the other boys you’ve ever dated, younger or older in age, blasting them far off in to outer space never to return to your mind or heart. He will raise the bar well above average, officially casting away a large sum of the rest of the men on this planet by heightening your awareness of their immaturity, their bullshit lines, and stark stares. He may leave you speechless as to what you actually want and desire. Above all else, he’ll consume you with desire. He will open your eyes and change your vision. He will challenge your current beliefs. He’ll listen to you, actually listen to you, and then he’ll have something to say about it. He will open your eyes up to ideas, feelings, and thoughts, you solely believed could never be shared. The way he makes you feel will have you questioning your own sanity. This will drive you insane. He will sear his way in to your mind, memory and heart. I could go on, but hey, I'll just date an immature guy instead.

And so, you will no longer be able to accept the life I described above.

Don’t date the man who has grown up for one simple reason: He will change life and dating as you know it and you’ll never give in to stroking the immature guy’s –anything- ever again. So as Charles Warnke, would say “So out with you girl [guy] who reads [is immature]…I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.”.

*correction* I mean… “So out with you girl [guy] who reads [is MATURE]…I hate you. I really, really, hate you”. Freudian Slip…

I am speechless. That was absolutely beautiful and inspirational. It has put into words…the best way possible… why in spite of all the loneliness women like us wait. Eight rounds of applause is not enough for this phenomenal insight.

I'm one of those girls who reads a lot. Honestly, I do expect more from the men in this world. I can't help but compare them to the devastatingly handsome men in the novels I read. Jane Austen, Nora Roberts, Julie Garwood, and copious amounts of others have shaped my views on men. I'm sorry if I hold the guys to higher standards, but the shortage of gentlemen out in the world is a bit of a problem. I'm thinking guys should read these novels to better understand what goes on in the minds of romance readers. Who knows, maybe you're a Mr. Darcy and you didn't even know it. :)

Hey you, Amanda. This is BRILLIANT. You win. I'm sharing this with everyone I know. Thank you.

Thank you!! I'm honoured

Thank you thank you thank you! I'm glad you liked it! Haha I really just had to let it all out… ;) Keep in faith good lady! There are good ones out there

p.s… here is the page for it on my blog http://amandadookie.wordpress….
Thanks for sharing it, Ladiele.

sorry this it, i'm still learning :) http://amandadookie.wordpress….

Uh illiterate doesn't actually mean full-on like “Never went to elementary school,” he means a girl who doesn't read for leisure or think deeply about life, literature and philosophy. I love this piece. And I read, so suck it.

love this amanda…hope you don't mind me sharing it with ppl…used your blog link :)

not at all :) thank you!

Hey Charles, I think I'm kind of in love with you, like with my Bronte and my Joyce.

Amanda take it to your own tumbler …It's worth it :)

sorry I was too glad didn't see your link below :)

Thanks :)

Charles, I hope me writing this goes to show how much I loved your piece. It makes me feel sooo much better about dating an immature guy ;) Thank you

I still get sad when
I say goodbye to heroes
of stories I loved.

Beautifully, poignantly written. I fear mine pales by comparison! http://IsRexADog.Blogspot.com

Oh my God. This is AMAZING! The emotion was just twisting my heart! I really wish more men could so beautifully express themselves. And then I read the comments… quite depressing, the people that don't understand it (there are so MANY).

The life in Purgatory is the life with the thoughtless dimwit. The life in Hell is the life without the woman who reads because she will not stay with him because she knows she deserves better. His Hell is that he is not good enough for her. He doesn't really hate her, he resents her for being too good for him. It is a deeply romantic piece and there is not an ounce of misogyny in it and I pity you if you cannot see that.

This touched my heart. Beautiful work.

Amazing. I need more of this food for the soul, but I'm afraid to read any other of your pieces for fear that it won't live up to this.

Give “I Have A Few Last Words” a shot. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

great. i dont really read that much, but i dream, write, 'see' very clearly, and am thinking/feeling deeply all the time … so this is hell then? burning hellfire for all eternity for me. great. also, i can't believe this guy is 21. … pretty insightful. life is outrageous.

Sorry bros. It was an okay article. Just wanted some hits.

No matter how much do I read… “You Should Date An Illiterate Girl” left me speechless.
Thank you Charles!

Prettiest thing I've read on the internet in ages. And sadly true.

With Admiration,

A Girl Who Reads

Amanda,

I'm guessing you read, based on how personally and angrily you read this piece. For sure, though, you can't write like Charles can. Maybe you should explore that as the source of your anger.

Good luck,

A Girl Who Reads

You know, kick me for asking, but do you ever read good literature or just generic chick smut novels for '3 at the price of 1' deals? Have you ever opened a book by Palahniuk, Douglas Coupland or Dostoevsky? Or maybe even as crazy as Henry Miller and understood that life is not all pink and fluffy like a unicorn that shits butterflies? I know that Stephen King said that Nora Roberts was an interesting read, but I still believe that he said it after countless sessions of torture.

I am not even going to go into making fun of you for being one of the gazillion girls who has fallen for Mr Darcy… god, I hate myself for even knowing who he is.

I am a girl who reads. But I love my guy for being original, for daring to be himself, whatever he wants to do, steal my books, go mountain biking and coming home smelling so deliciously of wind and being covered in mud, go for a road-trip with me or take me out for dinner. Whatever we do is fun, but at the same time it is challenging. I don't need anything generic, as opposed to you, obviously, a man who pretends to be a puppy dog, a carpet at your feet. Don't you ever notice that it is not REAL? Don't you ever notice that the guy thinks of you as a pain in the ass just to show you off as a sort of an intelligent (and i use this term loosely) trophy? Sweet mother of god, is that your desire in life, to try and strip a guy of his back bone, thinking he has to adhere to any kind of standards? What happened to existentialism? What happened to understanding and having more than 2 braincells? What happened to being an individual?

Let me guess, you also like Edward Cullen? Or is fantasy not your thing?

You know, Jessie, you should rethink your little term 'a girl who reads a lot'. Just to be precise you should add 'smut fiction and doesn't feel ashamed'. Grow up, for god's sake.

What in the world about Jessie B's comment made you write something like this? Your reply is nothing but holier-than-thou judgment based on conjectures and assumptions you aren't possibly well-informed enough to make. It was mean, nasty, and completely unnecessary. In fact, your comment speaks volumes more about your own insecurities and literary deficiencies than Jessie's. Clearly, YOU need to read more because your mind is not wide enough.

charles, i've always been proud of being someone who loves to read, but after reading this, i really need to thank you, because now i feel EXTREMELY proud of being a girl who loves to read all the time…this is absolutely beautiful.

I did a response to date a girl who reads, which was a response to this i think… http://freakishdiary.blogspot….

this was epic.

I agree with Lindsey. That was completly unessesary. To judge someone and make assumptions about them is not the correct way to debate a topic. It sounds like you just needed a place to spout some venom and Jessie was unfortunate enough to be on the recieving end of it. Who cares if she likes Mr. Darcy? I do. I love all books, from the ones that make you think, to the ones that are, in your words “generic chick smut novels.”

Chill out, be nice. You're obvioulsy the one that has growing up to do. You sound like a well articulated 5th grader.

Hm. I didn't like this at first. I was quite angry actually haha. But by the end I understood what he was saying. And Charles, don't worry, im sure there are women out there that are in the middle. Ones where you can have an exciting life and not feel not good enough. I consider myself “the girl who reads” but I also have realistic expectations of life. The perfect people and timely resolutions in books are a way escape the realities of life, not a how-to guide. Hopefully you find that person who is that balance for you :)

Make an imitation piece about the broke guy's plight and fail to really elaborate on it. Focus more on mushy physically intimate moments with no real substance. Reference 1984 but screw up the details of the climax. Talk. In. Annoying. Single. Word. Sentences. Without. Impact. Lose yourself in trivial details and the reader will likely get lost too, wondering if you had a point to make. Forget what your point was. Come back to it and realize that the meaty parts of your soliloquy really only amount to two paragraphs. Realize you should probably learn to write to communicate since you only know how write self-indulgently.

I'm also a girl who reads.
The same amount of desire we have for a man who meets the expectations of males that we read about, we have the same amount of desire for a man who has flaws. Because these flaws, although not mentioned in many books, are what assure us you are human as we are. After a while, perfection gets tiresome and we want someone who has things in their life they need to work on.

Looks like this post has inspired quite a few others. Really I would probably feel a little insulted if the post didn't make me laugh and cry as it has. You wrote this beautifully and with such tenderness. I was hoping that you would post more frequently on the blog, but haven't seen any recent posts from you apart from one from a few weeks ago. Hope you post more often. Thanks for this wonderful piece. :)

Oh fuck you. Read something worth a shit. Until then, you're not a girl who reads. Romance novels don't count.

Oh dear. Who ever wrote that needs to get out more. That was not only a drone to read but also utterly boring and contrived. One of the best of the worst that i've read in a long time.

