If you haven’t watched either of the Legally Blonde movies recently, they’re pretty awesome. While being sharp and funny (although the sequel a little less so), they provide an unexpected commentary on sexism and discrimination, even if filtered through a pretty white girl lens. (Fact: It’s based on novelist Amanda Brown’s actual experiences as a Harvard Law student.) In addition, Legally Blonde is a winning reminder that we can use our privilege for good and can all be of service to others by being ourselves.
These are 30 of the best quotes from the Legally Blonde movies, which conclusively prove Elle Woods is an American hero.
30. Hi. I’m Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We’re both Gemini vegetarians.
29. It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin… to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say “Aye.”
28. Professor Callahan: Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?
Professor Callahan: And why’s that?
Elle: I would rather have a client who’s innocent.
27. Paulette: Who’s ready to discharge?
26. Elle: This is going to be just like senior year, only funner!
25. Elle: Because I’m not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I’m white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner. Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that’s a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.
24. Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. (someone whistles at her) I object!
23. Elle: Ugh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.
22. Serena: I got bangs! My hair’s so now.
21. Warner: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like, it’s hard?
20. Elle: Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle congress.
19. Paulette: Ooh…the bend and snap! I did that last night naked. I broke a window though.
18. Stanford: You’re the girl with the perfumed poo-poo bags, aren’t you?
Elle: Actually I’m the woman with the scented waste receptacles, but yes.
17. Serena: Elle, we came to see your trial and look! There’s like a judge and everything… and jury people.
Margot: Vote for Elle!
16. Emmett: You fall asleep during The West Wing.
Elle: Yeah, but have you seen what they’re wearing?
15. Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.
14. Elle: Here it is!
Professor Callahan: It’s pink.
Elle: Oh! And it’s scented! I think it gives it a little something extra, don’t you think?
13. Elle: Uh, I’m sorry. I just hallucinated.
12. Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.
11. Elle: I have always respected redheads as members of a hair color minority.
10. Elle: Hello, Patriots! I don’t think I’ve been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.
9. Elle: I worked so hard to get into law school. I blew off Greek week to study for the LSATs. I even hired a Coppola to direct my admissions video.
8. Elle: This is the type of girl Warner wants to marry. This is what I need to become to be serious.
Old Lady: What? Practically deformed?
Elle: No, a law student.
7. Elle: I’m reading about the LSATs.
Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your…ahem.
6. Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.
5. Margot: Here, you’re gonna need this.
Elle: Your scrunchie?
Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
4. Elle: This is just like CSpan, except I’m not bored.
3. Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.
2. Paulette: You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!
1. Elle: Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.