For every rejection I received from the jobs of my dreams, for every employer’s sudden change of mind that seemed to lead in never receiving the already scheduled phone interview, and to the minimum wage positions that have broken my body; forming uncontrollable cysts, carpal tunnel, and overly pinched nerves. To the moments I unjustly agreed with the popular opinion, the times I cruelly laughed along subject matter involving vulgarity and discrimination, and to the situations where I let people freely manipulate me into doing the things I never wanted to.
I lost myself in society’s everyday routine, I suffered in silence, resulting to numerous private and sometimes public mental breakdowns, I let what others thought consume my decisions, I’ve felt the pressure of other people’s suggestions on how my life should be, I doubted my strongest instincts to please the ones that didn’t matter, and overall, I consumed so much fear onto the unknown that its evidently crippled me.
The past decade has been full immense growth. It has ignited my darkest days, my deepest sorrows, and the most unbearable of pain; in my heart, in my spirit, and my soul. In 2013, I broke up with the first boy I ever loved. It progressively led me down a dark path of crime, a toxic state of mind, and a pretty bad attitude. In 2014, I gradually changed my life for the better. I became fed up with the way I led each day and decided to do something about it. 2014 was the start of my weight loss and mental health journey, and evidently my way back towards redemption. From 2015-2017, I began dating again. Tinder and Plenty-of-Fish were unfortunately my go-to for the countless dates I would be on; thus, these were also the times I had to deal with a lot of boy drama. Let’s just say these were the years that mostly tested and built my character today.
I finally found my worth in 2017. I stood up for myself, I put a stop to the amount of emotionless dates I would go on, as evidently, I would’ve rather been alone than spend another minute with someone who could care less if I even had breakfast or not. But this was also the same time when I met somebody unexpectedly. I had already decided to stay single for the next few years, I was about to move out of the country, and I was ready to solely focus on my career, and my career alone. In comes my last hurrah on Tinder, I meet him. It wasn’t necessarily love at first sight- as I did make him wait two weeks to talk to me on the phone, but the minute we did, I was hooked. There was an instant connection, he could make me laugh- a lot, and we ended up talking for two hours that night. Fast forward two years later, it still feels like the first day we met. Regardless if we’ve had our share of differences, he is definitely someone I’ll admire for a very long time.
This piece is for the broken hearted, the lonely, the under appreciated, and the ones who are easily taken advantage of. This is for the ones who have experienced loss after every tragedy, defeat after every battle, and disappointment after every hopeful thought. I hope the next decade gradually heals the cracks in your heart, I hope it gives you a never ending source of blessings in your life, and I hope it offers you the sense of peace you’ve been searching for.