Well, remove the girl from this story, and it paints a view of life that most of us lead. Felt a small lump in my throat. :(

I really enjoyed this story and found it to be deeply affecting. The only thing that has been able to detract from it has been the almost overwhelming tide of commentary (to which I am further contributing, and with shame). I do not personally relate to the narrator of this story, nor to the literary girl to whom it is dedicated. But I do relate the story's central theme. I think that there isn't really much to interpret here, the writing is clear and the tone focused. The reader should leave this story touched by the heartbreak of the narrator and the sensitive, intuitive understanding he comes to regarding “literary” personality types, “the” girl who reads literature. Reduced to its bare bones, this is a story about the bitter disappointments and failures encountered in a romance between two intelligent and imaginative people, in which he doesn't meet her expectations: expectations that are probably too idealistic and abstract, but also distinctly beautiful (perhaps even what most attracted him to her). The descriptive accuracy of the literary girl's tendencies in the later paragraphs describes some of my own. In some regards. There is a tragic element to it all. It's risky business to let yourself fall in love with a man who you've never dreamt of, but that might be close enough. And the odds improve if he “gets” you. But the experience of this story shows that, even then, there's no guarantee.

I am actually quite angry and I resent your accusations that girls who read create those type of fantasy's. This was downright rude, and I really don't like you either.

With hatred,
Yet again another girl who reads

I know you, boy-who-writes.

At least, I knew you once. I know what you could have become, what you didn't become, because you thought you couldn't. You won't talk to me anymore.

At first I thought it was because you were happy. I'm sure she beams with pride at her brilliant boyfriend who just quoted Emerson, where I would have chided you for the common misattribution of Bessie Anderson Stanley's poem. Actually, I suppose she does make you happy, and proud, and perhaps five other pedestrian emotions we've known about since we were eight years old. But you know the difference, and you can't escape the shackles of what you know. You know that you're not just bored. You want to describe it that way, in these flat dimensionless terms that mimic the life you've led, but you know the difference between boredom and vacant, ethereal melancholy.

You never understood, did you, that whenever I exposed your vacuous sophistry, looked it up-and-down with my left eyebrow raised and not even bothering to turn my head, that I never had one of my storybook heroes in mind. All I saw was you, you the writer, you the man with the capacity to hoard words, letting them tumble together, polishing each other, until you could reach for them blindly and pull out the mot juste. I'm sure it's vacantly comforting to insist that I made you want to be everything you weren't, but of course, you know better. I only showed you everything you already wanted to be, everything you would inevitably become, if only you stopped being so goddamned lazy. I didn't bother to hide those poignant looks when you fell short, but I know my eyes danced with delight and congratulations when I saw glimpses of that man, the writer, the adventurer, the scientist-artist-architect. I mourn for him now, whenever I think of you, you with the two-bedroom apartment, you with the lamps that match the coffee table. You've forgotten that he's there, dormant in your bones, mollified by her dulcet lullabies. I know he haunts you still, but don't you dare blame him on me.

What else could I have done, when you turned your back on us? What could I have done but let the tears fall and turn the page? I do insist that my narratives are rich, my supporting cast colorful, and my typeface bold. If that makes me a quince-apple ripening on a top branch, it's no cause for lament. I'm in good company up here, and the view is lovely. Not everyone is afraid of heights.

This man wrote to share his pain. As a cathartic. To be free from his romantic agony. Yet, YOU replied specifically to spite men like him. Cold enough to neutralize global warming, that's for sure.

It seems like so many people who have commented just misunderstood/misinterpreted/missed the point of this piece.
Have linked to it on my blog and hope it directs new readers over.

Love.

does reading music count?

This comment goes to show how much you really understood of his piece..

devoting all that time to write the response.

Clearly you don't read enough, or else you would have understood the irony. Congratulations on proving yourself to be oblivious to subtle contextual cues.

Sincerely,
A Girl Who Reads Much More Than You Do.

post on a site where you have to be a member of something to comment and you wont get loads of stupid responses, stupid follow-up rebuttals, stupid mindless praise, or the delinquent attention you so pitifully crave.

i taste the salt which stings the wound.
it is bitter – bitter,
but i like it because it is bitter and because it is my
salt.

And sometimes the girl who reads goes on to date another nice guy who is simply more mature than you are. And then you prove it by whining about girls who read and post links to it on your twitter, fb, etc Time to put on your big boy pants and move on. The longer your wallow in 'what could have been', the more time you waste in your head instead of in life.

pretentious much? read the story again kayte. Your missing the point.

Nope Grizz, not missing the point at all. My comment was not for the author. And definitely not for you. But thank you for playing. Pretentious much?

Then your comment, kayte, was useless at best and boring at worst. Take your bitterness elsewhere.

This is remarkable, I have in no way the experience in life to fully understand and relate to this, but as a guy, I couldn't agree more. 'You, who make my life so god damned difficult' considering what this like says, I detect little remorse in the way it's written, yes he was hurt by a girl who reads, but he just can't bring himself to hate her.
This is about choosing a life that's hard, but has a chance of real happiness, or an easy life where you won't get too badly hurt. And despite what the words say, my heart reads it as though he has no regrets and would do it all again for it's only with the possibility of real sadness, can you find real happiness.
I think this is brilliantly written, I write a bit, but this is so inspiring and and thoughtful and honest, when you read between the lines. I can't hope to write on this level, so many big words, but, somehow, it still inspires me to pick up my pen and note book and write about a girl who make my life so 'god damned difficult'.

For all those “girls who read” and are posting responses in offense, use your self proclaimed critical eyes and read between the lines. You are misinterpreting the piece, and it's a real shame.

What a lovely sentiment.
I echo it in entirety.

I make it a point to go for the sidekick.

this was nothing short of brilliant. what a great job.
i loved it!

I'll just go ahead and be classy… Fuck you Kayte.

I didn't take it as a rebuttal, it was just written by someone who didn't understood the full intent of You Should Date An Illiterate Girl. I think that the person who wrote that had the sole purpose of showing that girls who read aren't the intimidating people that they are presented in this piece and in fact these two mesh well together. The guy got hurt by a girl who reads etc2 but then here comes a girl who says she's not really that bad. Simple as that.

Ha ha. Not bitter in the least. I'll take my comments wherever I like, just as you do. Have a fabulous day.

I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Sorry, Fruity– I got your panties all in a wad.

Salt isn't bitter. Its salty.

Interesting…hearing the responses to this
Though written with irony and subtle twist
How missing the point are those who read
And react with venomous words

I've read both responses and while the beginning of this made me lean back and go: “excuse me?” I read it again and realized that it is meant to be read between the lines. Although, I do enjoy 'Date a girl who reads' better (I'm guessing, mostly because I AM too, a fellow girl who reads, and writes) and feel the urge to comment and say something because it seems like from the comments I've read people think that the 'girl who reads' and the 'illiterate girl' only fall into two categories: The girl who reads is harder to deal with because she challenges you, because she is equally creative/imaginative/intelligent and what not and you risk breaking your heart further if something goes wrong. The illiterate girl is easy, you don't have much regrets and you loose far more if things fall apart with her. And from what I've read in the comments, most people think that the girl who reads is a bitch because she has a opinion and expresses it. But honestly: when has life ever been easy? When has it ever been easy to get what you want? To be with that person you love? The people we work hard to be with, in the end, are worth it. I'm a girl who reads, and sure, I have some idealistic fantasies about my perfect guy, but I also know that he has to have flaws. Because I have flaws too. And if I can't accept a guy who has flaws, or that doesn't live up entirely to my hopes, then how am I to expect any great guy to accept me and my own flaws? It's a two way street, and some people don't realize it. We aren't perfect. We are people and the best we can do is accept what our partner is. Whether she is a girl who reads or not. Because both are worth something to someone–beauty is in the eve of the beholder.

I don't know, I just wanted to make a comment about this entry, being a girl 'who reads' but not being all negative about it. I guess this is mostly to the harsh, or mean comments that either criticize the author or criticize the comments that are angry with the author. But then again, what do I know? I'm just a girl who reads and writes.

*oops, I mean “eye” not eve.

i have a feeling that this guy wrote this article to get THE HOT GIRLS WHO DONT READ. rofl!!

I see it as an ode to the girls who read (: from a guy who cannot help but love them, though they bring him frustration and distress most of the time.

*fantasies

wow… you're amazing

Well, i'm not sure why she wrote it but I personally wrote my own version of “Date a girl who reads”. Definitely not meant to be a rebuttal but just to show how a girl who reads should be treated like. Also no offence to her, through her style of writing, she doesn't exactly seem like a girl who reads

Brilliantly said :). I often wonder how these “smart” people live their lives in the future. A life of impracticality with more often than not, no proper income. These idealistic dreams of attaining a life worth being storied should only be available for those rich arses who can go to lib arts colleges, so as to avoid letting “smart” people live a tragic, blighted life.

oh i have actually. It was a sort of an experiment, i had printed the piece out and my desk partner, a completely illiterate girl, asked to read it. It was a sort of gamble but I eventually gave it to her. She missed the entire point of the piece, saying that the author is a male chauvinistic pig (not these exact words). But she clearly enjoyed reading it nonetheless

I remember telling my husband when we first met to be careful…I was a girl who read books.

He doesn't read and I don't think he ever will.

To the doubters…there is a vast difference between those who read and those who don't. My husband can utter a sentence and in the blink of an eye ' I can construe 20 different sentences to continue that thought. That word. That feeling.

Yet we work.

You sir, are a comedic genius. Girls (who probably read) are going to be upset, and commenting back and forth. But just so you know, you have the support of every man on the planet…some of them just don't know it yet.

You may be able to read, but your comprehension of this is confusing me. Are you joking…? I can't tell. Isn't this about needing stimulating partners..? Regardless of what you would consider “an illiterate girl”, doesn't it mean you should challenge yourself to find someone that intrigues you? Someone that would keep you interested for life? Lust is lust. Love is life. Right?

