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Lessons Learned From 10 Pop Songs

Nicki Minaj, “Did It On ‘Em” (Young Money) – Building bassline, hypnotic cowbell beat, almost irritating synth lines, and samples of a cocky man yelling about his wealth back up lyrics about what to do with a dick. Minaj is the baddest bitch in the game, and she’s not one for keeping secrets. Lesson learned: Assert femininity; have balls.

On Fight Club, Dogs, and Love

I find it funny that dogs can simultaneously embody the most noble and base traits of humans. At their best, dogs are loyal, lifelong companions, and they have this heart-wrenching capacity to love and forgive.

Hal Hartley's Self-Ostracized Intellectual

After a few weeks of mostly just Netflix Instant Queue and me, I’m about ready to reach out and touch somebody, be with somebody, dance with somebody, etc. I want to share this excellent director, whose relatively small notoriety surprises me. Especially in light of this apparently official 90’s revival, Hartley’s work deserves another glance.

How Rebecca Black Will Take Over The World

To be upset with Rebecca Black’s success is to be upset with the American system of entertainment as a whole. As an underdog narrative of unlikely success – an unknown talent ‘discovered’ by producers – Rebecca’s story reflects values traditionally celebrated among pop artists who are more highly produced and coddled by the media. If we hate Rebecca Black, it’s because it holds up a mirror to our own illogical popular taste.

Should We Forgive Chris Brown?

Chris Brown may be tired of talking about his sordid past, but are we? Right after the incident with Rihanna, Brown was vilified by the general public and sent to live as a pop star pariah. His follow-up record Graffiti tanked, and the general consensus seemed to be that a killer pop song < A freak who beats up women.

On Eugene Kotlyarenko’s 0s & 1s

0s & 1s is a movie told in a visual language and at a pace familiar to any of us who’ve been staring at computer screens since we were tweens, a/s/l’ing strangers in Yahoo! checkers chat rooms and going through full-blown minesweeper phases. It’s a real-feeling representation of how we imagine our own mental lives to be, filtered through the screens of our devices, past and present.

Coda

Oceans are washing the shores of my heart With one breeze, they have my soul in their palms They gallantly unleash their waves on me Painting my world into the colour of their liquid sky Rains are leaking into my…

An Open Letter To Potential Lovers

Just to warn you though, I have a lot of issues. Like if airlines made you check your physical and emotional baggage, I would always have to pay the extra 50 bucks because my shit would be overcapacity. I could totally Aaliyah our relationship plane and bring that shit down.

Strip Club Survival for Sensitive New Age Guys

Let a girl catch your eye. She has glasses. Or short hair. Maybe both. She’s different from the rest… she shouldn’t be here. Consider asking her for a dance, then telling her you only want to talk. Imagine her intrigue…a man who would rather talk than objectify? Perhaps she consents…perhaps she finds you to be charming… perhaps she gives you her num–

Take A Stop-Motion Trip Back to New York City In 1983

This video by Rick Liss, with music by Laurie Anderson, takes us on a tour through five minutes of frantic, stop-motion vintage New York City, when times were perhaps easier, and many of us were almost/ just born. Maybe some of us will spot our would-be parents as this video rolls past landmarks such as the World Trade Center, NYC Metro and Central Park. Video inside.

Dear Gay Dude: My Girlfriend's Gay Best Friend Hates Me!

I’ve been seeing this girl for a few months and it’s been going really great with the exception of one thing: I think her gay best friend hates me! Whenever we all hang out together, he just ignores me and will hold her hand, make inside jokes, and generally exclude me from the conversation. I know how important he is to my girlfriend so it’s imperative that we be on good terms. What do I do?

You Will Make Friends in All Your Classes

The boy with the flat eyes in your poetry seminar will whisper that he thinks you two are soulmates and run his boney fingers through your hair. He’ll come over on Wednesday nights to watch movies and sleep in your bed without ever touching you sexually.

On Booty

I want you to tease me with the pain of plausibility. I want not a jiggling rap video booty, but just a butt. A nice anthropologically sound, soft, woman’s ass. I want to calmly rest my snifter on the counter, to hell with the rest of my Rémy Martin XO Spécial ($141.99, 750ml).

