Nico Lang

“Relax. Jesus. What is with you gays? Are you really that repulsed by lady parts? What do you think I have down there? A gnome?”

“There’s no cure for ugly, but you can make yourself into a human optical illusion.”

6. Saying it wrong: “Suppository of information.” Doing it right: “Repository of information”

Woody Allen is his own Bartlett’s, except with a whole lot more material about getting off.

Rebel Wilson never planned on pursuing acting professionally and only got into it after getting malaria during a Youth Ambassador for Australia trip. During her fever hallucinations, she envisioned herself as an actress.

“Sexiness isn’t showing off everything you’ve got. Instead, it’s about hiding just enough so that when imagination takes over, the result is even better than reality.”

This might not be real life, but by God, it’s so much better. Just remember: “Burns heal, but savings are forever!”

3. When You Want To Dance Like No One Is Watching You. Beyonce is known for her “unique” choregraphy, which is kind of like an avant-garde pee pee dance.

6. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Forget tearing up. Get ready to lose your mind with life-affirming emotion.

Fact: Darth Vader never actually said, “Luke, I am your father.”

Sure, love is compromise, but love also means not being afraid to ask for what you were told was impossible. Love means being denied and saying, “More please.”

You’re never too old to start reading Harry Potter (or read it all over again).

When you’re feeling down, here are some Mean Girls gifs to help get you through the day. October 3 is the official observance of Mean Girls Day, but let’s be honest: Mean Girls Day is every day.

Did you know that you don’t know how to pronounce Theodore Geisel’s pen name?

Don’t stop at seeing it twice. See it as many times as you can.

Godard said that to respond to a movie, we must make a better one, and that’s what Hughes has done here.

If promoting God’s law means taking a chubby, Tony Perkins will suck it up.

26. Elle: This is going to be just like senior year, only funner!