Sometimes I’ll see my friends look at their phone after receiving a text message from their significant other, and it seems like they’re trying to see how fast they can ruin their relationship by misinterpreting a text message.
Anyone who has any romantic relationship experience knows that a great deal of fights are started because of a simple, one or two word text. It’s not that there’s anything malicious about the text itself, it’s that the person on the receiving end creates a nonsensical back-story to it like an insane person and reacts accordingly.
Intended meaning: Yes, the last thing you said is completely fine with me. I have absolutely no problem with it.
Misinterpreted Meaning: THAT’S JUST FINE. Let’s just do what you want, because that’s all we ever do. I mean, why would I want us to do something that I enjoy, for once? That would just be selfish and bring me some happiness, so why would we want to do that? Hey, on your way home, could you pick me up a leash and some bowls for my food and water? And maybe some kind of toy I can chew on while you’re at work.
Intended Meaning: Hey, could you hold on for just a second? I’m currently doing something that only allowed me enough time to say hold on, but I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you. Once I complete this task, I’ll explain what I was doing and we can talk.
Misinterpreted Meaning: Will you give me just one second, for the love of God?! I have a life of my own, you know. I have things that I like to do, and I can’t just answer your texts all the time. Would you like me to connect my phone to a collar that shocks me every time you text me, so if I don’t get back to you right away, I **** my pants? Would that do it for you?
Intended Meaning: OK. I don’t really know what to say, so I’ll just say OK to let you know that I got your last text, read it and stored the information in my brain.
Misinterpreted Meaning: OK God, I get it. You just don’t stop, do you? You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met. It’s like an evil wizard cast a spell on you and if you don’t say something obnoxious every five minutes and ruin my life, your mom will turn into stone or something. I wish I had a time machine, so I could take you back to Salem in 1692 and tell everyone you’re a witch.
Intended Meaning: I really don’t have strong feelings for or against what you’re saying, so I don’t really mind. The time you want to leave for that thing or the restaurant you want to go to is fine. Thanks for asking if it was OK with me, I really appreciate it but it’s up to you, as I have no preference or better suggestions.
Misinterpreted Meaning: Whatever, I just don’t care anymore. I hate you and this relationship is boring and every time I see you I’m sad. The best time of my day is the time between the time you text me and when I actually see you, because you’re not there and I don’t have to talk to you.
THE UNANSWERED TEXT
Intended Meaning: I’m in a situation where I can’t use my phone. I’ll explain when I’m in a position to, either by call or text. The explanation will be totally reasonable and will make you feel like an idiot for temporarily losing your mind. Miss you! Kisses!
Misinterpreted Meaning: Listen, I can’t use my phone when I’m having sex with other people and doing intravenous drugs with people that have diseases. Once I pay this girl and finish my crystal meth, I’ll hit you up.