12 Questions You Should Never, Ever Ask On The First Date

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Olga

1. “So, how much money do you make?”

No. No. No. First of all, this is wildly inappropriate and makes you (whether you’re male or female, by the way) sound like a complete gold-digger/a$$hole. Second of all, there are plenty of other ways to get someone to talk about their job (AKA: What do you do for a living?) that will easily (and secretly) give you all the info you need to Google that sh*t later.

2. “Do you do this often?”

What, go on dates? Order steak? Wear nice clothes? First of all, not even sure what that means. Is the asker implying that their date is a flirt, tease, man/woman whore? This kind of question makes people feel uncomfortable…and honestly, it’s none of your business whether your date goes on other dates. GTFO.

3. “Do you have Tinder?”

Why is that relevant on your first date? What, you want to check out their profile before appetizers come? Want to see if they’re trying to go on other dates/have other hookups this weekend? This is a strange, weird, and downright stupid question. Don’t ask it on the first date. Or like, ever, until you’re actually in a committed relationship where asking would be totally valid.

4. “When was your last relationship?”

Yikes. What if she starts crying because her old dude cheated on her? What if he gets all pissed because he proposed and she said no? You just have noooo idea where people come from, so asking this on the first date is not a good idea. I repeat. Not. A. Good. Idea.

Plus, why would you want to hear all about their ex over your shared spinach and artichoke dip and glasses of wine? Sounds like a realllll awesome time. Not.

5. “What happened between you and your ex?”

Again with the ex questions—no, just no. I get it, you want to find out whether this guy/gal is a complete crazy before you get invested, but bringing up the ex and all that past baggage is not the way to do that. Want to see if they’re a nut job? Ask them the craziest thing they’ve ever done. It’s a lot tamer of a question and will get you the same answer you’re looking for.

6. “How old do you want to be when you get married?”

It amazes me that people actually think this is a valid first date question. Why would this ever be a comfortable thing to ask??? What if they want to get married by 26 and they turn 26 in like, two months. AWKKKWARDDDD.

Once you get serious, then you can start to ask questions about love and marriage and babies and happily ever afters. Not on the freaking first date.

7. “What kind of wedding do you want to have?”

This seems innocent enough, once you get past the total weirdness of asking someone about their future marriage on the first date. But, surprise surprise, this isn’t a good question. It launches people into a whole weird conversation about their long-term, off-in-the-distance desires and makes both parties uncomfortable.

There’s a thousand other things you can ask someone. Anything to do with marriage = no.

8. “Are you afraid of commitment?”

Woah. Suuuuper personal. And off-putting. And way too deep for the first dinner and a movie. If your new lady/man is scared of commitment, then I can guarantee you 100% they’re not going to answer that question, or they’re going to be irritated that you basically called them out on their insecurity.

Questions like these are answered over time, and their often observed. If you’re worried about commitment, you’ll see how your date is when you ask him/ her out again, or when you start to be a little more serious and make longer-term plans. Asking them this deep and personal of a question at the very beginning opens the door for a lot of weirdness. And no one likes weird vibes right off the bat.

9. “Why are you single?”

Ha ha ha. Let me sip my wine and stare off into the distance awkwardly, pretending you didn’t just ask me that. I mean seriousllllly though, what do you expect a person to respond with? And do you really think you’re going to get any answer other than:

a: Just got out of a long-term relationship (which, damn, you probably didn’t’ want to know that on the first date)

Or b: I’ve been focusing on myself (which is the lie we tell ourselves when we’re totally struggling in the dating department.)

10. “Are you attracted to me?”

This question calls for a lot of blushing and funny looks. If your date’s attracted to you, you’ll know. If they’re looking at their phone, looking at everything but you, tapping their foot, checking their watch—okay, totally not into you. Step your game up. But for the love of God, don’t ask them this question. It makes you sound totally insecure.

11. “I Googled you and I was wondering…”

Stop right there. That’s helllllllla creepy. And even if you did Google your date, you know, just to make sure he/she wasn’t a serial killer, it’s still borderline-stalkerish to bring that up.

12. “Are you on a diet?”

Oh, why, are you judging my food choices from the very first date? You don’t know my life and now you’ve made me super sassy so goooood job buddy.

No, but really, why would you ask someone that???? Everyone’s mind immediately goes to ‘he/she’s judging me’ or ‘he/she thinks I’m fat.’ It’s not a good place to start off a first date.

And by the way, I’ll eat whatever I want. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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  • http://indepthwoman.wordpress.com indepthwoman

    I totally agree!!!!! A friend of mine was talking about marriage and babies, the first day with a guy, men have done this to me and this is why I don’t date. 5 minutes into the date, they are planning our future together. SMDH!

  • Ashutosh Tilak

    Completely agree. I will just stop any such Date and simply walkout

  • https://martazubieta.wordpress.com/2017/10/20/creative-histories/ Creative Histories – Marta Zubieta

    […] Development: Many of us have been in an uncomfortable situation of a first date of hollow questions where our mind flies away or starts to imagine funny situations. In our date the protagonist will be so annoyed with her candidate that she will start to morph him in her mind in many different ways. (some ideas) […]

  • http://blog.whynotjapan.com/usual/4182/ 【国際恋愛】最初のデートで絶対に尋ねてはいけない13の質問 | WhyNot!?JAPAN
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