I’m Opting Out Of The Hookup Culture

God & Man

I don’t want to be someone’s ‘friend with benefits.’ I don’t want to be someone’s ‘maybe,’ someone’s ‘almost,’ someone’s ‘just-for-tonight,’ someone’s ‘thing.’

I don’t want a temporary commitment with no rules or real purpose, no substance or genuine affection. I don’t want a one night stand that means nothing in the morning, lips met with disinterested goodbyes that don’t carry weight.

I don’t want someone to lean into me only because he desires something physical, only because he’s too scared to get to know what lies even deeper than my skin.

I don’t want the two of us to give ourselves to one another only to end up where we started, still searching, still broken, still longing to be filled, but too afraid to really let the other in.

I don’t want to be the girl he has just for a moment, who soon becomes a memory, fleeting, forgotten.

I don’t want to be a person who’s disposable, thrown away when the next one comes along. I want to mean something, to matter, to have a connection beyond the physical, the replaceable.

I mean more than just a temporary embrace, a touch, a moment where our bodies mesh but our hearts don’t.

I don’t just want to touch skin, but leave our minds wandering somewhere else, unattached, uninterested. I don’t want to waste time, falling into something that feels empty, purposeless.

I don’t want a hookup, I want something real.

I want the kind of intimacy that spills over to every secret, every fear, every dream. I want pillow talk that’s about our deepest desires, what we wish for ourselves and the people around us, what demons we’re fighting, what battles we’ve risen from, what scars we wear proudly on our skin.

I don’t care for someone who longs to feel my body; I want a man who is desperate to touch my heart. Someone who wants to learn my mind, who I am, what I believe, what I think about, what I love.

So I’m opting out of the hookup culture.

I’m opting of Tinder matches and drunken one nights stands, of purposeless connections and contact with a person I’ll never talk to again. I’m opting out of meaningless kisses, of dates with people who are only looking to get laid, of nights at the bar desperately searching for someone to take home, of mixed signals and empty mornings and people trying so desperately to fill a void that they’ve created in keeping their hearts at arm’s distance.

I don’t want any part of that.

Our world has become instantaneous, wanting something right here, right now. We’re too timid to take the time to get to know people. We’re too nervous to show someone our pasts. We’re so damn scared of letting people in, scared of getting hurt, scared that someone might see us for who we are and not want us.

But the beauty in that fear is what lies on the other side—something real, something genuine, something like love.

And I’d rather hold out for that.

I’d rather wait until I find the right person, wait until I fall headfirst, wait until I stumble across someone who wants all of me, indefinitely, and not just for the night.

I’d rather be patient until I find a person who’s interested in my mind, my heart, my soul, not just my body. Who appreciates me for who I am, not what I can give.

I’m opting out of the hookup culture. Out of purposeless connections, pointless embraces, meaningless attachments because this life is too short for anything without intentions.

I’m guarding my heart until I find someone who is genuine, someone who values me, someone who isn’t just looking for sex, but something real.

Because I deserve that.
Because I don’t want to settle for anything less. TC mark


Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

Life Getting Stale? This Book Will Inspire A “New You”

You leave
because you have to,
because leaving is necessary,
because your survival
depends on letting your soul shift
in the wind like a grain of sand.

Become the person who is open and soft, not harsh and hidden. And watch how the world opens to you in return.

“This poetry collection gave out a lot of realizations. I just have to be brave. I need to have strong heart, and a wise mind. And just because things are a mess right now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way until the end.” — Muggleboooks

Click to turn a new page
Powered by Revcontent

Hi! Here’s Some Amazing Poetry For You

“I hope your learn how to love yourself the way you love others — unconditionally and without hesitation; deeply, and from the softest parts of who you are. Because isn’t it a shame, that we are so quick to forgive the humanness in someone else’s soul, but we often forget to forgive ourselves. Isn’t it a shame, that we fight for others, we believe in them with such intensity, and such hope, but we often forget to fight for ourselves.” — Bianca Sparacino ✨

“Seeds Planted in Concrete is a very empowering read. It reminds you that you should love yourself first before anyone else.” — Alyssa

Click Here

More From Thought Catalog