Seems the reading vs not reading might as well could have been smart vs not smart. Meet a not smart, but nice girl, marry her, live simple and tradiotonal, skimming the surface. Or meet somone who actually understands you, sees through you, digs deeper but is also more complicated and demands more. Feeling more alive, but also risking ending up in chaos and heartchae.

Hm. Sounds familiar.

Rex loves you, @Kayte. ;-) “You” left him for good in “Life's a Rex! (NOT…)”. He's still howling.

Hm, @LindyLaurel, I wrote a missive to you here: http://t.co/sCTrdng . At least I think it was you, but then I hadn't come across this comment at the time…

Ah yes, the 'girl who reads' voraciously, yet understands nothing, but still trips through life with her head held high by the sheer weight of quantity, not lifted by the lofty air of keen insight.

He writes not of fantasy, my dear, but bittersweet reality — that of what could have been, but was stolen by his own immaturity and happenstance.

He was not writing of you, self-satisfied Miss.

Very good observation.  Being a man who reads and having had intense relationships with 'both,' I will say, both situations are difficult.  My experience with women with large vocabs have been difficult for me because of their propensity to live by those expectations than can or cannot be lived up to in men, while seemingly having difficulty  looking within to find the hero inside-or to find even a likable person.  You have to live up to her expectations while anything goes as far as her ego and behavior is concerned because she 'knows better'.  Well she doesn't, at least not any more than a woman who doesnt read; she's not wiser, she's not more stable, she's not kinder, she's not more intelligent because she is a reader-she has a larger lexicon, she has more anecdotes to refer to, and depending on the amount of kindness or lack, she just has more tools to emotionally repress within and to emotionally punish without whenever she sees fit.  The difficulty of an intense relationship with a woman with a smaller vocab is another story.

Being a man who reads and having had intense relationships with 'both,' I will say, both situations are difficult.  Experience with some women who read can be difficult because of the propensity to look for those expectations than can or cannot be lived up to in others (their male counterpart), while seemingly having difficulty looking within to find the 'hero' inside-or to find even a likable person.  You have to live up to her expectations while anything goes as far as her ego and behavior is concerned because of the other's lack of significance in her life or because she just 'knows better'.  Well she doesn't, at least not any more than a woman who doesnt read; she's not wiser, she's not more stable, she's not kinder, she's not more intelligent because she is a reader.  She has a larger lexicon, she has more anecdotes to refer to, and depending on the amount of kindness or lack, she just has more tools to emotionally repress within and to emotionally punish without whenever she sees fit.  The difficulty of an intense relationship with a woman who doesn't read is another story.
If she is a reader and is kind, honest, wise etc…she would probably end up being a damn great lover.

I also don't see why others interpret it as otherwise! I think, more than anything, this is a  love letter to the girl who reads.

THIS! Is quite a love letter.

I don't think you understood the purpose or composition of his piece. Yours doesn't follow the same structure, either, considering his is two-parts explanation, whereas yours is a singular man-hating diatribe.

Whoops, I didn't see the other paragraphs – disregard the above.

Maybe you should date a deaf girl.

I'm a girl who reads and I absolutely love this!!!

This weblog entry is being featured on Five Star Friday!  http://www.schmutzie.com/fives…

http://tumblr.com/xe51vp4adg

I do have a question – I haven't read enough Hemingway but what is the reference to the next train southbound? Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but the Eng Lit training in me is forcing me to look it up. I know Hemingway incorporates trains into his work, but I'm not sure exactly which reference is being used.

The closest I remember is the train in Hills Like While Elephants, which goes from Barcelona to Madrid, which is a west <-> east route.

Anyone able to scratch this itch with me?

perhaps it's not even a hemingway reference, as he mashes a lot of refs together in that last bit …

No girl should be offended by this. Those who do not read will read it as a thanks to them, and those who do will understand that they are being praised. Those who are offended, are those who claim to read, but never fully understand.

sorry if i write wrong , english not is my native language , but something weird happen me, 2 friends of my here in Bogotá DC send me this paper at the same time to my mail perhaps because or when i started to belive that my deep and different form to see the life makes me to live alone and when all my ex-boyfriends appear to say me o makes me look unacepttable betwin they continuos whit his life

This piece really speaks to me. It tells me of the inadequacies in myself and makes me appreciate the intricacies of a woman who knows better than to succumb to empty dialogue and shrewd quips. There is a certain pain in these words that is both beautiful and torturous. I feel that those who criticize the choice of authors and reference material used fail to recognize that these are the authors who have touched you, writer, alone in your chair pouring yourself into a passage.

These words, though few they are, have reignited my passion for reading and have touched me in a way you cannot imagine. Thank you, Charles. I may never meet you and this may mean little to someone who has received so much praise (and criticism), but i appreciate the flaws and mistakes that brought you to write this. It has truly changed my life and enlivened a consciousness of things once forgotten.

Write more. Forget the critics.

I thank you, sir.

Misogynist. Because you only love someone who won't utterly submit to you, and you fear and hate women who don't submit while having absolutely no respect for those that like you back.

I actually think he's revealing his respect for these women by taking a defensive, indignant, insecure stance. It's actually a purposeful type of rhetoric, a sort of self-deprecating tongue-in-cheek tone that unveils the author's opinion on others who truly feel this way. He doesn't hate girls who read. He hates chicken shits who settle.

And possibly yeah, he might be one of them. So he's grumpy that an enlightened, vibrant personality dares to disrupt his comfort zone. I don't think this is really about misogyny or even specifically gender. I think it's about people being challenged to wake up, be genuine, hurt deeply and live loudly, for whatever portion of a century they're alive on this planet.

But whatever, it's for Chuck to know and us to find out! :)

hahaha it sucks but we all want Mr. Darcy . WE can't help it after we have read it

ha I love reading the lengthy responses with inserted words they looked up on dictionary.com. Its an article people, an opinion it doesnt make anyone dumb or not, it doesnt change your life or anyone elses. Its a good perspective and for those who read it make us feel good and for those who dont the oppossite. Writing is about evoking emotion and look she got a lot of you to act a fool over the internet…go read a book …lol

its a satirical take on bimbos for crying out loud. can't believe most of you dimwits took what the guy said literally.

Charles if
you are really 21 I hate you. You are so talented! This text is just fantastic.

No, DianaDraw, I meant to use “fantasy” as in 'He writes not of things fantastical, but…”  ;-)

You are my most fav writer on TC!!!!! How can any1 write with such intensity!!!!!! Please write more

Ha, that was great!  I like your style. I wanted to keep reading. It also made me want to write. So, good times all around.

oh wow.. this article is one of the few that actually made me feel something, it has also inspired me to write an response to it. or atleast the “girl” version

oh wow.. this article is one of the few that actually made me feel something, it has also inspired me to write an response to it. or atleast the “girl” version

Hats off!

FUCK YOU I MISS MY GIRL

perhaps he may be simply saying to take the next train southbound so as to go in an opposite direction from him?

You, sir, are a genius. I came across this on Tumblr (although it had a different ending). A good amount of those who reblogged it are those who didn’t read it entirely, or simply let their eyes devour the words. They smugly posted it in hopes of subliminally mocking girls who read. Writing like this is what makes reading worthwhile.

That last paragraph is the jewel in this piece.

That last paragraph is the jewel in this piece.

I think girls who read will understand the satire behind this article. I, for one, love it. Great article! 

i think DianaDraw was correcting Doplhinlili’s comment; apparently, even the username seems to have a misspell.

Thanks Lisa!

Actually, no that’s not why I wrote it.

Not sure if this has been pointed out (I’m sure it has) but someone posted this on Tumblr and changed the ending so that it would be more “inspirational” to teenage girls. 

http://mols.tumblr.com/post/7448177940

“it doesnt change your life or anyone elses…and for those who read it make us feel good and for those who dont the oppossite…”
Which is it?

“…he hats chicken shits who settle” and feels sorry for those who never get to a chance at anything else.

It’s the fact that the writer largely takes a utilitarian view of women, which is, by its nature, insulting. Notice that women only *react* to men. And when women aren’t attached to men, it’s because she *objectifes* them, not for normal, healthy complex reasons. Sadly, that is apparently how the author views zimself when ze loses a girl who reads or fails to approach one. Really, that’s part of zer problem. Ze shouldn’t be making any girl his savior if ze wants a healthy relationship. the pedestal thing is equally patronizing, but Ze doesn’t see it…

yeah, she’s not missing the point just b/c she *disagrees* with it.

hey. both of you two are WAY OUT OF LINE. Austen is a classic, and unless you’re willing to admit your definition of a “real” book is one written by a man with a male protagonist, you should suck. it. right. now or get out your irony meter and check the reading.
here’s a hint: you’re standing in it up to your waist.

Ah, indeed, Anonymous.  The dangers of vain self-centeredness!  ;-)

Ah, I love this.

perhaps a point of interest to the general public, a lighter note. i have just turned 15 and as recently as 7mins ago had my very first, genuine LOL experience. did you know that if you type in “i’m sick and tired of being exposed to retards using the internet as a psuedo communication device for self publicity. someone inspire me please. i wont make it otherwise. what’s the point in life if all im ever going to hear about is molly’s hair. fuck this. im jerking myself to jesus.” into google the very first thing that comes up is this article. anyone else think this is a bit of a laugh. 

