1. You’d rather fix him than fix yourself.
Focusing on someone who has bigger problems than you is an easy way to avoid your own issues. You want someone who will make your own baggage seem inconsequential because it provides a sense of relief.
2. You’re afraid to move on.
So you take him on as your purpose, because it makes staying put a more legitimate choice. When you’re stagnant, you want an excuse that will disprove that. The reason you can ever give for staying is, “he needs me,” which has nothing to do with your own happiness.
3. You are attracted to people with baggage.
You want to support him because he can’t support himself. You are at your best when you are caring for someone else’s wounds and want to put your energy into solving all of his unsolvables.
4. You want to be needed.
You’re sick of rejection and are deflecting by moving into a situation where someone will rely on you. Caring for someone when they most need it guarantees that they will end up relying on you. You become their go-to person for their immediate struggles and you relish that feeling because it makes you feel secure.
5. Affection is becoming your currency.
You trade it in for appreciation because that’s what you need. It’s a symbiotic relationship: you give him affection, he loves you in return.
6. You are infatuated with the concept of building someone up.
Making things happen for someone else is underrated. It’s not that you don’t have dreams of your own, it’s that you like helping others along the way. It’s not a bad thing at all, but you have to be doing it for the right reasons. Is making someone fall for you the right reason?
7. You love to love.
Not the act of ~~being in love~~ so much as giving your love to someone else. Giving your love to others is part of your identity, which is why you’re uncertain when you’re not in a relationship.
8. You can’t stand to see him not succeed.
Just because you’ve long since fallen out of love with him doesn’t mean you can stand to watch them fail. It’s too hard to watch him struggle when you know exactly what he’s capable of. You believe he deserves so much better and want to make him see that for himself.
9. You want something in your life to be constant.
And you assume that having someone rely on you means it will make them faithful to you. You’re still hoping that one day he will reciprocate everything you did for him.
10. You’ve glamorized the notion of making someone change for you.
“We could be together if” is a dangerous path to walk down. You always think the solution is right around the corner but it never is.
11. You’ve been out of a serious relationship for long enough that it’s time.
And the first good candidate you come across is someone who needs fixing. When you’re starting a new relationship, you get hung up on things you “should” be doing. In this case you decide you “should” not shy from something that might have its challenges.
12. You care too much about other peoples’ lives.
Not just in your romantic relationships. You hate to see your friends make the wrong choice, even if you know it’s a mistake they have to make. You give counsel and have a hard time letting go because you can’t help wanting to steer them in the right direction.
13. You keep trying to figure out what you actually like about him.
Being able to recite a list of your partner’s best attributes isn’t a relationship requirement, but it shouldn’t be hard to do. If you only feel good when he does, your happiness is contingent on something beyond your control.
14. You’d rather be vulnerable than not care for someone at all.
You will always care too deeply, even if it makes you a glutton for punishment. You’d rather try than shy away from love completely.