You constantly have that tape-over-mouth feeling with them — you either feel silenced, misunderstood, or like you’re somehow approximating what you mean to say no matter how hard you try to just say it.
You suspect they like hearing the sound of their own voice more than they like hearing yours.
Their #1 project in life is your relationship — they have no goals, dreams, or aspirations of their own and define themselves by who they’re with instead of what they do.
They’re disrespectful to your family. To your face. And they don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
They treat you less like a partner and more like a possession. As in, they don’t care so much about who you are per se, but who you are for/with/in relation to them.
They never need personal space and get upset/suspicious/offended when you express the need for it.
They can’t take responsibility for their own emotions — they will always find room to say “Well if YOU hadn’t done x…” even if you had absolutely nothing to do with their bad mood.
They are constantly disapproving and discouraging of your goals and efforts, to the point where you don’t even bother telling them what you want anymore since they’ll cut it down anyway.
They don’t respect your time. Right NOW is the opportune moment for that tedious task/remodeling project/huge argument, damn it, screw your econ exam or flight that leaves in two hours.
They fight dirty. Sure, fighting is a normal part of any relationship, but it’s pretty easy to decipher how someone really feels about you during a fight by the type of insults they hurl.
They’re never genuinely sorry. Even when they do apologize, they still try to convince you they were right.
No matter what you do, there’s always something not good enough, half-assed, or less than about your efforts. You always feel like you have to “prove” yourself and you’re always failing at it.
They’re suspicious of everything you say and do and constantly accuse you of violating their trust, but guess who’s going through your phone and hacking into your email?
They say “If it weren’t for me…” a little too often. Basically, they act like they’re doing you some kind of favor by being with you.
They don’t try to make you a better person; they don’t care enough to call you out on your bullsh-t or let you know when you do something wrong. Only a person who truly cares about you will kindly tell you the things you don’t want to hear. Keyword kindly.
You’d have to dye your hair puce and parade around the house in a diaper playing the Czech national anthem on a harmonica before they’d notice anything different about you.
You don’t feel good with them. Those feelings of warmth and contentment and all that other sentimental crap seem to have gone missing, or maybe you never actually had them. Who remembers?
Sexually and intellectually, you’re on two different pages in two separate books on opposite ends of the library.
You can’t depend on them. You already know you wouldn’t call them first in the event of an emergency because they probably wouldn’t answer the phone.
The thought of a future with them feels like collapsing on the couch and never moving again. Also a bad joke. Also impending doom.