It’s one of the most well-written pieces I’ve read on the internet in a long time. Brilliant!

as a girl who reads, I think this is gorgeous. And… not insulting? I’m a little confused – are people reading this point-blank? Because, while I wouldn’t go so far as to call the satire heavy-handed it’s pretty wildly obvious. It’s, to me, an ode to the girls that get away, the readers and dreamers that complicate life and love. 

agreed with riddlefish. best comment. 

I love this so much. It’s beautiful. The description of a girl who’s found meaning and the beauty of the world and passion through reading is perfect. Let us be jaded by those stories we read, but also let us learn not to be. Yes, I absolutely insist on living my life passionately, but that’s fine, because I do. I feel sorry for those who don’t. It’s not pretentious to insist on such a beautiful and meaningful life. As girls who read we should know better than to believe in “perfection”- we have our own definition of perfect (at least I do). Life has flaws, even the lives depicted in our favorite stories have flaws. Even fairy tales have dragons. Perfection to me is passion. Yes, it is far more difficult to live a passionate life as opposed to a meaningless and empty life. That’s why I love this so much- it shows the pain of living this beautiful, meaningful life, but it also shows the advantages.  I’m going to stop rambling now, because it’s quite late and this surely doesn’t make any sense and I’m nowhere near as intelligent as some of the other people who’ve commented.

WOW!!! At first the title confused me but I learned not to judge them so I read and I was amazed. I really felt something from reading this. It was so well written and thought out. It was filled with so much pure passion. I especially love the lines “You, who make my life so god damn difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, makes me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told in the beginning of this piece. You will except nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worth being storied.” I like these lines because of the honesty. It was all over and a bit of pain and resentment. Overall, there is a longing, but he just settles for what he knows he can handle. It reminds me of this quote, “Girls are like apples on a tree. The best ones are on the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead the just get the rotten apples from the ground aren’t as good. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”

You’re more bitter about love than I am, and that’s saying something.

This elicited a second, unplanned whiskey for the evening. It hit me right in the heartstrings.

Thanks for driving me to drink, asshole. ;)

This is beautiful.  It made me think.  Well done.

I was looking for this article for the longest time. So many quotables, so many things to relate to, so worth going through some rather wet articles on TC just to find it again. Amazing stuff.

As a a girl who reads, I don’t find this the least bit offensive. I find it to be flattering and lovely. It makes my insides hurt, the good kind of hurt though. 

Not sure if you’ve seen this but I stumbled upon it, just a few days after I stumpled upon this very piece… Did she write this as a rebuttal? Do you know about it?

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books
instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has
too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read,
who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always
have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the
shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds
the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old
book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never
resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the
street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating
on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the
author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who
read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through
the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she
understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound
intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for
Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry,
in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that
you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the
difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to
make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your
fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to
lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue.
It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to
the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to
end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and
again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or
two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read
understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the
Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2
AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and
hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always
come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real,
because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and
bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your
lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will
introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the
same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she
will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your
boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can
give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her
monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better
off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl
who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.” 

Yeap. The one who wrote that has no sense of irony. Didn’t get the point of the writer at all.

God, I hated this pathetic ‘rebuttal’. It’s just studded with cliche all over. Unlike the original one, this is sickeningly predictable. Pfft.

Beeter than original :)

boring, cliched, middle class, and overbearingly white

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-pinter/you-should-date-an-illite_b_920681.html

Even bestsellers want a piece of you Charles.

Eat a dick.

mmmmmmm, dick.

This is definitely missing the conciseness and lyricism that made the original crackle. 

This is definitely missing the conciseness and lyricism that made the original crackle. 

I can come back to this time and time again and fall in love with it all over again. I love it.

Pretentious girl who grossly misunderstands the piece basically just copy-pastes the best parts of Charles’ text to make a half-assed ‘rebuttal’. Lame.

I adore this, and it’s far better than the original.

 Nothing wrong with being white. Would you say the Color Purple is overwhelmingly black?

 Nothing wrong with being white. Would you say the Color Purple is overwhelmingly black?

I use white as a shorthand for self-entitlement and unearned privilege.

This really is very brilliant. Beautiful in a terribly sad sort of way. I am, however, compelled to point out the fact that your last name is amusingly close to the word “wank” and I think this is something that we really cannot go on pretending we haven’t noticed.

I like it.

Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Agreed. What about the women who were never given a chance to read? Recognize your privilege middle-class white dude. I’m so sick of reading literature by white men. When will things change?

Good one Michelle, and Im not being boder-line rascist. Im african american.

Good one Michelle, and Im not being boder-line rascist. Im african american.

This is what I call “completely missing the point” 

This is like a pathetic, diluted version of the original.

Your confusing love and friendship.

I like both this one and the response

things will change when you, yourself, change it, by going to the library and reading all the brilliant literature by people non-white people. Sherman Alexie, Maya Angleou, Langston Hughes, Toni Morrison. oh the list goes on and on. for now stop complaining.

This piece was near perfection. I could watch it unfold before my eyes and I felt cramped in that satisfactory life. I say satisfactory because there wasn’t much wrongdoing. There wasn’t much of anything at all which makes it all the more – I can’t think of the right word. She never fulfilled her capacity to love… 

I have so much to say and not anyway to say it. Some of us do not have the ability to express so as it turns into an art. I just wanted to say it’s one of my favorite short pieces.

It’s not like we don’t live in a heretonormative white society where most everything is catered to white people and the minority is pushed to the side. nope, not at all. 

E for effort tbh.

God the entire thing seems like it was written by a 17 year old neckbeard special snowflake.

A+ mte

A+ mte

Such a well written post.I found another post that is well written.

A girl can’t be good to another girl

http://a-girls-ediary.blogspot.com/2011/10/girl-interviewing-another-girl-hidden.html

I don’t get it, would anyone write a story called “date an illiterate boy”? does the author realise women are usually the most illiterate ones of developing nations, as women’s education isn’t important? i didnt really see the point of this. 

Why do people have to take everything so literally?  You’ve completely missed the point…

I Really Really Don’t Understand This Article.. WHAT DOES THE WRITER MEAN? To be honest The Padma Sutra is simpler than this. I can understand the fact that its a Satire. But on What? Practically your Article will have no value in my country, where girls drop  out on a daily basis, if any of their “Literate” parents read it, then one more girl will choose to sacrifice her life for household chores. But even though from the point of view of a layman, this is just another love story. Boy meets girl, They date, Then have Sex After The First Date, FALL IN LOVE, Get Married, Have Kids, Mid-Life Crisis, Death… Or maybe I’m Lord Voldemort, and I’m not capable of love(i have a nose ;p)…

Love is Delusional if you ask me..

Peace

To the “girls who read”: If you are angry at this piece, you have not read enough.

Wow, another View Through a Westerner’s Myopic Lens. Kind Sir, I’m a woman from a developing nation and  I understand why this is a satire.

amazing

i really like this

OMG, this is so beautiful! as a writer, i am envious of this piece! from hereon, i am a fan of this blog. followed!

no. he hates his ex, who was a “reader.” you must be blind if you can’t read the pain in his words. he truly means it when he says, look for an illiterate girl. it’s not irony, it’s heartbreak speaking.

it isn’t satire mam. it’s a fuck you bitch love letter. read it again, and understand.

you missus, have understood more than most girls here.

hot girls who don’t read will only hate this guy. this piece will arouse the intellectual, not the bimbos. 

he was classy. sorry to disappoint you Kayte.

this is what my wife would say to me

I thought you should know this is amazing and justly has 15,909 likes on Tumblr. See, look: http://mols.tumblr.com/post/7448177940

jarius linson  out date  go up  8;00

OH MY. This happens to be spectacular, and encouraging as I basically live in books :) We scholarly women are flattered.

I somewhat agree with this viewpoint, but I feel that the piece is more about the author’s personal experience and emotions than it is about relationships with women in general. It is a deeply personal narrative, and I feel it deliberately conveys a sense of flawed viewpoint in line with the self-deprecating overtones. I am under the impression that the point is that the author is not good enough for a girl who reads, possibly because ze holds these ideas of them. The girl who reads makes zer life difficult because she demands someone who is her equal, and ze is aware that ze is not yet there. 

Oh Charles! You have no idea how satisfying this confession is!
You dissapointed only once, my friend! You were in every line, you were THE hero, you were ALL heroes and more. Because the best and the most of each story was always outside the book. And all you had to do was to know that and not to give up. Yea, you failed! Glad you did! Another chapter closed, another cliche!
If only hate….No, not even! Sorry!
Nice work! Safer on the other side of the ink? :)

Take care!

Every single time I read this, it gets progressively more beautiful. One of the best pieces I have read. I make it a point to read it at least once a month. I am a lady that reads and this is so perfect and true. 

depressing much =/. Ruined the entire day for me
SOMEONE CLEARLY NEEDS TO SEE ”THE NOTEBOOK” AND GET LAID.

MAYBE THE GUY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO TEACH HER TO READ! lol expanded her mind a bit. let her become the interesting person she probably was inside. This is his own fault really

Read: Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico
It’s a response to this and much more uplifting :)

I love The Notebook…

Read the last paragraph again.
Especially:
“You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not…I will fail you, because you have dreamed…of someone who is better than I am…I hate you.”

He loved a girl who read and is sad because he disappointed her or things didn’t work out.
He wants to be her hero and hates that he wasn’t.

Then you’re a racist jerk.

thanks for proving my point; have a read http://www.amptoons.com/blog/files/mcintosh.html

This is brilliant and, speaking as a girl who reads, probably true. ;)

Unfortunately, you missed the entire significance of the piece.

