Ask ten women what they want in a guy and you’ll get ten different answers. For guys, it comes down to one main thing: guys want a woman who will be in their corner and make their lives a better place. If you are pleasant and enjoyable to be around, if you love your life and let that joie de vivre flow into your relationship, if you are happy with who he is, then he will be drawn to you like the proverbial moth to a flame.
There is so much information out there about what guys want and how to catch a man, but that is what it actually takes. It’s not about playing coy or being unattainable or making him chase you or wearing this and saying that. Attracting the right man and being in the right relationship comes down to being your best self and letting that flow into the relationship.
Of course, we can’t discount the importance of physical attraction and compatibility. Those are prerequisites; if you don’t have them, it won’t go anywhere. But that aside, it comes down to being the woman who “gets” him, who is his sanctuary, his escape from the world. That is really all any man wants from a woman and from a relationship; everything else is just icing on the cake.
How Men Commit
What you need to realize about men is they don’t really think about commitment until they have to. They enter into a situation and it feels nice, and the commitment just kind of happens. It’s not the goal, it’s the result.
Here is how commitment usually unfolds from a man’s point of view.
A guy meets a girl, and they exchange information, maybe they even hook up. They communicate and start hanging out, and he notices he enjoys spending time with her … and he actually really enjoys her as a person. He realizes that he would even like spending time with her if they didn’t hook up.
He feels like his life is better with her around. She doesn’t try to capture him or pin him down, and she genuinely enjoys his company as well. He doesn’t think about how he’ll feel down the line, he just considers how he feels right now, and right now, he feels great. Guys don’t think about emotions; if it feels good when she’s around, he’ll want to be around her.
Guys commit slowly. He doesn’t think about it really, he just thinks about how much he enjoys her company, and the fact that he would like more of it. The reason women struggle is because they get an idea in their head that things are not okay. The moment they start to really believe that, they feel uneasy without knowing exactly why. And it doesn’t feel good … it makes her feel like she has to do something to feel okay again. Preconceived expectations and conditions can ruin happiness. As soon as they come into play, the nice, ready, relaxed dynamic is ruined. This is when a guy will start to have doubts, when he’ll start to pull away, when he’ll feel like the walls are closing in and he needs to escape.
Ultimately, a man doesn’t consciously choose to commit … it just sort of happens the moment he realizes that this relationship and this woman fulfill him in ways that being single and free never could.
Another key component of commitment is timing. For a man to commit, it has to be the right girl and the right time, and these two things don’t always converge. A guy can be dating the right girl, but it just isn’t the right time for him to take whatever the next step is that she wants to take; usually this happens with getting engaged or married. I know guys who were sure their girlfriend was “the one,” but they didn’t want to propose until they were more financially stable or more established in their job. I also know guys who felt ready to find the one and settle down, but it took time to find the right girl. Some guys have such a strong desire to get married (I see this a lot with my single guy friends over 35), that they will try with all their might to make a relationship that wouldn’t have gone beyond two dates in the past turn into a marriage. And finally, when a guy is ready to settle down and meets the right girl, then it’s magic. Then you have that seamless coming together, that instant click and realization that this is it.