I Don’t Want A Lover, I Want A Best Friend

It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Finding a lover. A person to kiss. A person to go on dates with. A person whose hand you squeeze during scary movies. A person to open your life to, give your heart to, who you can see yourself with, years and years down the road.

But finding that person is scary.

There’s so many rules and restrictions in today’s dating world. A ‘lover’ is supposed to be attractive and sexy and enticing and reliable and romantic and everything we’ve ever dreamed of, right? He/she’s supposed to be this perfect person. But perfection in love? That’s not real. And finding a flawless, completes-me type of person? Impossible. (Thank goodness, because none of us would make the cut.)

That’s why I don’t want something perfect. And why I don’t want a lover. I want a best friend.

I want someone I can be completely myself around. I want to wake up in the morning, hair all sleepy and messy around my face, makeup off, baggy t-shirt on, and not feel like I have to be anything I’m not.

I want someone to laugh with. To stay up late with and talk about dreams. To go on adventures with, big or small. To sip wine and make breakfast together, and feel like we know every little thing about each other’s lives.

I want someone I can talk to openly, fearlessly, about my biggest regrets and future plans. Someone who I can trust. Someone who will be there for me, no matter what, and I’ll return the favor. Someone I can chow down on family size Chex Mix with, someone I can just sit on the couch with and not say anything, but simply enjoy each other’s company.

I want a best friend. Someone I can tease, go out drinking with, or stay in and binge-watch Prison Break with. Someone who will give me a genuine compliment when I look my best, but will honestly tell me when I look like sh*t and need to get my butt off the couch.

I want someone who knows all my inner secrets, drama, and proudest moments. Who will go places with me, or take me to dinner and actually talk about things that matter. Who won’t always have to be in charge, have to pay, have to be the one to plan things. But will still do those things sometimes, just because.

I want someone who will make me laugh, drive me nuts, piss me off, but still be my best friend.

And I want to fall head over heels for this best friend.

See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically. (Because that mushy-gushy, intimate stuff will come naturally. Don’t worry.)

I want a best friend—someone I love, yes, but more importantly, someone I can truly know. And someone who knows me, inside and out, flaws and quirks and all my weirdness, yet still chooses to be mine. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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  • Kim Adaza

    This is a good read. ♥

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