Over the course of my life, I’ve held a number of jobs that were objectionable for a variety of reasons. It wasn’t until I went to college and worked for temp agencies over a summer break and winter break, however, that I was faced with employment that made me feel senseless and useless, as if I were one of the alienated laborers I read about during the school year when I was studying Marxist-influenced social theory.
These parties incur the indiscretions of full on fellatio and, sometimes, its terminate gesture the facial. Some of the more coy women have their friend next to them hold up a towel to block the view from others, a sort of prelude to the towel’s ultimate capacity.
Is this extremely funny, or am I just being weird? This baby laughing at half speed is funny as hell! Who would have thought that a baby excited about dogs and bubbles could have sounded like a forty year-old fat man on an acid trip? Or like your hallucinations on an acid trip gone bad? Hah! Video inside.
She has two reality shows (about her photoshoots and nightlife, which are in turn occur because of said shows), a book, a fragrance, a failed credit card, a skincare line, and – I’m sure – plenty of other products I can’t think of at 3 A.M.
I just bought a coffee and your WiFi doesn’t work, and you’re basically refusing to do anything about it. Why? Now I’m stuck here, four dollars in the hole, and I’m really regretting having tipped you. Please take mercy on me and go reset the router.
Your body probably hates you in your twenties. After eating crappy food, experimenting with drugs, and drinking enough alcohol to vomit rainbow colors, your body is officially fed up. It kind of feels like your mind and body are bickering conjoined twins sometimes. The two often want different things but they need to meet each other halfway in order to survive.
But survival and great success are born from the refusal to accept boundaries, though it may be strange to conceive of our greatest creative endeavors as direct responses to the fact that life sucks. Or to think that the most impressive thing any individual will ever accomplish is born out of the friction between what we want to be and what we are.
Then I freaked out. I remembered that, unlike Thanksgiving, unlike New Years, Easter is a religious holiday. I thought, “I can’t go to church.” I expressed this to my roommate as we were sharing wine. He said, “It’s an hour of your life, it’s an experience, won’t you just write about it?” And I said, “Yes, I will, you’re right.” But it was a lie, I couldn’t go, I would cancel on my parents the next day.
Created by Lernert Engelberts en Sander Plug, this video is three years old, but just as Yahweh rose from the dead three days after his crucifixion at the hands of the Romans and the Jews, the video of the melting of the chocolate bunny has now been resurrected from the depths of viral detritus three years after its birth.
Get lost in learning about their life. Go through their comprehensive internet history and “meet” their significant others, their friends, their cute little bulldog named Gus. Cringe each time you look but always come back for more.
Antoine Dodson, star of the Gregory Brothers’ “Bed Intruder Song” was arrested early Saturday morning for possession of marijuana. Police found the drug in his vehicle after he was pulled over on a routine traffic stop. Dodson was released on Sunday, but could face up to one year in jail, authorities said.
In this incredible footage unearthed from 1994, we discover a group of journalists and tech geeks at the Knight Ridder think tank who pretty much predicted the iPad as an electronic newspaper. They even had a modern-looking prototype incorporating text, audio, video, and graphics.
And then there was us — the beast and me, a middle class hebe and his demi-jew spawn. Oh, it was a beautiful, if chaotic, event — loud music, people everywhere, and some professional skater in the middle of it all. My boy, needless to say, was a bit intimidated — he had his board and his helmet but he was sticking close to his pops.
Belatedly: Happy Easter, Lindsay Lohan! Go directly to jail and do not collect your Mini Eggs. Don’t worry, though. They sell them year round now. That’s a reason not to kill yourself any and every day. And yet I’m going to keep writing. Stay with me.
Here’s a circumstance I’ve wondered about. Imagine that a close single female friend (just a friend) mentioned to you that she has a vibrator that’s shaped like a highly stylized penis. It’s not too anatomically correct, just a normal vibrator.
I wasn’t born rich or powerful enough to be initiated into the world of networking from an early age, so I always misunderstood it. When I dropped out of high school and started getting my own jobs, I figured out quickly how to develop a good rapport with bosses and customers.
My mailman is a loser. There is no other word to describe a person who is not only terrible at his job, but has no desire to do anything about it. He is lazy and impolite and quite brazen about it. He lies frequently and shows no remorse. If my mailman were my boyfriend, my friends would be afraid for my life.
