1. Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
2. How do you get a tissue to dance?
You put a little boogie into it.
3. What did the zero say to the eight?
4. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
5. What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
6. What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
7. What time should you go to the dentist?
8. What did one firefly say to the other?
You glow girl!
9. What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing. It just waved.
10. Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
11. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
12. What do you call two guys hanging on a window?
Kurt and Rod.
13. What kind of bees make milk?
14. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
15. How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost in the snow?
You just look for fresh prints.
16. Why did the mushroom like to party so much?
Because he was a fun-guy.
17. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.
18. What did one tonsil say to the other?
Better get dressed. The doc’s taking us out tonight!
19. Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
They woke him up.
20. Knock, Knock.
Stopwatch you’re doing and open this door!
21. What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep?
22. What do geese take for their allegies?
23. Why do hippies like camping?
Cause it’s in tents, man.
24. What do snowmen call their fancy annual dance?
25. Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?
All those fans.
26. What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.
27. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Cause he was feeling crummy.
28. Knock knock.
Hold on. Is there an owl in here?
29. How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
30. Why should you never trust a pig with a secret?
‘Cause it’s bound to squeal.
31. What’s Irish and stays out all night long?
32. What did the fireman name his twin sons?
José and Hose-B.
33. What do cows read?
34. What does a spider’s bride wear?
A webbing dress.
35. What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
One has its pricks on the outside.
36. Knock knock.
Thanks, but I’d rather have some peanuts.
37. Where do young cows eat lunch?
In the calf-ateria.
38. What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
39. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get The Chinese Daily. [Pause] Do you get it?
Me neither. I get The Times.
40. What do you call a rich elf?
41. What do birds give out on Halloween?
42. What do you call a smart group of trees?
43. Knock, Knock.
Yacht a know me by now!
44. What did one horse say to the other at the dance?
You mustang-o with me.
45. What’s the definition of a good farmer?
A man outstanding in his field.
46. What washes up on tiny beaches?
47. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
48. How do mountains stay warm in winter?
49. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
50. A sandwich walks into a bar.
Barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”