How do relationships end? How do you go from waking up at 10am to good mornings that make you smile to waking up at 6am because you’ve seen their face in a dream and now your stomach aches and one hand cradles the yearning pit while the other pushes your dog away as she tries to lick the sweet salty substance that falls from your eyes and rests on your cheeks? So you turn the music on, even though you didn’t need music to sleep when you were with “them”, but now you do, except every song reminds you of ‘them.’ This is what the end looks like and it is a dark sad place.
Love is not a resource you can run out of. So how do we find ourselves at the end? Going from ‘I can’t lose you’ to ‘this has gotten too hard.’ How do we get to the point that we forget the good? We forget the very first meeting, touch, and the very first jitter filled date. How far we’ve come, how strong we are collectively and opt to be apart. How do we look past the collective dreams and the infinite possibilities?
Focusing on the negatives for one. Our minds are so powerful. Our mindset determines the kind of love we have and give. When you are all hope and trust, your positivity radiates into the relationship. When you are anxious and worried that adds tension to the relationship. And it’s sad that our actions have the adverse affect but that’s the way it is. The harder we hold on, the more they pull away. Because let’s face it, love is the easy part. Everything else is so damn hard.
We forget. We forget to celebrate each other. We stop saying ‘you make me happy and you alone are enough’ and if you are in a relationship and you haven’t said it in a while, please do.
Remind them on their bad days they are just as special as on the good days. All of their perfectly imperfect ways. Because nostalgia is a sneaky little female dog in heat and when they’re gone you think you’d miss the good things, the notes they put in your lunch, the adventures. But no, you miss sitting through Netflix series you didn’t even want to watch, you miss watching the change in their eyes when you come into view. You miss the nights that could’ve ended in anger that ended in an embrace instead. Once so tight, now you just can’t fathom never feeling it again. You miss the way they said I love you and wonder if it’ll ever mean the same hearing it from someone else. You realize you’re going to miss the stupid little errands, sitting in the passenger seat like an eager child, and even getting ridiculed for leaving trash in their car afterwards.
So I ask you, whatever you’re fighting over, what ever it is you can’t seem to let go of, is it worth it?
Sometimes we’re just acting out of love. Our fears push us to act, to “fix”. But shift your focus. If a plant is dying you don’t nurture the dead leaves. You cut them off and nourish what’s good and left of the plant so it can grow.
Relationships need to be fed and when in constant fix mode you deplete it of resources instead. Cut the negative out of your mind instead and focus on the good you still have. If you do, everything won’t seem so hard and hopeless and in time it all falls into place. We look for solutions to problems instead of solutions on how to love more, unconditionally. How it ends is a complicated algorithm of many factors, but when it ends you’ll wish it hadn’t. You’ll wish you could go back in time and hold them a little longer, if you’d known it would be the last.
You can comfort yourself with the thought that all things will be ok in the end. It’ll all work out. What’s meant to be finds a way. But I believe God helps those who help themselves; he makes a way for those that have shown him they’re willing to fight. But there’s a difference between fighting each other tirelessly to the point one or both parties can no longer see the point or a positive end. The fight instead should always be to find a better way to love. Talking is over rated. So many words can be lost in translation. Why not love instead, love harder, love more.
Love the way God asked us too:
Love is patient and kind,
It does not envy or boast.
It is not arrogant or rude.
It is not self seeking
It is not easily angered
It keeps no records of wrongs.
It rejoices in truth.
It always protects.
It trusts and hopes.
It ALWAYS perseveres.
Because love never fails, and if it fails it wasn’t love. So again, focus on the good, being good, and not consumed by what is wrong or in need of change.
Sometimes a break up is necessary and beneficial. When too people stop loving or wanting to try it makes sense. But sometimes it’s the result of built up tension with no clear way out, those are the saddest. Because you still love them but you want to hate them. Hate them because they promised you not too long ago that they wouldn’t leave, they would run, and the could NOT lose you. They said they wouldn’t give up on you and now they have and even if it makes perfect practical sense, practicality has no place in love. Only love.