1. Did she really just tell me to “find my half-pigeon”?
2. I could so be watching Gilmore Girls right now.
3. Do you think anyone can tell that my tights are from Target, not Lululemon?
4. Are all yoga teachers good in bed?
5. I should really bring my mom to this class. She’d love it.
6. When the teacher says, “Pick a focal point in front of you,” what if the guy behind me is choosing my ass as his focal point?
7. That is so typical. I hate men who just come to yoga to hit on pretty women in workout clothes.
8. Actually, my ass does look great in these tights. Clearly the guy has good taste, I should cut him some slack.
9. Maybe I’ll say “hi” to him after class.
10. What if he’s here to meet men and I’m just imagining all of this?
11. Who came up with these poses? The ancient yogis definitely did not do “happy baby.”
12. This yoga teacher seems happy and at peace. Maybe I should quit my job and teach yoga.
13. It’s weird that I haven’t checked Instagram in almost an hour.
14. I should work on my splits at home when I’m watching Netflix. How great would it be if I could do a split?
15. Will this teacher stop saying, “sit bones”?
16. I should do a 7-day yoga challenge.
17. Is it time for child’s pose?
18. If I did a 7-day yoga challenge, I wouldn’t be able to go to happy hour on Wednesday.
19. I think I’m inhaling while everyone else is exhaling.
20. I could really go for some Taco Bell right now.
21. Everyone who says yoga isn’t a workout is wrong.
22. I bet my boss is calling me right now.
23. NO! Stop thinking about work. Clear your mind.
24. I need my own special mantra.
25. Is there anything I can eat after this that will be both healthy and covered in cheese?
26. I’m proud of myself for not looking at my phone for an entire 90 minutes.
27. Ommmmmmmmmmm shanti Om.
28. “Shanti” means peace. I bet the chick next to me doesn’t know what “shanti” means.
29. I’m so much more productive than everyone else who isn’t doing yoga right now.
30. I really want one of those stretchy Lululemon headbands. I should treat myself.