Well, it’s Easter… again. As a Jew, I remain slightly confused by the concept of Easter — although I believe that it commemorates the day that Jesus brought baked ham and marshmallow Peeps to the Gentiles.
All holidays are really just an excuse to get wasted and Easter is no exception. In fact, I would argue that Easter is the booziest of holidays because it has such a flimsy premise. What do you do in your twenties for a holiday that revolves around dyeing eggs?
Shyness is an excuse, maybe, but it’s also a kind of narcissism. In my experience, the really humble people are often the most outgoing. They are more interested in other people than themselves. Like the believers who walk out into the road without looking, they know that if they die (out there, on that stage) they’re going to heaven anyway.
People wonder why baristas so frequently come off haughty, snotty and holier than thou. Well, we have reason, and it’s a perfectly human one: people are careless and inconsiderate, and we get tired of it.
Royal College of Art PhD student Julijonas Urbonas has created a design for a roller coaster that is intended to murder you… with fun! No, but you would actually die if you rode this roller coaster. It’s called The Euthanasia Coaster. Sounds quite horrifying to me, but Urbonas doesn’t think so. He actually intends for the thing (if built, which won’t happen) to lead to a meaningful death.
The Numi’s lid opens automatically. Other features include a heated seat, a touchpad remote, ambient lighting, built-in speakers, an adjustable bidet with dryer, as well as a charcoal-filter deodorizer designed to annihilate any animal smells.
The most important idea proven by these groups is that if you have good ideas, talent that others believe in and the ability to put your name out in the world, you can succeed with little outside influence. You can be yourself and be successful.
Six people were arrested this Tuesday for the murder of 15-year-old Florida boy Seath Tyler Jackson. Lured by a text message to the home where he was murdered, Jackson was shot to death with a .22 calibur revolver by 18-year-old suspect Michael Bargo. Bargo “hated” Jackson, according to the CBS News report.
The gym is notorious for making people feel uncomfortable, awkward, and self-conscious. We put our bodies on display there and move in unflattering, indelicate ways, especially if weight lifting is involved. A new gym in the Basque region of Spain has found a way to make this whole ordeal even more uncomfortable: naked work outs.
The fortune teller’s daughter had planted seeds of thought in my mind, and it was unclear when any of it would take root and grow. But that’s probably what psychics and fortune tellers are trained to do. Sometimes, I think of them as practicing a perverse form of psychotherapy.
Once there was a time when breaking up with someone any other way besides having “the talk,” face-to-face, was totally abhorrent. If you told someone that you and your partner broke up via phone, it was like… disgusting. This was a time when yeah, breaking up actually was hard. Enter the age of apathy – aka now. All bets are off. No one is owed a decent break up these days.
What is Friday? It’s fun, fun, fun! What are we gonna do? Get down on Friday! We’re going to go down collectively as a culture on Friday’s big fat dick (it’s the most well-endowed out of all the days). We we so excited!
The Japanese are an inscrutable people. In fact, I feel like I’ve never heard the word “inscrutable” used without reference to the Japanese. Sometimes, their entire culture seems like a version of the “idea balls” discussed in that episode of South Park. Just random combinations of things. …And so, I am proud to bring you the latest iteration of weird Japanese culture — kittens, sitting inside bowls… on a TV show.
It seems like telling someone that you don’t know that well that you have some genuine, curious feelings for him beyond just wanting to fuck has become totally stigmatized. Because showing you actually care equals vulnerability, which has somehow been bastardized into weakness. And nothing scares someone off faster than weakness.
“I realize this type of story plays out constantly in the world for many, many families. The pieces slip away or no one cares to remember the details. We see the summation of cause and effect in a homeless face on the street every day. It can be too complicated, uncomfortable and painful to ask why.” – Darcy Padilla
Coachella has come and gone, and with it starts the summer of hipster-infested festivals. Although they’d love to maintain their pale physique, they love smoking American Spirits with thousands of people more. Tis the season when they show their feathers, as though a bird of paradise strutting its stuff during mating season.
My mother is not a reasonable woman. Neglectfully naive in her worldview, I grew up with the parallel views of “everything will be fine” and “don’t you dare do that.” But as I entered into my teens and then my adulthood, inevitably turning fucking up into an annual event, I started to see the holes in her wacky parental plan. Here are some of them.
