“I was running out of material for my therapist anyway.”
Justify this to those who know you. Believe it or not, some people don’t think slapping others in the face is ever warranted.
The way you often put your head on my shoulder (it’s easy because you are tall and I am not tall) as if to say “my neck is tired” or “let’s briefly touch scalps” or “I love you.”
Good luck finding someone who loves you like I do.
So quiet. All the time. Eerily so.
You organize a surprise birthday party for her and she shows up with a date who is clearly better than you in every way.
Meeting her for an early morning aerobics class and then being comically out-of-shape and disgustingly sweaty within 5 minutes is not good.
Through the years I’ve asked questions, I’ve raised my voice, I’ve demanded answers.
Pretty exciting isn’t it, what with the sweaty palms, the involuntary leg shakes and the desire to abuse anxiety medication?
Remember to feign interest during this stage of small talk even if it feels like a small part of your soul is being vacuumed through your ears.