I’ll give you a hint: you’re receiving quite the opposite response than what you should be.
Read it again. and again if you have to. Keep reading it till you understand what it’s saying.

Aye, unfortunately this… I’m going to assume girl who writes, missed the point of the writer.

She made a critical error, in that almost any writing shared with other people, has more significance than just to themselves, else they’d not share it.

This one lacks the surreal lyricism and interesting wordplay. it lacks the after message, the depth, the intangible gift it imparts in the reader upon finishing the last line.
I read this piece, and I see the surface, the skimmed top of a puddle, nothing else. But I look into the original’s writing, and it’s a deep reservoir of meaning. 

Mind you, it’s a fine piece, but it’s not anywhere near the same caliber. Also, there was never a need for a rebuttal, as requiring a rebuttal would mean the reader missed the point.

There are many, many passageways and secret caverns within the confines of each piece. There are untold secrets, subliminal messages, subtle references, and a certain mysticism to the writing. If you can’t delve yourself into that, and understand that subconscious world of a written piece, you can’t possibly par to the original.

I was so confused until I realized there was a second page to this - the “next” button was under the advertisement so I missed it!   It makes much more sense (and is far more beautiful) when you read the whole piece.  
Also, as a comment to those discussing the problem with this being white or westernized: it is not possible for all writing to speak to (or comment about) everyone and everywhere at once. That should not mean that we do not read or study pieces that do not speak to us directly.  With that argument, should we say that Beloved should not be read by all? Or Montage of a Dream Deferred? Or A Room of One’s Own? Or Ceremony? Because these might be speaking to, for, and about a more particular community of people and not all people from all cultures and all countries and all of the world?  

NO you’re retarded, why would he, it just. NO! Fuking people on the internet just type up shit, that comes out their shitty heads. No concern just letting it oooze all over their computer…fuk. 

Wow!

The same could be written about a bloke who reads. Doh!

Do you not know how horrible this is? Even the devil’s name was Light. Beautiful words that tear down the happiness of those with the capacity to love and a mans capacity to realize that the world turns in a circle and always will and it will never escape its motion and 80 years a modest life with someone who keeps you consistantly happy will be more valuable to you than the struggle for something society wants you to have. our sex is modest but it is true and always will be and no alliteration however mighty shall ever curb what is real for more than a moment. and though you wish not to be the stagnate pond if you have ever looked into one you realize you are no different from it.

Am I the only one that reads this as satirical and just ironic?  

Let’s try a WOMAN who reads. Please don’t belittle my gender by calling us girls.

Sadly, most people who haven’t learned to enjoy reading during their developing stages likely have lost that potential. Sure you may expand her horizons beyond the small town, but if you take her to another country, she is likely to get scared and run home. Plus, you should never get into a relationship hoping to change someone. Always love a person for who they are. <3

Don’t see the movie when you can read the book…

Yes, yes they would-http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-pinter/you-should-date-an-illite_b_920681.html it’s a response to this article. 

^ What the fuck?

Best piece of prose I have encountered on the internet by miles. PLEASE honor the world with a book, Charles Warnke.

Seriously.
What.

That’s where I thought this piece was going…

Dear Thought Catalog, 

This is the best thing I’ve ever read/connected with that’s been published on this site. 

Sincerely, 

A girl who reads. Le sigh. 

[But being perspicacious is not always so tragic, if you let things rock... Just saying.]

Wonderful piece. I now hate you, because you are that good.
Damn your observant eyes…may you piss people off forever with the quality of your work!

   
     You can write the same thing about a guy who likes math. You’re sad because the girl who reads constantly compares you to the seemingly perfect characters in the novels. Same could be applied to a guy who likes math. He wants everything to work out perfectly just like his numbers, and always believes he has the solution to everything. He’ll always try to point out what’s wrong, and attempt to fix it even though you’ve just about had enough. The guy who likes math doesn’t overanalyze things like the girl who reads. He uses all the formulas, scheming and tactics he can think of to get what he wants. If the problem isn’t easily visible, he would try to dig beneath the surface yet fail to see the big picture, fail to take your opinions into account. He wouldn’t leave until he knew for certain that their was no solution, that the quandary was insoluble. 

        A guy who likes math can stun you with his persistence, brilliance, and originality in thinking. He can simultaneously drive you to distraction with his criticism, and his overly logical and sometimes callous attitude. He is often deluded with the perfectionistic idea that everything, even your relationship, can always be improved. He will always imagine you to be more perfect then you actually are, and you’ll love yet hate that fact. While you adore his affection, you will despise his refusal to accept your flaws, perpetually attempting to ameliorate your character. Date a guy who hates math because he doesn’t bring your hopes up with his idealistic notions and build up your dreams, only to tear them asunder in the future. Because he is afraid to face his-and your-demons, and will brush any problems you have under the proverbial rug. He won’t rock the boat, because he’s satisfied with your relationship as it is; his lack of expectations and apathy will see to that. He’ll never push you to be your best. Rather then waiting until truly knowing that the problem had no solution, he would leave because he lacked the inclination to acknowledge problems to begin with. He would settle for your flaws, and never inspire you nor challenge you. The monotony would be better than the alternative. He wouldn’t wrench your heart in two even as he made you the most radiant, euphoric girl you’d ever be. 

       So you can take your theorems, postulates, and formulas far away from here, you, with your big  graphing calculator. You, with the derivatives and integrals undoing each other at the same time. You there, with the numbers on your window. You, who blurts out the answers before the professor even finishes writing on the board. You, who believes physics is the most beautiful, mystical subject because it can explain the inner workings of the universe.  You, who idolizes Nash, Einstein, Newton and Euler. You force me to realize that I am not perfect, that I will never turn out as well as your clean, orderly problems, the equal signs all lined up. You will always be my largest, and most frustrating problem. You will always work your hardest to fix anything, to repair the cracks no matter the cost. You have long wished for a girl who is cool, collected yet still an enigma, who handles her life with aplomb. You want someone who responds to you in a way that makes you feel like you can do anything, and you will find her, as you doubtless deserve her. I am not that girl. I am a tempestuous, chaotic head case who repeatedly lashes out and cannot think logically. I hate that I have no solution for you, that I only compound the problem. Leave now, take your quantum theory, treatises, and statistical analysis with you and never look back. I’m always going to hate you. 

It looks like a thesaurus had vomited all over your second portion of your article. Don’t try to aggrandize yourself by using superfluous words that do not work in the context of your sentence. Remember, an excellent article requires the author to condense his slur of ideas into the simplest form so the reader may gain a better understanding of the point you are trying to convey. All the best with your journalist career. 
I also disagree, women who lack the ability to engage in an intellectual conversation definitely do not meet the requirements of an ideal woman in my books.

I dunno, I always find people who don’t read kinda boring. Books enrich your life. However being a woman who reads, it’s kinda true. FICTIONAL MEN RUIN LIVES. Ugh. Not that I can’t appreciate the wonderful ones I know, though. I always keep a grip on the  “reality/this is a book a book and not true.” line.

There’s nothing wrong with the “illiterate,” simple girl.

Write something about the illiterate girl who gets taken advantage of after giving years and loving a man who was “vacant,” and could “get blown by the wind,” — someone who stayed with a woman yet always wondered if there was anything better out there. All this, only because he had no gumption, no inner drive to become up to par with this “literate girl.” He chose this simple girl as a second option, as the only option, to escape the fact that the girl that he loves, the one he so obviously adores, doesn’t believe he’s good enough. 

Illiteracy is not an excuse to be with ANY woman only to treat her as second best. 

… someone who has kept you company, that at the end of her life she has to wonder why “nothing ever came of her capacity to love,” because you chose the girl you could “dispatch making love to,” and can easily say, “fuck her.”

People do not understand this article.  It makes me sad, that people don’t understand.

First of all, This is Brilliant. Any woman who is offended is a woman who doesn’t read or write (or the lazy people of never finish a piece or HufPo who failed to post the entire work). Any woman who reads or writes will be shouting ‘Amen’ as they say ‘That’s right, you better know that’. From a  woman who reads and writes and the mother of two women who read and write, don’t give up on the girl who reads. The one who packed and moved on was meant to teach you lessons. Her purpose was to make you value the next one who will make your life an epic adventure fraught with wonder, sighs and a thousand skipped heartbeats every day.

Exactly :D

How could this be anything but satirical and ironic? (Are there people who take this literally? How sad for them.) It is brilliant.

I can have a tad of an intellectual superiority complex at times, but this crosses the line.
-A girl who reads (and believes those who don’t can find love, too.)

for goodness sake. This is taken too literally. The girl who doesn’t read is symbolising the girl you settle for- the blonde with big boobs who you only care to look at. The girl who reads is harder to find. She’s pretty and intelligent. The only difference is the passion. The passion that breaks a relationship for some. Makes the whole thing an emotional rollercoaster. You will have kids and have a simple, nice life with the girl who doesn’t read- no passion, no fire. It’s unfullfilling. He’s saying he had a relationship with the girl with the fire and the intense love that came with that shattered everything. He’s actually saying the opposite than the literal- “i hate you”. It’s “i hate myself for not being good enough” You’re right that there’s nothing wrong with the literate girl. She’s lots of things, just not a girl who reads.