Resistance

So what are we to do? Or, more selfishly, what am I to do? Capitalism — and its police state — have become so smart and so fast, folding all modes of resistance into its spectacle at near infinite speed — John Lennon’s “Instant Karma” is in a Chase ad, for god’s sake.

Pop Quiz: Four Anecdotes

What’s annoying about the incident is the slowness by which the cut off occurs. It isn’t a life-threatening cut off; it’s more like a long, drawn out cut off in which this Buick going about half your speed switches into your lane, and when you make the move to pass in the next lane over, the Buick blocks you by making the same move – only slower.

What Would It Be Like to Have a Rapper Roommate?

I was speaking to a friend while we walked around Bushwick when she mentioned that her friend was the roommate of Grand Puba, the rapper. I wondered which rappers would make the best and worst roommates. Since I don’t know many rappers personally, I have to draw conclusions from what they reveal about themselves in their lyrics.

Instructions to My Apartment

If you have made it this far, I can only assume that you have made your way up the increasingly Rickety-Ass Steps to the fourth floor and somehow survived. Congratulations. As you can see, repairs have begun on these recently, and by recently I mean Within the Past Year. They will not be finished. This is simply the way of things.

Living in the Rx Generation

If the ’60s had LSD and the ’80s had cocaine, my generation has prescription pills. Adderall, Xanax, Ambien, Vicodin—these are the things that make many 20-somethings world go ’round.

How to Write A Company Manifesto

Are you a CEO who ‘gets’ the internet and is heading up a company that curates social media gurus for a winnovative new content platform? Are you a marketing ninja with mad skills and an insane new idea for a combination coupon/ app store? Look no further, because here’s the first step on your journey – how to write a killer company manifesto that’ll have those angel investors begging to fund your enterprise.

Young American Inertia Captured on Photo Booth

Photo Booth has transformed modern self-awareness by supplying us with a cache of semi-permanent self-portraits. The photos are somehow more honest than those in a conventional mirror, as we now spend more time at our computers than in any other setting.

How to be Boring

Have no idea how to carry a conversation. Answer people’s questions in a way that allows no more movement in the conversation. People will really hate you for this. It’s not fair to leave someone drowning in a conversation. You need to give them a life raft!

Trent Reznor's Behavior in "March of the Pigs"

Nine Inch Nails’ “March of the Pigs” (2002) industrial aesthetic, shot live in one take in a bare warehouse studio, embodies the band’s no nonsense disposition. Front man Trent Reznor, known for an abrasive facetiously tortured stage presence, delivers many of his trademark moves, examined herein.

Guidelines For Living With Your Girlfriend

Living with your girlfriend, it is important to keep communication to the bare, bare (barest) minimum. This will allow secrets to be kept, shame to develop, and an almost complete disregard for each other’s emotional needs to blossom.

Top Five Overachieving Babies on Famous Album Covers

Compensation: Promised dinner with Kurt Cobain when older, unfortunately outlives Kurt Cobain, begrudgingly turns down dinner invitation from Courtney Love. Chosen for: Indifference towards capitalist Western ideals, willingness to go “below the diaper” for additional breastfeeding.

Christian Ladies Pole Dance "For Jesus"

An enterprising Christian vixen in Texas has taken it upon herself to fill the much-needed gap in Christian fitness offerings – that of pole dancing. Eligibility for her classes require a church program (to preserve the sanctity of the class) and stiletto high heels, which apparently tone your ass. When you’re pole dancing. Predictably, this story was first reported by FOX News. Video inside.

The Kinds of People You Can Meet at a House Party

Setting: Hell. Otherwise known as a friend of a friend’s birthday party. You didn’t want to go, but your friend begged and promised you babes and booze so now you’re here. It takes you 2.5 seconds to realize you know no one and need to make some friends. Who will you meet?

Where Have All the Dude Blogs Gone?

In fact, Googling “female blogs” provides several directories to some of the top writers, sites and topics on the internet. Google “male blogs,” however, and you’ll fall down a completely different rabbit hole: the top result is “Best Male Blogs — Gay Blog Directory;” eight of the other top 10 results are gay porn-related; one is about male nurses; the other is spam.

