1. When you realize you sound exactly like her.
You were either disciplining your younger sibling or gossiping about some unsuspecting mother’s inability to parent her kid when you realized that everything about your mom that DRIVES YOU CRAZY, you totally embody.
2. When she (kinda) alludes to having sex with your dad.
*Cue theatrical vomiting noises.*
3. When you get your first period.
The horrifying surprise of blood falling out of your crotch was amplified by your mother’s inexplicable joy.
4. When you learn how to use a tampon.
You really, really didn’t want her advice (or anything moderately close to a tutorial). She really, really didn’t care.
5. When you lose your virginity.
And, by some stroke of witchcraft, she just…knew. Immediately.
6. (The countless times) when she broadcasts who your latest crush is to the entire world.
Your dad, the guy’s mom, THE GUY…Your traitorous mother has divulged your love secrets to them all.
7. When she went in on how much your first boyfriend sucked.
While you were still dating, of course.
8. When she gives you the birth control talk.
It felt like the ~birds and the bees~ talk all over again. Mortifying.
9. When she catches you wearing makeup for the first time.
You didn’t think she’d notice. You were wrong. It was a cheek-pinching disaster.
10. When she sits you down to insist that you start tweezing your eyebrows.
Et tu, mommy?!!!!!!!