In simple terms,  ”Go date a bimbo. See what happens.”

find the punctuation marks in you :>

I think plenty of people understand it just fine.  It’s sickening because it speaks to a fear a lot of people have of settling for someone they really shouldn’t be with.  It’s uncomfortable to read because a lot of people — men and women, no doubt — are scared to death to think “Jesus Christ, is this the best I can do?”

So it produces a lot of negative reaction.  This is neither surprising nor unwonted.

In few words,date a fucking slut.
 
With love,
a girl who reads

P.S: Who fuck yourself :)!

Incredible article. For those who are taking this literally, go read.. you have a lot to learn. 

Signed,

Blonde female with a DDS

At first I was a wee bit offended by this article, but the ending completely changed that.  He is not saying that a girl who reads should be tossed aside or is too difficult, or even that the “illiterate” girl is second best.  He is saying how he is not worthy of a girl who reads, that he knows she would change him but he simply does not have it in him to change, he KNOWS he cannot make her happy in the end, but he can make SOMEONE happy and be happy in return.

All of the girls who chewed this out and signed “A girl who reads”: you should know that Curious George doesn’t count.  Especially since your daddy read it to you.  Right before he did things you’ve tricked yourself into no longer remembering, their sole legacy the subconscious bearing they took in your predilection for men who were date rapes waiting to happen, striking at just the right point in your state college career to spurn you to wear your victimization as a cross, reinventing yourself as an intellectual in a thinly veiled attempt to “own” your tragedy, never daring to acknowledge any vulnerability for fear of admitting that daddy never loved you for anything beyond two sweaty, inebriated minutes as you nearly suffocated, face pressed into a stuffed animal you can now no longer look at, nor bring yourself to dispose of.  This facade of unsupported sophistication can bear no analysis, so any critique of it or of womankind in general must be crushed like so many childhood dreams, cracks in the armor bandaged in the guise of elitist furor, your only remaining true emotion the horror you feel on sight of any monkey not throwing feces and spreading aids or any man in a yellow coat…

Sorry. “A Ho Who Reads”.  Our mistake.  We won’t belittle bitches anymore by calling them anything as degrading as “girl”.

Hi, I’m here on behalf of the devil.  He’d like you to stop dragging him into your incoherent rants.

Read: “The second half had a lot of big words I didn’t understand, so the point of the whole thing was completely lost on me.”

Didn’t read anything but the title, did you?

“Purple Writing”. Look it up. It does not a demanding author make. Just so you know.

I’m tired of blacks whining about this all the time.  I’m Native American: we get no representation of any kind other than in the most blatant of stereotypes.  Don’t hear the few of us left bitching.  Racism persists because minorities keep making everything about race.

Double negative, plus sarcasm… so, we DON”T live in such a place?  Yeah, sounds about right.

I like both. One is deep, the other cute.

I want to know what all the fuss is about, but I can’t read.

wait, those authors aren’t white?!

White, black, hispanic, asian… I’m arabic, and all you fuckers bleed the same color when I cut you…

see? white systems of domination at work! notice how “white” is first in his list and capitalized!  a subconscious affirmation of chalky’s superiority, drilled in by his global media machine!

HELTER SKELTER IS AT HAND!

Sigh. It isn’t about race directly. It’s about using the same tired tropes of white male privilege and how so many commenters seem so enamored of a perfectly adequate piece of clichéd writing and their inability to read beyond the text. 

Damn.  I was totally be prepared to be offended… then I got to the end.  And… damn.  Girls who read?  If you haven’t read the end?  You’re missing the missing the point…

“You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. ”

BTW, to the author… Girls who read are looking for real men…who’ll make us feel like real women, and cherish us, as we are.  

At least the smart ones are, I think.Signed…a girl who reads books, and writes them.

Have you ever heard of “satire”?

I am a girl who reads.  I’ve gone without food to buy books, and they choke me out of spare space, even taking up more space on my bed than I do.  I’ve lived hundreds of lives between the dusty pages I sail, living for the paradigm shifts and changes I see in the Universe. 
I have read enough to know that you will never be as close to anyone as you are to the soul of an author who knows how to write.  This is one of them. Truly beautiful.

Heh. You poor bastard.

Did you read the end?

To those who sign with “a girl who reads,”  I’d like to add that a girl who reads understands sarcasm and the importance of reading everything and only then writing a shitty response that chews out the author for supposedly preferring skanks to smart girls.  That is, if such a response is warranted. 

 Signed-A girl who read the entire article

I come back to re-read this every month or so. It’s perfect every time. This piece is the personification of what Thought Catalog should be. Unfortunately, this website has become the equivalent of a girl who doesn’t read. 

A girl who reads, but apparently doesn’t proofread her own comments.

Amazing.

Those idiots aren’t even what the author refers to as “girl who reads”. But oh wells…ever since this shit started trending on tumblr the only conclusion I have come to is that every girl wants to be the girl who reads

It is impressive that you are only 21. It would be impressive regardless of age, but your youth gives you passion and a lot of time to develop. I am troubled only by the lack of hope in this piece. I think the girl who reads must have compassion and understanding, and the most important thing: love. People who love help each other grow. True mates are always on the same side, though not always seeing with the same eyes. At any rate, take heart from the firestorm your piece has created. A writer can be hated, but should never be boring. Your prose is lovely. Keep going.

There’s a wonderful new invention by Benjamin Franklin called “The Subscription Library,”  you should try it next time you are starving!

Good thing there are so many illiterate girls out there for these guys to jack off onto, so the smart ones don’t get pulled down!

Hm well as “a woman who is offended” I guess I’ll join camps with all the “illiterate” ladies out there who feel only a “mild and tempered regret” as their capacity for love is wasted on some prick who can’t get it together.  I just love how all you people are so ready to toss “illiterate” people under the bus.  This guy writes and article about how he has to date “stupid girls” because the “smart” ones are too good for him, and instead of condemning him for blaming his shitty relationship abilities on “illiterate” women (illiterate? wtf, btw) everyone starts jumping up and down, flailing their hands in the air to show how THEY are READERS and therefore WIN!!!  Gross y’all!!!!  Way to not support women.

So, uh.  I hated on this a lot until someone told me to hit “page 2.”

“Page 2,” I scoffed, “there’s no page 2.  That’s just for the comments.  It’s always just for the comments.  Blogs don’t paginate entries.  That’s ridicu… … …”
I paused for the two minutes or so it took me to read the second page.

“Oh.”

You might want to consider unpaginating this.  I bet there are a lot of people who don’t know there’s a second page, because nearly every time there’s a “next page” button on a blog, it’s for comments, not for the actual entry.

I came across this after reading the article “Date a girl who reads”.  I was expecting to be offended but the ending made it all make sense. Very well written and for those who think it is a swipe at girls who read it is not. It is saying that the author is not worthy of a girl that reads. It’s tongue in cheek.

As a girl who reads, I adore this because it is ironic and sarcastic and exquisitely written. <3

Why did such a beautiful story have such a limiting view of love?!? Wondering where preconceived notions, archaic inhibitions and society has taken us all?

Thanks, I missed page 2 as well.

I am a girl who reads but right now, in this current moment, my vocabulary is only sufficient enough to say these four words to you – Marry me, Charles Warnke.

Er… wat?

Both pieces were enjoyable (the companion piece I refer to is called “A Girl You Should Date”), but I must say I gravitated to the striking bitterness of You Should Date An Illiterate Girl; like a good aged cheese, the flavors revealed are entrancing, somewhat surprising, a little sour and then ironically balanced by the realization of the writer’s warring soul – love and loathing vying for supremacy.Because, in the end, they are two sides of the same coin: one does not exist without the other.

While I certainly prefer a
reader over a non-reader, I think it this piece wildly overstates the
value of reading and the transformative power of literature.

Charles, marry me!

so so so beautiful. thank you for this. it made my evening.

Dear Eltomato,

Fiction is the silent lie that tells the truth. 

And I thought I only cried dry tears.

–Girl who reads (substantive) fiction and empathizes with genuine souls like you, Charles Warnke. 

A girl who reads will cry while reading this and will hope that one day she will be able to find someone like you.

ahh so glad i caught this comment! i hated this until i went back up and read page 2 and then i loved it.

I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for summing up this beautiful story so eloquently. I love knowing there are others who think and feel the same. Maybe we aren’t all so different after all?

I’m in the same situation as you. She just posted this article on her Facebook with some comment akin to: “Frikster, you poor poor boy.”

Warnke, your words wrench my very soul open. Your words give full life to that ephemeral feeling I get every now and again when her words cut into me: when her literature and philosophical intellect leave me stranded on a hopeless island of cocky jokes and exaggerated self-importance. It’s all a lie: A lie I construe to try and find a place in the story she chooses for her life… a story that often feels devoid of me. 
But let’s set one difference straight mr. Warnke. Girls Who Read, I do not hate you. No, in fact, I cannot live without you. Your shrewd intellect. Your deeper sense of meaning behind the world inside your mind and the worlds inhabited by others. Your grasping of intellectual concepts. Your love for reading, your love for learning, your love for reading, for reading, for reading. I cannot date a girl who doesn’t read. 

Hence, I hate myself for loving you, you silly collective abstract female entity thing I’ve just fabricated. I hate myself, I loathe myself, I dream of my own quick and painless destruction. I hate these emotions. I hate myself for falling in love the way I have. I hate my own nature. I dream of a day when I can burn that human weakness from my psyche. 