British Man Fears “Muslamic Infidels” and “Iraqi Law”

At a recent English Defence League march, a young protester spoke to a reporter about his fear of “Muslamic infidels” and the advent of “Iraqi law” in London. The EDL, a relatively new far-right group whose primary stance is opposing what it calls Muslim extremism, has been organizing protests throughout England over the past couple of years.

When My Parents Are Gone

Sometimes I think about the things I will no longer be able to stomach when they’re gone, the things that will be ruined forever. For my father, I know I will no longer be able to listen to Cat Stevens again without weeping uncontrollably. It’s his favorite.

Ten Classic Films Explained in Tweet Format

Ever feel as if there are a lot of classic flicks that you just don’t have time for? At this stage in your life how likely is it that you’ll sit down and watch Citizen Kane? Well, now you don’t have to! Presented here are some classic films — the kind that appear on numerous “best ever” polls — presented in any easily digestible tweet format.

Speaking and Being Spoken

I love when the words come to me, when they surge through me, when they give me the urge rather than the other way around. All I want is to be spoken — not by the media or some other unsavory force but by the cosmic winds of delight and articulation.

Riding The New York City Subway

If there’s one thing out-of-towners fear, it’s New York City subways. They’ll ask things like, “Are they still safe to take at 8 p.m.? Which trains go to Brooklyn? Carrie Bradshaw doesn’t take the subway!” Although it’s tempting to poke fun at their reluctance, it’s also easy to understand why they fear it so much.

The Poetry of Mark Zuckerberg

If anything, what Zuckerberg has done so masterfully is make you believe that you are the master of your virtual universe, controlling your privacy settings, with the ability to add, find or delete friends, hide posts, and poke people that you like. It may not be a meaningful way of connecting, but it offers the opportunity for meaningful connections to happen.

Every Apartment I've Lived In Since Graduating College

After an exhausting day, I retreated into my spacious, gleaming bathroom to take a much needed shower. To my horror, the water was ice cold. I called the super, enraged. “Oh? It was hot before, when I checked. Let me bring you your space heaters and check the water.” Space heaters? Where the fuck am I, a bomb shelter? This is my new ass apartment. What the fuck.

A Few Quick Thoughts About My Name

Around the time I turned 22, things changed for me and my name. …Girls would have this response when I told them my name: “Oliver?  I love that name.  That’s such a cu-uuuute name.” And/or: “I love that name!  I have a cat named ‘Oliver’!” According to my independent, unverifiable research, about 34% of the girls in the New York City metro area have cats named “Oliver.”  I have been unable to figure out why this is or what this means.

100 Seconds of World History According to Wikipedia Entries

Gareth Lloyd and Tom Martin thought it would be a fun idea to geo-tag every Wikipedia entry in existence and make a visually pleasing video of the result. Sorta makes it look like nothing of any consequence happened outside of Europe until the 1700s, which makes enough sense if you operate under the assumption that everyone that’s written or edited a Wikipedia entry is most likely rich/ educated/ Western/ industrialized.

The Facebook You Vs. The Real You

Hah. This ego-deflating graphic by Comical Concept probably hits a little too close to home for a lot of us. Some hold that Facebook gives us the chance to present our would-be selves on our theoretical “best day,” but, um… I don’t think we can even hold that as a truth. How could one’s real life ever truly reflect a carefully edited and vetted Facebook profile?

Forget Libya: Birds are Being Decimated by Cats!

In other words, our innocent love of cats is fucking up the environment more than some of our man-made machines. “[Kitties] are like gypsy moths and kudzu – they cause major ecological disruption,” said Dr. Peter Marra of the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute.

Calling Bullshit On Jenny Lewis

I think the moment you realize how awful her songwriting is is the moment you are officially no longer a teenager. Leaving the Church of Jenny Lewis is an eye-opening experience and a true marker of adulthood.

Every Intimate Experience With a ‘90s Musician I’ve Ever Had

My ideal male was small town and scratched off the letters on the back on his Toyota pickup truck so it just said “YO.” But those guys didn’t like me — and this one did. Quick to catch-on to JAP boy talk, I name-dropped the only thing I had (“Rad, I know the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies”) despite feeling embarrassed.

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