In an event that screams PROBLEMATIC, this week about sixty adolescent Malaysian boys deemed as too effeminate went to counseling to make sure they don’t become gay. At the “camp,” which ended today, the boys visited mosques and engaged in aerobic activity.
Artist Scott Weaver recently unveiled “Rolling Through the Bay,” a toothpick Rube Goldberg machine of the Bay Area. A product of 35 years of work and over 100,000 toothpicks, the piece can be explored via a number of ball runs that take you through toothpick replicas of Bay Area sights and attractions. Pretty cool!
I felt like screaming at him “HELLO, HASN’T ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT IF A GIRL WANTS YOU TO STAY OVER FOR BIRTHDAY SEX YOU MUST OBLIGE?” It isn’t even something that regular people need to be told; I thought it was just general knowledge.
In 1985, our Center for Disease Control obesity map shows just a few states at a 10-14% obese population – but there are far more that simply provide no data at all. So, in 1995, when all states reported their “obesity levels,” the majority have a 10-14% obese population while a growing number are at 14-19%. Fast forward 14 years to 2009, and most of US has a 25% – ? obese population!
Bullying and other forms of harassment in school settings have taken on various new forms in the past years because of technologies like webcams, phone cameras, Facebook, and Twitter. This past Wednesday, former Rutgers student Dharun Ravi was formally charged with hate crimes involving a webcam and Twitter.
Gender is unapologetically performed all over Share the Joy, and to miss that is to listen with one ear clogged. Ramone coincidentally uses that word—“girl”—sixteen times on Share the Joy, as opposed to the one “girl” on 2008’s Vivian Girls, and one on 2009’s Everything Goes Wrong.
A reader at Jezebel sent in a feminist “editorial” that was penned by none other than her ten-year-old daughter (You know she was raised in a household that banned the viewings of Disney movies). The daughter was reportedly inspired after reading miniboden, a children’s catalog that apparently could learn a thing or two about gender roles.
I look White. My sister looks Spanish. My mom is Black. My dad is White. We never talked about these things. I never felt like I needed an explanation. At the first sign of summer, I wanted to fry in the sun and be tan like my sister. I remember my brother picking on me – he has a different dad and is darker, like my sister – and I told him that he wasn’t Black, like mom, just dirty.
If I’ve learned anything about my twenties so far, it’s that you have the luxury of balancing “not serious” with “real life serious.” You can go out, get four hours of sleep, and still kick ass at your job the next day. Does that mean you should? No, you fool, but you can.
And this is it, you think, in much the way someone feels when they solve for X in a particularly difficult equation–this is infatuation. That satisfying, fulfilling locking into place of an answer that is so simple and yet somehow takes so long to reach.
We decided in that moment to have a tan-off: against each other, against the sorority girls, against the world at large. Like the Peaches song, we would tan the pain away. We just needed to figure out how to translate “tanning salon.”
Traveling with pseudo-strangers (on business trips, college-era Thanksgiving ride-shares, awkward carpooling to Marietta, Georgia with the only two other people in your town interested in historic Civil War re-enactments) requires its own set of rules to govern the sharing of a confined space for an extended period of time while keeping awkwardness to a minimum.
Here’s the gist: 20-year-old gay boy falls in love with a 28-year-old. Three months into the relationship, the 28-year-old’s mom died and he goes sort of crazy. After a few years, they break up. 20-year-old becomes single but disenchanted with the gay scene. Runs back into the arms of his BF (who was admitted to a psychiatric facility once they broke up…) and is wondering if he is making a mistake by getting back together with him.
We are not used to it. Weeds grow hurriedly along the driveway, anxious that they might miss their moment; their boldness does nothing to disguise that they were caught off guard. For gardeners, this rain is a trickster, pulling bright green shoots out of the ground long before the dangers of snow and cold snaps have passed.
He wasn’t dripping in jewels or a famous watch or even some bespoke expertly tailored designer threads. He was part of this new money movement I guess, and by his constant exclamations of “It’s on me, order whatever you want”, he sure acted like it. By the time he flew back home to LA about 10 days later, he was 3 million dollars richer from the finished deal.
According to the police report, “The operator was also observed with her pants unbuttoned and a vibrator in her lap. She advised that she had been using it while watching a video on the computer the passenger was holding.”