I am never satisfied with anyone to whom merely the domestic, sex,  chatting with friends and trips to the mall constitute a life well lived. Fuck you! I swear by any inkling of meaning that still exists in the word “honour,” I will never succumb to lowering my standards. I live to be the second pillar of self-confident to support her, the compassionate shoulder for her to cry on, and most of all, the intellectual partner for her to be quirky with. 

I will never be happy. I will never have lived this life as I want – with my ambitions, passions and intellect – shared with anyone who cannot read.

One day I will be that better person for you. Till then, I hate you Frikster.   

Completely pretentious and not the least bit interesting or groundbreaking. The writer is only 21 you say? It shows. It reads like a hipster watched The Way We Were for the first time.

This is so sad and beautiful because it’s true. 

This was a wonderful read.

fuck the title of this piece.  i know it’s in response to some other shitty article posted on the net, but whether you are literate or illiterate does not have anything with smarts.  “girl who reads” ought to be “smart girl who wants an adventurous, meaningful life”.

It is impressive. It’s also kind of apparent in his bitterness and frustration. Though, thankfully, that bitterness seems to have given him the fire to produce such a lovely piece of writing – and, really, a man at any age might have the same feelings as a man at 21. I’m just relating to the straight up “I really, really, really hate you” sentiment that is so easy to feel around strong,  young, unrequited love.  I want Warnke to age a few years, shake off the chill of 21, and then marry me.

Oh sure, because a writer that is only 21 can’t be good right? Can’t write good articles, and there’s no way this writer can have any ideas about life or love. Don’t be ridiculous.

In my opinion, this is a well written article and rather interesting. However, it’s pretty obvious that the writer is writing with a plethora of anger. Perhaps on the spur of the moment? But that paints this article in red and leaves gaps in his points making room for debate, because I too can’t agree with everything you say. Good writing, though, to the writer. And just a word of advice, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. :)

Don’t be a dick.

Amazing how you miss great imagery and the true  marrow of the piece. You may have made your point if you decided to get rid of your cussing and used proper grammar.  No intelligence doesn’t deal with strictly “book smarts” but most who read crave a world better than their own and I think that shows a greater intelligence than to simply be content and think things won’t change.  The title you chose isn’t very catchy either. . . 

Amazing how you miss great imagery and the true  marrow of the piece. You may have made your point if you decided to get rid of your cussing and used proper grammar.  No intelligence doesn’t deal with strictly “book smarts” but most who read crave a world better than their own and I think that shows a greater intelligence than to simply be content and think things won’t change.  The title you chose isn’t very catchy either. . . 

Hemingway had 4 wives and countless lovers. He killed himself with 2 guns. No girl who reads would ever dream of being with Hemingway.

This piece makes me want to say so much!!! It’s cynical, well written, emotive, biased…. At the end of the day it all comes down to how much beauty you hold in your own life and finding someone who appreciates and explores that life and vice versa. As long as you’re in the drivers seat it IS possible to be be part of anyone’s life; How deep and interesting and wild their world is depends not just on their literacy skills… But their intelligence, perception, imagination, views and understanding. I am saying this because I am not exactly a book worm myself, but I am an observer. I am a visual reader and I reject the idea of limiting such lives to just ‘readers’.

I don’t agree but an interesting perspective.

Beautiful piece of writing

Don’t diss art people! Art brings no request for acquiescence, nor approval or agreement. Moreover it IS a compliment to the girl who reads, for indeed not many today aren’t vacuous, dull or devoid of appreciation for art (;

It’s true that it could be an overstatement, but it could also be that his definition of reader, and yours are wildly different. The person who casually flips through the most recent bestseller that they were given by an out of touch family member can read. But they are no reader. They are not the type of people who can forget the world, forget the time, forget even the most basic need to eat and drink, purely so that they can read each and every word on the pages, sometimes several times over, just to make sure that it seeps into their being so completely. Those are readers. Those are the people for whom books are everything. How can you say that the transformative power of literature is overstated, when, for a reader – literature has transformed their lives from existing in one world. To -feeling- in all of them?

Pretty much every English major female I know has a huge lady-boner for Hemingway. 

this isn’t deep at all. he’s insulting me. he prefers the stupid girls. and i couldn’t care less. charlie is an ignorant. doesn’t want to face the things the way they are, doesn’t want a girl to tell him the things that are true. charlie can’t understand life. and he doesn’t want to. stick to a stupid girl. your life will be senseless.

I liked it. I’m sharing it with other people. Thanks for the nice read.

So I am interested to know if “You Should Date an Illiterate Girl” is meant to be a satirical piece?  I am wondering because then I can laugh at all of the negative comments you have received on your blog, but then again if it is not satyr then I feel silly asking.  Of course, each reader can take each piece of writing into any interpretation that they wish, but I have always liked guessing at how the writer really felt when the piece was written and published.  Either way it is well written, as are all of the pieces I have read of your work and I wish you lots of luck with your exquisite talent.

I must say, this is actually good. Well-written, different, and it caught my attention alright. It depends on the readers on how they perceive your work, but for me I actually liked it. Good job, Charles. Although, I neither approve or disapprove if men should date illiterate girls. It’s up to the guys now anyway. 

That read so much better than the article…

which responded to which? will you check your dates? this article is a year old. 

People should really stop taking things so literally. It’s starting to get NOT funny.

I understand why people would find this article appealing and/or amusing…but the reasons for this are problematic and kind of depressing.

For one, the narrator encourages people (especially women) to be overly sentimental/dramatic and quixotic…which if you have actually read/studied literature, this is not a good thing. Here is an example: “the girl who reads knows the
importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and
the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin…But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable
significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid
farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.” Yes, this all sounds pretty and romantic, etc., but don’t kid yourself–it’s meaningless. It’s an extremely limited, amateur view of literature, and I pity the individual who believes that this is what it means to be well-read.

The article also implores readers to identity themselves as either the narrator
(a
man who reads) or the girl he now hates (the woman who reads) and
essentially strokes their egos for doing so. If you are a person who
reads, you are “bursting with meaning” and “you will accept nothing less
than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied.” If the main things you are learning from reading are that you are the main character and that you should live a “life worthy of being storied,” then you are missing the entire point of literature. You’re simply using literature as a means to justify and enable your narcissism.

Also, this article is highly elitist and classist. Even if it is meant to be slightly satirical, the narrator’s tone is inconsistent in a way that leads readers to interpret the text as being honest or the truth. The narrator does not indicate, in any subtle ways, that the author is himself aware of this bias, which does not work in satire…because people will read what is there without any consideration of the author’s intention. His intention may have been different, but intention means nothing if it cannot be inferred from the text. Based on the comments, most readers are taking everything in the article to be entirely true. As a result, they and the narrator are complicit in acknowledging and perpetuating elitist views of literacy and literature.

To assume that the “illiterate girl” (fyi, I am pretty sure the author meant less read as opposed to illiterate…) is a vapid human being–especially since literacy, access to literature, etc., has a lot to do with privilege and background rather than stupidity–simplifies people in a self-serving way. It others people who are unable to develop the skills or passion for reading. Don’t get me wrong; reading is an essential part of my life, and I believe that everyone should read more. However, I also recognize the privilege behind reading/having the time to read a lot. Neglecting or simplifying the reasons why some people read and some don’t ignores the complexity of the human experience. Some of the most reflective and intelligent people I know are not extremely well-read. Reading does not necessarily preclude people from being passionate or intellectual.

Wow. Stunning piece of work. The first time I read it, I only saw page one. Something made me come back. When I read page two, only then was I quite so moved.

Tiffany, I understand your points but it doesn’t take away the way it moves you. 

As a reader, I hated him back. I loathed him. I wanted to fucking shake him. I saw his fucking hurt and I saw it was born from broken love. 
Then it pained me.Then,  I was so angry to be moved by such a cynical fucking piece. Something so riddled with giving up. I was torn in a thousand directions to respond. “Why didn’t you just fucking try harder then, god dammit.” The optimistic and beauty seeking reader in me was so angry that he made me fall in love with such raw hate when I love to feel as though I despise it and at the root I actually do. It’s so beautifully and deliciously deceptive. A guilty and angry pleasure. Then I resorted to “Fuck you and you narcissistic bullshit. You’re the one that gave up. You could have given more but you had too much stupid fucking pride like a fucking idiot. You did deserve it.” There’s a burning desire to prove him the fuck wrong and show him that he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about and that he’s in fact basing it on one girl, immediately followed with realizing that it’s very well the possible aim.  ”Fuck you and your cheap hate tricks. I don’t have time for you, c’est la vie.”, I think to myself. But the most beautiful, is that we will never ACTUALLY know what his agenda is. It’s OPEN to EMOTIVE response. The most beautiful part, is that in the end, when you’re done feeling it, you decide what it meant to you. For me,  life feels a bit more beautiful. I feel somehow more passionate. I’m filled with delicious desire. And a sudden…appreciation and aspiration. A will that says, “I’m gonna make a beautiful life. I’m gonna appreciate my seconds. The pain. The joys. The cynicism. The equal beauty that it all gloriously holds. I’m gonna try hard in all that I can do, because I can’t settle for less, but when I don’t get my way, I’ll learn to later appreciate the art of those days. The necessity of regret. The freedom of choice. The consequences that I’ll never know of until they’ve happened. The beautiful educated guessing game that life is that even the ‘smartest’ person could never truly ‘foresee’ and that we only ever really know when we know. And to not want it any other way even though I mostly wish I did. Because it would lose its rich meanings. The amazing yet breaking feeling of just not knowing that makes life infinitely fresh every second. 

