Attention, All Men: Stop Banging Women Who Won’t Call Themselves Feminists

dreamerve / (Shutterstock.com)
dreamerve / (Shutterstock.com)

A ridiculous Tumblr called “Women Against Feminism” popped up recently. It’s full of women who refuse to acknowledge that they’re feminists—women who go so far as to deny everything that feminism has done for them. These women would all be basement rape-slaves if it wasn’t for the feminist movement.

The jury is still out on whether or not it’s OK for men to be feminists, but nevertheless, I consider myself an ally. I always vote for Democrats who rain free birth control on my empowered sisters. Whenever I can, I take time out of my busy schedule to high-five teenagers as they diddy-bop into abortion clinics. I do what I can.

That’s why I’m sounding the alarm on these “Women Against Feminism” trolls. They’re even worse than the stupid female celebrities that Jezebel calls out for refusing to identify as feminist. You see, most times when you encounter a woman who won’t admit she’s a feminist, you just have to ask a few questions and, voilà—a feminist emerges! Do you think women are equal to men? Yes? Well guess what? You and every woman alive agree and you’re all feminists! Now take the label and wear it proudly!

But these “Women Against Feminism” hags go so much further than just rejecting the label—they reject feminism itself. And that’s not even the worst part. Yesterday, one of the posts had the caption “I don’t need modern feminism because I like to be treated like a lady by a gentleman.” That’s right, men are actually fucking these women!

Good men, no doubt feminist allies such as myself, are pleasuring these worthless holes. They’re making love to these useless cum-dumpsters, giving their empty feminism-less lives meaning by filling them up with cock-meat on the regs.

This has to stop now!

Male feminist allies—this is our moment. The penis boycott starts today. Take the pledge. Say it with me!

I will NOT fuck women who don’t consider themselves feminists. If she says she doesn’t need feminism, then I don’t need to eat pussy tonight. If she’s got a problematic attitude then I’m just not in the mood. My loads will only run down throats that speak of love for the movement. My balls shall never slap against the asshole of an asshole anti-feminist.

You might look at that Tumblr and see a bunch of sweet-looking, attractive ladies of all different ages (and one ugly one way at the bottom, but no one was going to fuck her anyway.) They might seem like they’re just harmless or misguided. Maybe some of them just don’t like what clickbait blogs and Tumblr have done to the “feminist” label.

Whatever.

It’s time to send a message. The only guts getting crushed are ones that are down for the cause. Only lips that speak for justice deserve our loads to land on them. The only asses getting licked are ones that fart for equality and shit on the gender wage gap.

We have to let these rags at “Women Against Feminism” know what they are without feminism: a bunch of stupid little girls who need to be taught a lesson. TC mark

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