Latest Articles

Rebecca Black Just Killed Pop Music

Thanks to Rebecca and her production team, we’ve turned a corner and there is no going back. It took me two full viewings before I figured out that this wasn’t a joke. (Parts that stumped me: when the rapper suddenly appears, when she says “gotta have my bowl”).

Naked And Here

Initially each moment scores my skin, days ticked off on a prison wall, but over time I adjust, make reluctant peace with the moments as they ponderously unfurl. The knowledge that figure modeling, I make in three hours what I do as a barista in six, also helps.

Five Things To Do On A Sunday

You can spend it at a six hour brunch with your best friends drinking, eating, and trying your darndest to have your life resemble an episode of Sex and the City. Or you can lie in bed naked watching old episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210. Both are acceptable because Sundays are all about YOU, about reacquainting yourself with a quality of life you may have lost during the grueling work week.

Painful Skin Condition Afflicts Girlfriends and Wives of “Hot” Guys Nationwide

“I thought he was really hot at first,” said Sally Smith (real name withheld), about her new boyfriend. “But now I’m not so sure.” Sitting in the waiting room of her doctor’s office, Smith carefully unbuttoned the top of her shirt to display red, raw looking skin. She is suffering from the same painful skin condition that is afflicting girlfriends and wives of “hot” guys nationwide.

On Sluts, Rape and Fuckery

Nothing hurts me so much as hearing the word slut dropped into conversation. This is because in tenth grade my English teacher recommended Leora Tanenbaum’s book, Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation. Not a book I would have picked up on my own, but I liked this teacher and would have read anything he recommended.

Things People Like

People like pop songs. If they say they don’t, they’re liars and that’s okay. People like them because they ‘re deceptively simple and easy to relate to. They make you feel a part of something and they make you believe that you’re participating in a larger cultural moment. You can be at a party with people you hate and put on “Party In The USA” to make everything better. “I don’t speak your fucking language, but I do speak Miley.”

A Guide To Dealing With Japanese Earthquake Guilt

As nightfall hits Japan, the first search and rescue efforts have started, and so the body count can only increase. Yet here we are. In front of our computers. Looking at the internet. Here’s how to allay some of that guilt that you’re inevitably bound to feel upon not doing anything at all (and, well, being essentially powerless to) to quell the very real suffering that Japan’s experiencing at this very moment.

What Puberty Looks Like

Alexander Gellner takes a tweaked-out, one-minute crash course through puberty in this animated short. “Puberty, the fun and exciting times you had with pimples, uncontrolled new powers, and a thousand things you tried out for the first time,” writes Gellner in his synopsis. “Metamorphosis and change and chaos of becoming a real person are some of the themes that I tried to touch on.”

Why Everyone is Obsessed With The End of the World

As a culture, we’re obsessed with our own demise, which I find to be very interesting since we don’t actually know how to deal with basic run-of-the-mill death. Being wiped out by an astroid or tsunami is much more bearable than knowing someone who choked on a piece of chicken at dinner and died. Maybe it’s because it’s easier to know that we’re all going to go out together than alone.

Japan Earthquake Creates Giant Whirpool

Just after the massive 8.8 9.2 magnitude earthquate struck Japan’s northeastern coastline, a giant, ominious whirlpool developed just off a Japanese harbor. While the news footage indicates that the whirlpool doesn’t seem to be doing any harm, the video reminds us just how powerful, uncompromising and bleak nature can be. Video inside.

A Brief History of a Middle School Wigger

When I was in middle school, I did not realize how strange and awful it was. I was overweight, mean-spirited, lazy, and girls did not like me. When I liked girls, I chatted with them on AIM, saying things like, “hey” and “A/S/L?”

Penny Arcade Gets Real

The Dickwolves imbroglio has served as a reminder that, especially in the democratic realm of internet media, not even a Geek God is safe from censure. Penny Arcade is still standing, but you can tell they’re shaken. Gamers are never more taken aback than when the battle’s not on a screen.

How To Multitask

Know for a fact that there are going to be at least four emails that will feel excruciatingly imminent and demanding an immediate reply, and so go to your email account and be surprised/ delighted/ horrified by the fact that there are 16 new emails, none of which are spam.

Recipe For A Depressing Night In By Yourself

Feel the warmth hit your skin and pay attention to the silence in your apartment. Sit in the bath and feel like an adult and a child. Think back to when you were younger and taking baths frequently and having a prepubescent body. Look at your body now. It may look sad and defeated, or it may look sexy and determined.

The Smoosh Effect

Smoosh’s new album is music for a solo walk or the soundtrack to whatever film John Stockwell (Crazy/Beautiful, Blue Crush) is currently working on. Fans of a diverse collection of piano people — Tori Amos, Coldplay, The Delgados, Death Cab for Cutie (whose drummer helped Smoosh get their start), Chantal Kreviazuk, Bat for Lashes — will appreciate this music, as well as boys and girls who think the girls are hot (they are).

Study Shows That Staring At Boobs Is Good For Men's Health

That’s right dudes. According to the Boston FOX affiliate, German doctors are now recommending that men stare at breasts at least 10 minutes a day! Yes – somehow some German scientists controlled a group of men for five years, directing them to never look at boobs or “ogle them daily,” and they found that the pervs that openly undressed women with their eyes on a daily basis were way, way healthier!

5 Awesome Things About High School

Having been out of high school for six years now, I’m able to look back at my experience with warm fuzzies and nostalgia. The self-loathing, the drama, the devastating outfit choices: It all seems like so much fun in retrospect! Unfortunately, I’ve discovered that the cheese mostly stands alone. Today when the topic of high school is broached, most people groan and say some variation of “So glad that’s over. That shit was traumatizing.” What gives? Am I the only one that liked high school?