And a big part of me hopes this guy gets a girl that satiates him and shows him that the world is fucking amazing in every aspect. Because something tells us, that either he’s in denial, or it’s satire, but that what he really does want, or what we want for him at least, is a girl…who reads. 

That was just beautiful. And rather sad. I can relate, somewhat.

I mean, that’s funny, but it’s mean. Still LOL’d.

The author is my boyfriend.

Safe mediocrity……… This is hilarious. Truly hilarious…  Here, all the meaningless cliches, which we usually take as “well, whatever”, actually seem absurd and pathetic….

*was*

This is, hands down, one of the most amazing essays I have ever read. It’s seriously brilliant. I wish it were mine. So, so, so, good. 

ha some of these comments are so wack… 
charles you so cool. i liked this lots. you write like an angel.

Funny, in my experience, most of the overwrought girls who self consciously intellectualize things have more of a tendency to sadness and anomie than do the women that know themselves and are happy with who they are, and neither has anything to do with the amount that a woman reads.

The essay is well written and does illicit a gut reaction, I guess.

People, this is satire. Get over yourselves. It’s not very well conceived, so it’s hard to tell; but nobody who reads (or is familiar with– this guy would write better if he’d actually read them properly) Nabokov, Joyce, and Woolf will hold the exact opposite opinion from that expressed here. Especially if they live in Berkeley.

Also, “vacuous sophistry”? “expedite a denouement”? I call thesaurus abuse. Go back to university and learn to write, douchebag.

Write in the same style, in the same drawn out, ironic, mildly disaffected, but somehow tinging on nostalgic, voice, over and over again. Make each piece identical, yet vividly unique, like little shimmering stars of ennui. Exploit the manipulative nature of the command mixed with the second person as much as possible. Agonize over your fear of becoming normal, of melting into default America like your parents did. Hold onto your teenage fantasies of being better, smarter, more special than everyone else, like a child desperately grasping a first place trophy won by a team he plays on, during a game he didn’t do a thing to win. Write about it. Over and over again. Don’t stop. That’s the key. Cause everyone is listening.

Don’t you get that that’s the point? 

I could really relate to Ashley’s response. 
I hate this piece and yet I love it too cause this proverbial shit actually moved me!

“To assume that the “illiterate girl” … is a vapid human being–especially since literacy, access to literature, etc., has a lot to do with privilege and background rather than stupidity–simplifies people in a self-serving way.” 
Couldn’t have said it better myself, keyword: “self-serving”. The author fails to empathize with those who are unlike him, and only seeks to boost his own ego. I am pretty sure humanity is a bit more complex than the author has given us credit for. 

Then don’t use the term “white”; it implies a vast number of people of many different cultures, many of which are not represented by this style of surfeited middle-class american male writing.

I once stuck a plastic fork up my butt.  I don’t know what I was expecting, I was just bored; I needed a change.  And of course it broke… I tried finishing it out myself, but only got a few pieces out.  I was too embarrassed to see a doctor about it, so I asked my mother to try to fish the rest out.  She wouldn’t, so I got an old friend from college to try.  That still wasn’t enough, though, so finally I went to a pretty bizarre club and invited random strangers to help me.  They did a pretty good job, but to this day I think there’s still a bit left up there.
Maybe none of that would’ve happened if I used a metal fork, or maybe that would have been worse.  Some have said I should have used a spoon.  And some people maintain I never should have stuck any utensils up there at all.
But what I take from it al…
  ..is that I should read more.

“Why a SPOON, cousin?”
“Because it’s DULL, you twit, it’ll HURT more!”

There is no spoon.

If this is the kinda shit that “reading” makes you produce, man, fuck people who read.

Dude you know satyr and satire are two different things right?

what a stupid thing to say.

I actually found this article as a satirical piece or parody response to this piece by Rosemarie Urquico– read out by Robert Pattinson in one of his films. (I’m not a fan so not sure which.) I found it amazing how both the writers engage in a sort of dialogue with one another; they are diamterically opposed, yet connected.

“Date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has
problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.
She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the
one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the
weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book
shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages,
especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the
street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating
on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the
author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got
through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she
understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound
intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who
reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for
anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her
Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that
words are love. Understand that she knows the difference
between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her
life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she
does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because
a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax.
Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you
can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still
be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at
2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea
and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always
come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You
will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and
even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the
Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the
winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her
breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable.
If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked
proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the
worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads. Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

I found both articles wonderful: provocative and emotive and though inaccurate as many have pointed out, blackly funny! (This guy would HATE ME.) I suppose I am one of those monstrous girls ‘who read’, and funnily enough, my ex-boyfriend was one who didn’t read, by no means was he ‘illiterate’ but he was definitely uninspired, unmotivated, miserable with his life and stuck in a right rut. We broke up recently, and the narrator here articulates our situation just wonderfully, in just the way Matthew had to me, which pissed me off SO much! Though he never implied it to me, I realise how my reading irritated him or made him envious, because the time I’ve had to put into reading for my degree (not necessarily with enjoyment mind– more often with resentment,) was time he felt I should have more importantly spent with him. He took it upon himself to end our (what I had believed to be) amazing and solid relationship totally out of the blue for the sole reason that he hated me studying. He says perhaps when I’m all done two years from now, we can pick up where we left off and get back together, to which I replied– RIDICULOUS! Having completed a degree of his own, I CANNOT understand his reasoning! His immaturity and down-right selfishness has made my blood boil and has hurt deeply– feelings which this piece really re-awakened in me, but in an ephiphanic ‘Oh-My-God, Yes!’ kind of way. For a moment, I felt a touch of empathy for the male party, but this was soon overcast by annoyance and frustration at the irrationality of his ideals and his complete narcissim! I felt like shouting: ‘Well, get off your arse and do something about it!’ Which is what, in a roundabout way, I also said to Matt at the end. Really enjoyed (AND hated) both!

! excuse the typos- I’m a terrible reader and writer!

you can get immersed and have passion for any type of hobby.  you don’t have to an avid reader to be passionate about life and love.

You are a weak and bitter asshole.

I realize this comment will probably go ignored, but when I encountered this piece a few weeks ago, there was a line at the end that kind of changes the entire tone of the piece, something to the effect of “Or stay, and save my life.” Did the internet mislead me or has something been left out here?

JOHN is right.  That is the point.  The point of sarcasm is not to reveal to the reader.  Swift wrote “A Modest Proposal”, a suggestion that the Irish could ease economic strain by eating children.  Sarcasm isn’t supposed to say, “Just kidding!” in the end. 

And while the text contains a lot of extravagant words, the pace and the tone are well managed.  He could just have had a great editor read his work, but he might not have. 

How did you make the assumption that intellectual women don’t “know themselves” and aren’t “happy with who they are”? 

That was an edit that someone added when they reposted this on the internet.

Vacuous girls who vomit on sidewalks outside of bars.  Stroller moms who judge others by the cars they drive.  Middle-aged Oprah worshipers who don’t trust their children.  These are the ones who “know themselves and are happy with who they are”?  No thanks.  Give me a thinking girl any day.

Vacuous girls who vomit on sidewalks outside of bars.  Stroller moms who judge others by the cars they drive.  Middle-aged Oprah worshipers who don’t trust their children.  These are the ones who “know themselves and are happy with who they are”?  No thanks.  Give me a thinking girl any day.

One does not really comprehend the allegory of the cave if one is in in the cave, does one?

I won’t pretend to be the expert opinion, and as much as it pains me to comment on anything on the internet… I really, really hate this piece of writing. I get the impression the author’s out of his depth discussing either lifestyle and he leans heavily on the kind of sophomoric, empty cliches about relationships  that even Hawthorne Heights (‘cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight, or die.’ Yeah. Those guys) would have been ashamed to put a guitar line to and wail down a microphone to tweens… it makes my jaw tense.
My guess? Student wants to have sex, writes story to help his cause. A girl that doesn’t read at all won’t read his story, so he’s complimenting every girl who does read it by default. Smart plan, shame about all the words and the order he put them in.*General internet disclaimer* If you disagree with me, that’s fine. It doesn’t mean either one of us is stupid, and I’m not claiming to be right. Let’s just go on with our lives having expressed our differing opinions, yes?

Regardless if anyone finds this piece offensive or brilliant, there is no doubt Charles Warnke is a gifted writer. After all, he’s managed to encourage massive debates and opinions with this one piece. Honestly, I can’t wait to see his book.

Hell hath no fury…

Is it strange that i feel a little sad reading this?
I liked it as an article though.

Nice article.

A girl majoring in English shared this article with me. Makes me like her a lot more.

From Berkeley, GO BEARS!

I thought it had to do with expectations and the ability to be satisfied and how if you seek out anyone with emotional needs and ideas and desires you are setting yourself up for failure.   An ex boyfriend once told me that neither he nor anyone would ever be able to make me happy because what I expect from love and relationships doesn’t exist outside of stories and my own imagination.  That I expect too much.  That’s what this article reminded me of.  It’s like he is implying “find someone without imagination, without expectation, without a complex nature.  They may not inflame you but they won’t burn you either.”

Says the boy who writes

Well, YOU seem to be. You also appear to be as bitter as the speaker in this piece you so scorn. However, I believe you are missing the finer points and subtleties this attempts to express.

No, fuck you and stop being such a pussy. Love hurts. Nothing lasts. Do it anyway.