Dear Gay Dude: Can Guys Be Bisexual?

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. He’s cute, sweet, and a complete babe. I could totally see me having his babies someday (I mean, what?!) Anyway, the other day he broke down and told me he was bisexual. As in, he’s had sex with dudes before. Even though I hate to admit it, his confession left me a little freaked.

Socraft: Essential Names For Common Social Media Practices

Needledicking: Making direct contact with a person of higher online social standing within a given community with no fixed intentions or propositions – mainly (merely) to say what’s up or indicate approval of “what they are doing” – under the impression that said action may result in unforeseen future benefit. Eg: “Biches are needledicking my fake Bill Gates account…”

Poly Styrene, "Virtual Boyfriend"

Rioting grrrlishly on singles like “Oh Bondage! Up Yours!” and “Identity” (“When you see yourself/Does it make you scream?”) a generation before Kathleen Hanna uncapped her first Sharpie, were one of a handful of bands to turn English punk’s scouring negativity to feminist ends.

Cafeteria Confession

Let me begin by saying that my employers have not particularly seduced me with my salary, whose compensatory effects are less than enthralling. Put simply, I get paid just enough to pay whatever the hell bills wind up in my mailbox, and if I’m lucky, at the end of the month, I can get the 16 year Scotch instead of the 12 year. Yes, I am into 16-year-olds; I hear that’s legal in France.

The MySpace Friends Everyone Had

Jeffree Star may have very well been someone’s AB once upon a time; but at the peak of his MySpace fame he more closely resembled the Barbie’s World equivalent of Marilyn Manson. His pink hair and glittery persona was all Babs, but the “I removed my bottom ribs to perform oral sex on myself” look was totally Marilyn.

Man Sounds Just Like Shakira

It’s not clear whether it’s a gift or a curse, but Rudolfo Burgos’ uncanny Shakira imitation shocked the judges on this TV show. Shakira’s voice—which has always sounded distinctly farm-animal-like to me but is adored by millions of people around the world—is her trademark, and this dude seriously has it down pat.

Portland Burglar Freaks Out and Calls Police

In a recent event (last night) that’s being smeared all over the internet, Timothy Chapek, 24, broke into Hillary McKenzie’s home in Portland, Oregon. When he was using the bathroom, McKenzie returned, and in a state of fear and agitation, Chapek called 911, fearing that he would be shot.

Ten Lessons We’ve Learned From Watching Beverly Hills, 90210

When Andrea Zuckerman enrolled as a sophomore at West Beverly High, she had to be vigilant in protecting her true identity as an undercover reporter for the Los Angeles Times. She originally was there on assignment for a story concerning the vacuous lives of rich youth. However, after befriending Brandon Walsh and the gang, Andrea felt a sense of belonging that had been previously missing in her life.

Bored Couples on Display in Public Places

Boredom and monogamy are two ideas ingrained like memories in our collective consciousness. Those who choose monogamy are often viewed as simple fools by a certain percentage of the population; while individuals who remain single for long stretches of time are often dismissed as lonely, sad, or incompatible.

Sweet Grandma Preaches Love and Acceptance

This is one of those rare videos that gives me some hope in humankind. Australian comedian Josh Thomas’ super-sweet grandma, who has three gay grandchildren, touchingly describes her opposition to her priest’s (and the Church’s) views on homosexuality.

How to be an It Girl

Start hanging out with major celebrities. Help Chloe Sevigny get over a major breakup. Tweet something like “Love my slice of Chloe. Feel better, babe!” Give Sean Lennon a handjob and hear him talk about post-modernism for five hours.

Hey Winona Ryder!

Winona Ryder, I really hope you Google yourself and find this article. It probably won’t be the first search result, so I hope you can scroll. Or I hope your friends, or agent, or somebody forwards this to you.

I Had More Fun at a Cradle of Filth Concert Than at SXSW

Bill texts me to tell me that his little brother got a gig opening for Cradle of Filth concert in Detroit. He says it will be bizarre and outside of his comfort zone – a fascinating sociological experiment if nothing else. He also mentions that he’s socially obligated to go and would like me to accompany him.

I Have A Few Last Words

I Have A Few Last Words

The term “black ice” is a misnomer. Nothing about the thin layer of ice that forms on roadways when condensation from automotive exhausts freezes is black in any way. If black ice was actually black it would be less dangerous, because in cloaking the medians and texture of asphalt with a solid sheet of black it would provide drivers with a visual alert as to the imminent hazard awaiting them.

How My Relationship With Porn Began

The interesting thing about porn is that people are actually having sex in it. This in itself is weird. If you watch a movie about an archaeologist with five o’clock shadow who is trying to recover the Ark of the Covenant, well, he’s not actually doing these things. If you watch a movie about a plucky band of rebels who rescue a princess and blow up a moon-sized space station, well, that’s not really happening either.

Blake Lively: A Toddler or a My Little Pony?

More likely, she knows that her squeaky clean, all-American image is great for her career, and she’s not about to ruin it by saying or doing anything interesting. You’ll learn the same things about her in every interview: she doesn’t party, she doesn’t talk about her boyfriends, she loves clothes, she loves cooking at home, and she wants a family of her own someday. She’s what everyone wants from a female celebrity: a hot blank slate with hot traditional values.

Awful Things Women Have To Deal With That Men Don’t

In honor of International Women’s Day, I want to blog about all the fucked up things women have to deal with that men don’t. This extends beyond childbirth and periods. I know I don’t have a vagina, but I’m gay so that means I get 30% of what it feels like to be a girl and 100% get what it feels like to be a second-class citizen. So put on your feminists hats (mine is from Balenciaga) and let’s get outraged.

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